[guide.chat] Making A Baby

From: "Mark Francis" <m.francis945@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Thu, 2 Sep 2010 13:13:26 +0100

          The 
          Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a 
surrogate 
          father to start their family. 
           
          On 
          the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife 
          good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' 
             

          Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door 
          baby photographer happened to ring the door bell, hoping to make a 
sale. 
          'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'   
           

          'Oh, 
          no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been 
          expecting you.'   

          'Have you really?' said the photographer. 
          'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 
            
          'Well 
          that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a 
seat 
          !

          After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 
           

          'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, 
          one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the 
          living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. ' 
          'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for 
          Harry and me!'   

          'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a 
          good one every time... But if we try several different positions and 
I 
          shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the 
          results.'    

          'My, 
          that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.  

          'Ma'am, in my line of 
          work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five 
          minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'   
          'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. 
          The 
          photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his 
baby 
          pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.   
          'Oh, my!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 
          'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you 
          consider their mother was so difficult to work with...' 

          'She was 
          difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 
          'Yes, 
          I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job 
done 
          right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good 
          look' 

          'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with 
          amazement. 

          'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than 
          three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I 
          could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush 
my 
          shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I 
          just had to pack it all in.'   

          Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 
          'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?' 
           

          'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll 
          set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 
          'Tripod?' 
           

          'Oh, yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's 
much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
           
          Mrs. 
          Smith 
          fainted
[guide.chat] Making A Baby

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