[bct] Re: Teasing

  • From: The Scarlet Wombat <coconut@xxxxxxx>
  • To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 01 Feb 2006 18:54:09 -0500

Beth, I did that once. It is an experience I, nor the fine citizens of Shady Cove, California, will never forget. I dumped a bottle of Scotch into the community fish pond, in front of city hall, late one Saturday night after the local policeman had passed out in his car from too many doughnuts. I emptied the whole bottle, 750 ml, into the pond and beat feet out of there.

About seven the next morning, there was a god-awful roaring noise from the direction of city hall. I never figured it had anything to do with the Scotch, so got on my bike and sped that direction to see what the commotion was.

When I arrived, or rather, tried to arrive, there were about a thousand people there yelling and jostling to get a view. I elbowed my way through the crowd and saw something that I will never forget. The goldfish in the pond, they actually called them Coi, had grown, I don't mean a little, I mean to ten foot monsters. They also had somehow, developed the ability to breathe air as they were flopping all over the pavement around the fish pond and walking on their fins. There was, what can only be called, a gigantic bar fight among the fish. One would rear up and slap another with its fins, and then be hit from behind by another fish who had launched himself, or was it herself, from the steps of city hall. Not only were they all in this incredible fight, as we watched, they were growing. Within five minutes, each was twenty feet long and three had burst through the doors of city hall and were tearing the innards out of the building.

There were about twenty five of these monsters, and in an hour, each was the size of a semi tractor and trailor and had clogged Interstate 5 and caused the biggest traffic jam of the 20th century.

It was hard to believe this all came from just one bottle of Scotch.

After the last fish had disappeared down the interstate, the janitor just stood there in a daze. I asked him what happened, as if I did not know. He shook his head and just muttered, "There's one missing, I had 26 fish in there, there are only 25, where's the last one?" Just then, a thunderous noise came from city hall, itself, and the building rose and crumbled as a fish, possibly 300 feet long, flashed up from the sewers and flew off. Yup, you should have seen the one who got away.

Dan, see what Scotch will do?

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