[guide.chat] Just for you nice people

From: "M BOWKER" <bowker288@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "Guide Chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:04:04 +0100
   EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
 
     A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
   My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
   I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and
   began to take off her underwear.
   Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the
   wrong one.
   Submitted by
   Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
   San Francisco
 
  . At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
  elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
  'Big breaths,'. . .  I instructed.
  'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
   Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
   Seattle , WA
 
  . One  day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
  husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
  Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
  reporting to the rest of the family that he had
  died of a 'massive internal fart.'
 
  Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
  4. During a patient's two week follow-up
  appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
  me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
  One of his medications.Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
  The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
  and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
  I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
  see.
  Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
  Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
  before applying a new one.
  Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
  Norfolk , VA
 
  . While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
  I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
  After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
  Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
  Submitted
  by Dr. Steven Swanson-
  Corvallis , OR. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and
  while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this
  morning?' 'It's very good except for the
  Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.' . Bob replied.
  I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
  A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
  Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
   Detroit ,
 
 
  A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
  when a young woman with purple hair styled
  into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety
  of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
  . . . It  was quickly determined
  that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
  scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely
  disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
  ttbeen dyed green and above it there
  was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
  wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
  which said 'Sorry . . . had to  mow the lawn.'
   
   Submitted by RN no name,
 
  . As a new,
  young MD doing his residency in OB.
  I was quite embarrassed when performing female
  pelvic exams... To cover my
  embarrassmentI had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
  The middle-aged lady upon whom I was
  performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
  and further embarrassing me.
  I looked up from my work and
  sheepishly said.  . .
   ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
  She replied with tears running down
  her cheeks from
  laughing so hard . . .
  ' No doctor  but the song you were whistling was . . .
  I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
  Wiener .'
   
  

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love Malcolm. xxxx.

Hyde, Cheshire,

skype name,

malcolmbo1
You Said.
[guide.chat] Just for you nice people

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