[guide.chat] Fw: ALL PUNS INTENDED [SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]

From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Wed, 15 Jul 2009 11:21:56 +0100

Subject: Fw: ALL PUNS INTENDED  


I take no responsibility for these  lol
Subject: FW: ALL PUNS INTENDED [SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]

 

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                        1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got 
married. 

                        The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was 
  

                         

                         

                        2. A set of jumper  leads walk into a bar. 

                        The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start 
anything.' 

                         

                        3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.  

                         

                        4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

                         

                        5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under 
his arm, and says: 

                        'A beer please, and one for the road.' 

                         

                        6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the 
other: 

                        'Does this taste funny to you ?' 

                         

                         

                        7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass 
of Home.' 

                        'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 

                        'Is it common ?' 

                        'Well, It's Not Unusual.' 

                         

                        8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. 

                        Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated 
this morning.' 

                        'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 

                        'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

                              

                         

                        9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

                        The kids were nothing to look at either.

                         

                         

                        10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull 
before.

                         

                         

                        11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other 
day, but I couldn't find any.

                         

                         

                        12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious 
accident. 

                        He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !' 

                        The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off 
your arms !'

                         

                         

                         

                        13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a 
mussel.

                         

                         

                        14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ? 

                        A fsh. 

                         

                        15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. 

                        One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

                              

                         

                         

                        16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so 
they lit a fire in the craft. 

                        It sank, proving once again that you can't have your 
kayak and heat it too.

                         

                         

                        17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, 

                        and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent 
tournament victories. 

                        After about an hour, the manager came out of the 
office, and asked them to

                         disperse.

                        'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.

                        'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting 
in an open foyer.'

                         

                         

                        18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

                        One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 
'Ahmal.'

                        The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 
'Juan.'

                        Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his 
birth mother. 

                        Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that 
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. 

                        Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen 
Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

                         

                         

                         

                        19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most 
of the time, 

                        which produced an impressive set of calluses on his 
feet. 

                        He also ate very little, which made him rather frail 
and with his odd diet, 

                        he suffered from bad breath.
                        This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) 
..... 

                        A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

                         

                            

                         

                        20 And finally, there was the person who sent twenty 
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns 
would make them laugh. 

                        No pun in ten did.
                       

                 

                 

           
When this email arrived ,it said no viruses found in this document etc ,  good 
wasn't it ?

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Internal Virus Database is out of date.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com 
Version: 8.0.233 / Virus Database: 270.10.16/1929 - Release Date: 01/02/2009 
18:02

Internal Virus Database is out of date.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com 
Version: 8.0.233 / Virus Database: 270.10.16/1929 - Release Date: 01/02/2009 
18:02

[guide.chat] Fw: ALL PUNS INTENDED [SEC=UNCLASSIFIED]

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