[guide.chat] : Jokes.




-----Original Message-----
From Charlotte and : John Barnett
Sent On: 19/05/2010 21:11
Sent To: Keith
Subject: Jokes.

Jokes.
(1)
Did you hear about the crab who went to the disco, and pulled a muscle.?
(2)
The wife was over the moon with her birthday present.
 I got her a rocket.
(3)
An embarrassed guy went to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation, 
his G P told him it was touch and go.
(4)
It's been announced that rabbits won't be used in experiments any more.
Benefit scroungers will be used instead.
A top scientist said, The big advantage of using benefit scroungers is they 
breed as quickly as rabbits, but at least you don't grow fond of them.
(5)
Cor, this is an old one.
What do you call a gorilla with bananas in it's ears? 
Any thing you like, he can't hear you.
(6)
A woman was admiring her neighbours tomatoes, she said your tomatoes are 
looking lovely,  how do you get them so red.? 
Her neighbour replied, I expose myself to them three times a day, the 
embarrassment turns them red.
The woman said, I'm going to try that myself.
The next week she was talking to her neighbour again, he asked, Are your 
tomatoes red yet.?
She replied, No but my cucumbers are ENORMOUS !!!!!!!   
(7)
How do you satisfy a woman.?
Adore, appreciate, captivate, caress, charm, pamper, treasure, spoil, worship, 
etc.
How to satisfy a man.?
Just turn up naked.!!!!
(8)
Give a dog four trees to pee up, and he won't have a leg to stand on.
(9)
After retiring a bloke went to social security office to sort out his pension.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers licence to verify his 
age.
He didn't have his drivers licence with him, she said don't worry just unbutton 
your shirt for me.
He opened his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She said that's proof enough for me.
She processed his application.
When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about what happened.
His wife said, you should have dropped your pants, You would have got 
disability allowance as well. 
(10)
And finally, I thought this was amusing.
My horoscope today said, If you are married.  Events could decide matters once 
and for all, you must have that important discussion.
My husbands horoscope said.
 If your not quick or smart enough, your going to be 

***
Thankyou so much Charlotte they were good .  Keith 
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