[guide.chat] grandparents

From: "Carol O'Connor" <missbossyboots33@xxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide Chat List" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 2011 19:41:25 +0100
1.
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of 
her young
granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.  After she applied her 
lipstick and
started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the 
toilet
paper good-bye!"  I will  probably never put lipstick on again without 
thinking about
kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.  He 
asked me
how old I was, and I told him, 62.   My grandson was quiet for a moment, and 
then
he asked,  "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old 
slacks
and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the 
children getting
more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  Finally, she threw a 
towel around
her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern 
warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling 
voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood 
was
like.  "We used to skate outside on a pond.   I had a swing made from a 
tire; it
hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild 
raspberries
in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in.  At last she said, "I 
sure wish
I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know 
how you
and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we 
alike?''
"You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word 
processor.
She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7.  I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I 
decided to
test her.  I would point out  something and ask what color it was.  She 
would tell
me and was always correct.  It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she 
headed
for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of 
these
colors  yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,  we kept the 
lights off
until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.   Still, a few 
fireflies
followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use 
Grandpa.
Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not 
sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised  "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, 
"Grandma,
guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."  The grandmother, more 
than a
little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. 
"How do
you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a 
teacher.
The small boy wrote:  "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."   The 
teacher
took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she 
asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day 
when a fire
truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a 
Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said 
firmly,
"to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  "Oh," he said, "she 
lives at
the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.  Then, when we're 
done having
her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good good things, 
but I
don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over,  you  hear gas leaks and 
they
blame their dog.
SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS,
[guide.chat] grandparents

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