[guide.chat] :Fwd : TAX!

 

-----Original Message-----
From: Jenny Coupe
Sent On: 22/06/2011 15:02
Sent To: Keith
Subject:Fwd: TAX!

Subject: TAX

 
UK Tax  Guidance
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
     
     
         
         
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sometime  this year,  we taxpayers will again receive  another 'Economic 
Stimulus'  payment.    

This is  indeed a very exciting program,  and I'll  explain it by using a Q 
& A format:  
Q.  What is an  'Economic Stimulus' payment ? 

A.  It is money that the government  will send to taxpayers. 
Q..  Where will the government get this  money ? 

A.  From taxpayers.  
Q.  So the  government is giving me back my own money ?  

A.  Only a smidgen of it.  
Q.  What is the  purpose of this payment ? 

A.  The plan is for you to use the  money to purchase a high-definition TV  
set,  thus stimulating the economy.  
Q.  But isn't  that stimulating the economy of China ?  

A.  Shut up. 
Below is some helpful advice on  how to best help the U.K. economy by 
spending  your stimulus cheque  wisely:         

*  If you spend the stimulus money at  Asda or Tesco,  the money will go to 
China  , Taiwan or Sri Lanka . 
*  If you spend it on petrol,   your money will go to the Arabs. 
*  If you purchase a  computer, it will go to India , Taiwan  or  China .  

*  If you purchase fruit and  vegetables,  it will go to Mexico ,  Honduras 
and Guatemala .. 
*  If you buy an efficient   car,  it will go to Japan or Korea .  

*  If  you purchase useless  stuff,  it will go to Taiwan . 

*  If  you pay your credit cards off, or buy  shares,  it will go to 
management bonuses  and they will hide it offshore. 
Instead,  keep the money in  the UK by: 
1)   Spending it at car boot sales,   or      

2)  Going to night clubs,   or    

3)   Spending it on  prostitutes, or   

4)   Buy Beer or  whiskey, or    

5) Get yourself a Tattoo,  or 

6) Visit a  bookie, or

(These are the  only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )  
Conclusion: 

Be  patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed  prostitute that you met 
at a car boot sale and  drink beer day and night ! 

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