I went blind in Tesco

The Daily Mirror (UK)
Thursday, October 25, 2007

I went blind in Tesco

Caption: When Maria Pikulski, 46, suddenly lost her sight she tried to kill 
herself. But it was only then that she could start living again

'Walking through the supermarket door I stopped dead as everything began to 
swim before my eyes. Bright lights flashed and suddenly everything was a blur.

The other shoppers looked like aliens. Their faces were just blocks of bright 
colours. In a panic, I stumbled out and back to my car.

Somehow I slowly drove the two miles home - luckily it was a familiar route.

That was the last time I ever drove a car.

I staggered into my house in floods of tears and sobbed to my partner Richard 
Moore: "I can't see, I can't see!" I was absolutely terrified by what was 
happening to me.

The first sign that something wasn't quite right with my sight came six months 
earlier in February 2003. Until then, I'd always prided myself on perfect 20/20 
eyesight, which had helped me when I joined the Army aged 18.

Later I was in the Territorial Army, then I worked as an auxiliary nurse. I'd 
never had problems with my eyes. I didn't need glasses.

It was on my late shift at the hospital that I got the first inkling something 
might be wrong. An elderly patient called me over and said "I've seen you 
struggling to do lots of fiddly jobs, you must get your eyes tested."

Some everyday tasks which were normally second nature had become a real 
struggle, but I'd put it down to tiredness.

During a quiet moment later that night, I put my hand over my eye and was 
shocked at how poor the sight was in the left one.

I went to see an optician who sent me to hospital, suspecting I had a tumour 
behind my eye. I was terrified and stunned that this was happening.

I'd thought I might need glasses for close work but had never imagined for a 
second that it might be this serious.

I had various tests but no sign of a tumour could be found. Doctors discovered 
the optic nerve in my left eye was badly swollen and affecting my vision. Many 
explanations were considered, then ruled out. I needed an MRI scan and during 
the eight-week wait for an appointment, I continued working.

One evening, as I drove to the hospital to start my nightshift, everything in 
front of me became fuzzy. It was like constantly being dazzled by others cars' 
headlights.

I struggled through my shift - it wasn't quite as bad once I was inside. The 
next morning it seemed easier. How wrong I was.

After work I drove to the supermarket. That's when the vision went in my right 
eye too. Next day I went to my GP who gave me an emergency referral to 
hospital... for a fortnight's time.

Everything quickly became a huge effort. I fumbled around just to make a cup of 
tea, get dressed of find my shampoo in the bathroom.

At first I was frightened but soon the fear turned to depression. I couldn't 
stand the thought I might be stuck like that for ever. Richard, 45, tried to be 
positive and kept saying I would be fine. But I felt devastated - and desperate.

After a row with Richard I dashed outside, I just wanted it all to be over. I 
ran into the middle of the road outside our house in Leyland, Lancashire. I 
wanted to be hit by a car, for this nightmare to end.

I saw the blurred shapes swerving around me, tooting their horns. But they 
missed me. I went back inside and cried: "I'm so useless, I can't even kill 
myself!"

Before long, I couldn't see anything clearly and so watching TV and reading 
were no longer a pleasure.

I fell over in the house and walking down our path and I was told I would lose 
my job, which made me feel like a non-person. I felt my life was over and not 
worth living. I even told a friend I wanted to go to a Swiss assisted suicide 
clinic for a lethal injection.

My worst fears were realised in August 2003 when the neurologist told me there 
was good and bad news.

He said I didn't have multiple sclerosis, which I had feared. Instead I had a 
condition called Lebers Optic Neuropathy. I'd never heard of it but he 
explained it was a condition that affects the vision and can also make your 
limbs feel numb and clumsy.

He said the condition is extremely rare in men and he had never seen it in a 
woman. It's a degenerative disease and one day I might be plunged into total 
blackness.

It was a relief to have a diagnosis but the thought that I could be completely 
blind one day, and at best would stay in this condition, sent me further into a 
downward spiral.

The following September I was registered blind - another low point. Soon 
afterwards I got my white stick. I hated the idea of having one, it was as if 
it was a sign I could no longer be part of the sighted world.

I sometimes didn't take it. Again I hoped I would be involved in an accident 
and be killed. I was so miserable.

I was so down I would drink a bottle of wine a night and eat a huge bar of 
chocolate. I felt I would never stop crying. I didn't go out and put on 5st, 
shooting up to almost 16st. I just didn't care what I looked like.

I had always been so independent, and suddenly needed help with everything. For 
Richard and my friends, it was a huge upheaval too. But several charities and 
supportive people helped me out and made me realise there was life after going 
blind.

Because of my time in the Army, I was put in touch with St Dunstan's, the 
charity that helps blind service personnel. I was at their home in Brighton 
when I met an 82-year-old ex-soldier.

He'd been blinded at Dunkirk aged 19 but had lived a full life and had his own 
business.

It made me feel less sorry for myself and I got the confidence to pick myself 
up. I decided to make the most of everything as I knew my condition would 
probably worsen. My limbs are starting to be affected and I'm still terrified 
I'll go from being able to make out some shapes and colours to total blackness.

I started trying adrenaline-fuelled things I would never have attempted before. 
I learnt to ski and loved it so much I've been again. I shed my 5st and have 
now been white-water rafting, canoeing, climbing with ropes, mountain walking, 
sky-diving, abseiling and I'm training for next year's London Marathon.

This summer I got a new job - I'm an administrator at Action for Blind People, 
which gave me such great support.

My computer has been adapted with a magnified screen and I'm learning Braille 
in case I lose what little sight I have one day. I won't let my rare type of 
blindness stop me making the most of everything.

When it happened I wished my life was over... now I'm doing things I'd never 
have dreamed of doing when I could see.'

AS TOLD TO ADRIAN MONTI

Action for Blind People is a national organisation that helps 24,000 blind and 
partially sighted people get practical support. Visit 
www.actionforblindpeople.org.uk or call their national freephone helpline on 
0800 915 4666.


http://www.mirror.co.uk/showbiz/yourlife/2007/10/25/i-went-blind-in-tesco-89520-20007170/
BlindNews Mailing List
Subscribe: BlindNews-Request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with "subscribe" as subject

Unsubscribe: BlindNews-Request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with "unsubscribe" as subject

Moderator: BlindNews-Moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Archive: http://GeoffAndWen.com/blind

RSS: http://GeoffAndWen.com/BlindNewsRSS.asp

More information about RSS feeds will be published shortly.

Other related posts: