[guide.chat] :Fwd : TAX!
- From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 22 Jun 2011 23:22:18 +0100
-----Original Message----- From: Jenny Coupe Sent On: 22/06/2011 15:02 Sent To: Keith Subject:Fwd: TAX! Subject: TAX UK Tax Guidance Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. Q.. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka . * If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China . * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .. * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea . * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1) Spending it at car boot sales, or 2) Going to night clubs, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Buy Beer or whiskey, or 5) Get yourself a Tattoo, or 6) Visit a bookie, or (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! ----- No virus found in this message.
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