[guide.chat] Fw: HILLARIOUS
- From: "elaine nutley" <e.nutley@xxxxxxx>
- To: "Jane Balmforth" <janieb1958@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Debbie Berkinshaw" <darrenanddebi@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Ann Coleman" <m.acoleman@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Nicola Daley" <n_daly@xxxxxxxxxx>, "Mike Douel" <m.douel@xxxxxxx>, "Claire Evans" <claire@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Marion Foster" <marion331@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Jenifer Furnell" <jenifer.furnell@xxxxxxxxx>, "Guide Chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Marilyn Hayto" <malhayto@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Alf Lewendon" <alflewendon@xxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Sally" <se.wooller@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Sheila And Brian" <bj.knight007@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Shirley Springett" <tripleckickerswdc@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Joyce Welsh" <jwelsh123@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <young.g@xxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2011 19:01:40 +0100
NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought
humiliation to her friends and family when she set a new standard for
stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire'
Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two,
got stuck on the first question and proceeded to make what fans of the show are
dubbing 'the absolute worst use
of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to
the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial
$100 question.
The question was: 'Which of the following is
the largest?'
A) Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) A Car
Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all
consuming panic as she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a
toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief. 'I
mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before,
but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her
three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide
which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly
easy question, Evans still remained unsure.
'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!'
exclaimed Evans. Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Mrs. Evans asked to be
connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on
TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an
important question. Which of the following is the largest?
B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds
hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C,
the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten
seconds. 'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't
be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans
declined to take her friend's advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy.
She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said
Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the
audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her
lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life. 'Wow, seems like
everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans.
'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see... I'm
going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the
only one waiting with bated breath -
and was told that she was wrong, and that the
answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'
Caution...they walk among us!
---------------------
This one is equally unbelievable. (No comments
needed!)
They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his
front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you
take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without
anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful
of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for
sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!
-------------------------------------
I stopped at McDonalds and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said would you like
some fries with that?
One day I was walking down the beach with some
friends when someone shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the
estate agent which direction was north because
he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the
east
and has for sometime. She shook her head and
said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!
--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our
cafeteria,when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it
in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I was going out with a friend when we saw a
woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out
every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear
remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
They Walk Among Us !
-------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport
baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The
woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be
alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for
some time
then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't
think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us!
And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF
REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an
academic function where a CONGRESSMAN happened to appear. The CONGRESSMAN took
the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question
with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' He asked,
'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a
simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person
hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked the CONGRESSMAN.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three
trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
The CONGRESSMAN thought a moment, and then said
with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history.'
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