[bct] Re: Relationships

  • From: Tim Cross <tcross@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005 19:49:15 +1100


I agree - I hate it when people do things because they think you need
them to. To be honest, until it started being discussed here, I didn't
ever consider some blind people whould get others to cut up their meat
etc. About the only time I have problems is when using some knives and
forks which, due to their design, are difficult to orient
correctly. Sometimes, you cannot tell which way a fork curves just by
holding the handle or which side of the knife is the sharper slightly
serated side. I have had friends occasionally say to me, Tim, you have
your knife upside down.


Rose Combs writes:
 > Only time I really asked to have meat cut up was in a restaurant when my
 > husband had one badly sprained arm and one broken one.  However, I have been
 > a few places where they don't even ask, and this may sound weird, but that
 > really annoys me.  I'd prefer to ask if I need it and to have it left alone
 > unless I specifically ask.  
 > Rose Combs
 > rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx 
 > -----Original Message-----
 > From: blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > [mailto:blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of boomerdad
 > Sent: Monday, October 31, 2005 4:42 PM
 > To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > Subject: [bct] Re: Relationships
 > I'd love to hear that podcast as well.
 > I've never been very good at cutting meat.  I tend to just ask the server to
 > have my meat cut into bite-sized pieces in the kitchen, and that is almost 
 > always a success.
 > ----- Original Message ----- 
 > From: "Jamie Pauls" <jamiepauls@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
 > To: <blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
 > Sent: Monday, October 31, 2005 9:10 AM
 > Subject: [bct] Re: Relationships
 > > That was about as enjoyable as listening to a career cast. Well done. 
 > > You mentioned allowing your spouse to help with cutting a steak. This 
 > > is something I let my wife do quite a lot for several years, but I am 
 > > trying to become more proficient at cutting meat. Why am I rambling on 
 > > about cutting meat? Because for several weeks now I considered asking 
 > > Larry to do a podcast on restaurant etiquette. Does he ever accept 
 > > help with any food items? Does he stay away from things that are 
 > > difficult? Does being sighted
 > > previously put him in a better position to deal with food items than 
 > > someone
 > > who has been blind since birth? The NFB makes asking for help in a
 > > restaurant seem like a crime. If I am misreading their philosophy, I will
 > > stand corrected. I will admit that when I am out with the guys it is a bit
 > > awkward to ask for help with cutting meat; much more awkward than when 
 > > it's
 > > just my wife and me. This is why I am working to really increase my skills
 > > in this area. I'd be interested in hearing from others on this subject.
 > > Incidentally, I didn't find anything to speak of regarding dining 
 > > etiquette
 > > last time I checked Fred's Head, although I did find my own AccessWatch
 > > site. That was cool. I'll be braced and ready for any responses I get to
 > > this post. (smile) Don't be too hard on me. Thanks and happy Halloween.
 > >
 > > -----Original Message-----
 > > From: blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > > [mailto:blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Rose Combs
 > > Sent: Sunday, October 30, 2005 9:04 PM
 > > To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > > Subject: [bct] Relationships
 > >
 > > I'd like to comment on relationships but I am not able to do recording 
 > > at this point.  As I mentioned previously, my husband is working on 
 > > his Master's degree and his time is limited to help me this weekend as 
 > > he has a project due tomorrow.  For anyone interested, he is obtaining 
 > > his degree through University of Phoenix online program, so, he never 
 > > has to leave home
 > > to attend a class but there is a lot of teamwork and projects he has to
 > > complete for each class he takes, and he is about half way through his
 > > program right now.
 > >
 > > We have been married for 30 years last May.  Tom is partial vision, 
 > > and
 > > the
 > > ability to use it fairly well.  He does comment to me often that people 
 > > seem
 > > to be annoyed with him because he does not recognize them if they are 
 > > really
 > > far away and wave at him or something.  Oddly enough, he has to take off 
 > > his
 > > glasses to read which can be a problem if he forgets where he laid them
 > > down, I generally know where he has been if he does not.
 > >
 > > We have had our problems, of course, and as neither of us can see well 
 > > enough to drive, we depend on public transportation a lot, or friends 
 > > and family occasionally.  However, Tom does see fairly well and feels 
 > > competent to ride a bicycle.  Since we are in Arizona, we ride our 
 > > tandem to and from
 > > work, to the store and to places that are reasonably close.  We have large
 > > saddle baskets on the back and it it is amazing some of the things we have
