[guide.chat] FW: Do you fart in bed?
- From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:48:12 +0100
Hi all you will need your disposable panties or sick bag ready after
reading this one ,ok .
Do you
fart in bed?
IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD,
LET ME KNOW AND
I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A
COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS?
THE ONLY FRICTION IN
THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING
WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE
SMELL WOULD MAKE
HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD
PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT
WAS MAKING HER
SICK.
HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY
NATURAL.
SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE
DAY HE WOULD BLOW
HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE
CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY
MORNING, AS SHE WAS
PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS
UPSTAIRS
S OUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT
THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE
SPARE PARTS, AND A
MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS
WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND,
GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS
BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF
HIS UNDERPANTS AND
EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH
WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND
OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.
THE WIFE
COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING,
TEARS
IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM
BACK
PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME
DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED
UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS
FACE.
SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE
SAID, 'HONEY YOU
WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I
DIDN'T LISTEN TO
YOU'.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS
WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING
MY GUTS OUT,
AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
'BUT BY THE GRACE OF
GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT
MOST OF THEM
BACK
IN
Hi all you can get up off the floor now ,I hope you enjoyed this one ,it came
from my carer ,she has a terrific sense of humour ,don't you think so . Keith --- Begin Message ---
- From: "Smigielska, Lerain" <Lerain.Smigielska@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lerainsmigielska@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:45:47 +0100
Lerain Smigielska
Reablement Locality Manager South
Chipper Lane
Salisbury
SP1 1DU
01722 432337/8 office 07786 683456 mobile
________________________________
From: Andrew.Weeks@xxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:Andrew.Weeks@xxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: 19 June 2009 08:29
To: Lerain.Smigielska@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: FW: Do you fart in bed?
This should make you laugh!
Andy Weeks
Project Manager - Airfields Division
Colas Limited
Tel: 0121 561 5561
Direct Dial: 0121 561 6612
Mobile: 07836 221468
Visit our website at: www.colas.co.uk <http://www.colas.co.uk/>
________________________________
From: Hughes Rick
Sent: 19 June 2009 07:37
To: Weeks Andy
Subject: FW: Do you fart in bed?
Many Thanks
Rick Hughes
Surfacing Agent
Colas Midlands
Mobile 07748 478047
Office 0121 5615561
________________________________
From: Troeger Jochen
Sent: 18 June 2009 12:55
To: Mullett Aaron; Pardoe Jeremy; Pritchett Nicola; Savva Andrew; Doyle Jim;
Hughes Rick
Subject: FW: Do you fart in bed?
Jochen Troeger
Colas Ltd
Retread Manager
M: 07836 635038
T1: 01476 404210
T2: 0121 561 5561
F: 01476 404215
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From: callmeaims@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: FW: Do you fart in bed?
Date: Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:11:44 +1000
Beatrice Gilpin
Do you fart in bed?
IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND
I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS?
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE
SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT
WAS MAKING HER SICK.
HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.
SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW
HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY
MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS
S OUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE
SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND,
GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF
HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH
WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.
THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING,
TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK
PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED
UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.
SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU
WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO
YOU'.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.
'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT,
AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
'BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT
MOST OF THEM BACK IN
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