[guide.chat] :Fwd: Warrantee's over!

From: Keith Wines <muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Tue, 6 Dec 2011 13:26:34 -0000
-----Original Message-----
From: Si Watson - Email Address: mrsvilla@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent On: 01/12/2011 17:37
Sent To: muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx

:Fwd: Warrantee's over!

 warrante's over

Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of it's Warranty:
-- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

-- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

-- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

-- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner
    of warp coil now help up by phone book.

-- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

-- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

-- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
    from flickering.

-- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
    through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

-- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

-- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
    side become too steep for crew to climb.

-- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
    people on board.

-- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome
    by ten thousand care bears.

-- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
    macaroni and cheese.

-- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

-- Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will
    either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

-- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in
    Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

-- Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and
    related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new
    clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

-- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says
    "Pretty please with sugar on it".

-- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room
    are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

-- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
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[guide.chat] :Fwd: Warrantee's over!

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