 > > carried home on it.  In 30 years we have had maybe four accidents, none of
 > > which was our fault, three different cars have pulled out and hit the back
 > > of the bike, damaging the baskets two times, once we went down in some 
 > > slimy
 > > mud on a bike path a fall that happened so quick it was almost like we hit
 > > the ground before we fell, and I broke my collarbone in two places, and we
 > > were going about two miles per hour when it happened.
 > >
 > > People around the area are used to seeing us, wonder where we are if 
 > > we
 > > are
 > > absent for too long.
 > >
 > > My husband tends not to be organized, he thinks that if he put 
 > > something back in the same room he got it from it is perfectly OK, and 
 > > it drives me crazy, not only do I have to hunt for it again, so does 
 > > he because he cannot remember where he put it.  I tried the break this 
 > > habit early in the marriage by peppering his popcorn when he put the 
 > > pepper where I normally put the salt, but, alas, it got a laugh but 
 > > did not teach him anything.
 > >
 > > I remember one Christmas time when I had a severe cold but was tired 
 > > of lying in bed so I decided to clean up the desk and the end table 
 > > near it. I dumped everything in the trash and then discovered a couple 
 > > of weeks later that I had also dumped our unpaid bills which explained 
 > > why the checking account seemed fuller than normal.  It was funny but 
 > > some of the utilities did not see it that way.  Since then I don't 
 > > mess with the printed papers.
 > >
 > > There is a lot of give and take in a long-term relationship, and there 
 > > are times when I do not understand things from tom's perspective and 
 > > he does not always understand mine but we sometimes have to agree to 
 > > disagree.
 > >
 > > On the other hand, in the early 1980's when I was learning about
 > > computers,
 > > Tom read a lot of the books to me despite the fact that it was not always
 > > easy for him.  In 2002 after he broke his arm I attended an Oracle class
 > > with him to carry his flipper-port camera and set it up and to do his 
 > > typing
 > > so he could finish the course.  The only thing I did not do was help with
 > > the final, not that I could have given him any answers, but by that point 
 > > he
 > > was typing a bit better despite the cast.
 > >
 > > Early on I tried to do everything for myself, cutting up my own meat, 
 > > insisting I did not need help.  In 1989 I had to have a glomus tumor 
 > > removed from my left ear and for a few months had absolutely no 
 > > hearing on that side, and during the healing process there were many 
 > > things I could not do well due to weakness in my left hand and arm--it 
 > > was not connected to my ear
 > > but the surgery did cause some weakness.  I started letting him help more,
 > > and now it is almost routine that he will cut up a steak for me, except 
 > > when
 > > he had his broken arm, then I had to do it for both of us.  He had to help
 > > me even more in 1997 when I broke my collarbone, again on the left but 
 > > doing
 > > things like combing my hair hurt even when I was using my right arm.  I 
 > > was
 > > in this figure-of-eight brace and could not even get dressed without help.
 > > Of course, the first couple of weeks after he broke his arm I had to help
 > > him dress, and It isn't easy to dress an adult male.
 > >
 > > I gave tom information on University of Phoenix in 1996 after I signed 
 > > up
 > > on
 > > CompuServe, and he was at a point in his life where he wanted and needed a
 > > change so he pursued the BS degree he had abandoned nearly 30 years 
 > > before.
 > > When he said he thought he wanted a Master's degree I told him to go for 
 > > it
 > > we'd rearrange things so he could have the time to do that.  It means our
 > > social life is almost nonexistent at the moment but I am an avid reader so
 > > I
 > > don't mind all that much.
 > >
 > > We don't do a lot except our jobs where we are not together.  We shop 
 > > together, vacation together (I know people who do not), we prefer to 
 > > go to parties together.  Tom prefers TV, I prefer books, he is a 
 > > sports fanatic, I could care less but those things we work around.
 > >
 > > In some ways for me it is like having a sighted husband but then again 
 > > it
 > > is
 > > not.  Tom has always been willing to describe things for me, movies, items
 > > at the store, even sporting events I am not particularly interested in. 
 > > He
 > > is fortunate to be able to use the vision he has well.  I am not certain 
 > > how
 > > he would handle vision loss, for now he would never carry a cane, although
 > > he never objects when I have one with me.  I know he would definitely feel
 > > the loss should it ever happen to him but I have confidence that together 
 > > we
 > > would get through it.
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > > After 30 years I cannot imagine having this type of relationship with
 > > anyone
 > > else.
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > > Rose Combs
 > > rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > > 

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