[bct] Re: Relationships

  • From: "Rose Combs" <rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:15:33 -0700

Only time I really asked to have meat cut up was in a restaurant when my
husband had one badly sprained arm and one broken one.  However, I have been
a few places where they don't even ask, and this may sound weird, but that
really annoys me.  I'd prefer to ask if I need it and to have it left alone
unless I specifically ask.  

Rose Combs

-----Original Message-----
From: blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of boomerdad
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2005 4:42 PM
To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [bct] Re: Relationships

I'd love to hear that podcast as well.

I've never been very good at cutting meat.  I tend to just ask the server to

have my meat cut into bite-sized pieces in the kitchen, and that is almost 
always a success.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jamie Pauls" <jamiepauls@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2005 9:10 AM
Subject: [bct] Re: Relationships

> That was about as enjoyable as listening to a career cast. Well done. 
> You mentioned allowing your spouse to help with cutting a steak. This 
> is something I let my wife do quite a lot for several years, but I am 
> trying to become more proficient at cutting meat. Why am I rambling on 
> about cutting meat? Because for several weeks now I considered asking 
> Larry to do a podcast on restaurant etiquette. Does he ever accept 
> help with any food items? Does he stay away from things that are 
> difficult? Does being sighted
> previously put him in a better position to deal with food items than 
> someone
> who has been blind since birth? The NFB makes asking for help in a
> restaurant seem like a crime. If I am misreading their philosophy, I will
> stand corrected. I will admit that when I am out with the guys it is a bit
> awkward to ask for help with cutting meat; much more awkward than when 
> it's
> just my wife and me. This is why I am working to really increase my skills
> in this area. I'd be interested in hearing from others on this subject.
> Incidentally, I didn't find anything to speak of regarding dining 
> etiquette
> last time I checked Fred's Head, although I did find my own AccessWatch
> site. That was cool. I'll be braced and ready for any responses I get to
> this post. (smile) Don't be too hard on me. Thanks and happy Halloween.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> [mailto:blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Rose Combs
> Sent: Sunday, October 30, 2005 9:04 PM
> To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [bct] Relationships
> I'd like to comment on relationships but I am not able to do recording 
> at this point.  As I mentioned previously, my husband is working on 
> his Master's degree and his time is limited to help me this weekend as 
> he has a project due tomorrow.  For anyone interested, he is obtaining 
> his degree through University of Phoenix online program, so, he never 
> has to leave home
> to attend a class but there is a lot of teamwork and projects he has to
> complete for each class he takes, and he is about half way through his
> program right now.
> We have been married for 30 years last May.  Tom is partial vision, 
> and
> the
> ability to use it fairly well.  He does comment to me often that people 
> seem
> to be annoyed with him because he does not recognize them if they are 
> really
> far away and wave at him or something.  Oddly enough, he has to take off 
> his
> glasses to read which can be a problem if he forgets where he laid them
> down, I generally know where he has been if he does not.
> We have had our problems, of course, and as neither of us can see well 
> enough to drive, we depend on public transportation a lot, or friends 
> and family occasionally.  However, Tom does see fairly well and feels 
> competent to ride a bicycle.  Since we are in Arizona, we ride our 
> tandem to and from
> work, to the store and to places that are reasonably close.  We have large
> saddle baskets on the back and it it is amazing some of the things we have
> carried home on it.  In 30 years we have had maybe four accidents, none of
> which was our fault, three different cars have pulled out and hit the back
> of the bike, damaging the baskets two times, once we went down in some 
> slimy
> mud on a bike path a fall that happened so quick it was almost like we hit
> the ground before we fell, and I broke my collarbone in two places, and we
> were going about two miles per hour when it happened.
> People around the area are used to seeing us, wonder where we are if 
> we
> are
> absent for too long.
> My husband tends not to be organized, he thinks that if he put 
> something back in the same room he got it from it is perfectly OK, and 
> it drives me crazy, not only do I have to hunt for it again, so does 
> he because he cannot remember where he put it.  I tried the break this 
> habit early in the marriage by peppering his popcorn when he put the 
> pepper where I normally put the salt, but, alas, it got a laugh but 
> did not teach him anything.
> I remember one Christmas time when I had a severe cold but was tired 
> of lying in bed so I decided to clean up the desk and the end table 
> near it. I dumped everything in the trash and then discovered a couple 
> of weeks later that I had also dumped our unpaid bills which explained 
> why the checking account seemed fuller than normal.  It was funny but 
> some of the utilities did not see it that way.  Since then I don't 
> mess with the printed papers.
> There is a lot of give and take in a long-term relationship, and there 
> are times when I do not understand things from tom's perspective and 
> he does not always understand mine but we sometimes have to agree to 
> disagree.
> On the other hand, in the early 1980's when I was learning about
> computers,
> Tom read a lot of the books to me despite the fact that it was not always
> easy for him.  In 2002 after he broke his arm I attended an Oracle class
> with him to carry his flipper-port camera and set it up and to do his 
> typing
> so he could finish the course.  The only thing I did not do was help with
> the final, not that I could have given him any answers, but by that point 
> he
> was typing a bit better despite the cast.
> Early on I tried to do everything for myself, cutting up my own meat, 
> insisting I did not need help.  In 1989 I had to have a glomus tumor 
> removed from my left ear and for a few months had absolutely no 
> hearing on that side, and during the healing process there were many 
> things I could not do well due to weakness in my left hand and arm--it 
> was not connected to my ear
> but the surgery did cause some weakness.  I started letting him help more,
> and now it is almost routine that he will cut up a steak for me, except 
> when
> he had his broken arm, then I had to do it for both of us.  He had to help
> me even more in 1997 when I broke my collarbone, again on the left but 
> doing
> things like combing my hair hurt even when I was using my right arm.  I 
> was
> in this figure-of-eight brace and could not even get dressed without help.
> Of course, the first couple of weeks after he broke his arm I had to help
> him dress, and It isn't easy to dress an adult male.
> I gave tom information on University of Phoenix in 1996 after I signed 
> up
> on
> CompuServe, and he was at a point in his life where he wanted and needed a
> change so he pursued the BS degree he had abandoned nearly 30 years 
> before.
> When he said he thought he wanted a Master's degree I told him to go for 
> it
> we'd rearrange things so he could have the time to do that.  It means our
> social life is almost nonexistent at the moment but I am an avid reader so

> I
> don't mind all that much.
> We don't do a lot except our jobs where we are not together.  We shop 
> together, vacation together (I know people who do not), we prefer to 
> go to parties together.  Tom prefers TV, I prefer books, he is a 
> sports fanatic, I could care less but those things we work around.
> In some ways for me it is like having a sighted husband but then again 
> it
> is
> not.  Tom has always been willing to describe things for me, movies, items
> at the store, even sporting events I am not particularly interested in. 
> He
> is fortunate to be able to use the vision he has well.  I am not certain 
> how
> he would handle vision loss, for now he would never carry a cane, although
> he never objects when I have one with me.  I know he would definitely feel
> the loss should it ever happen to him but I have confidence that together 
> we
> would get through it.
> After 30 years I cannot imagine having this type of relationship with
> anyone
> else.
> Rose Combs
> rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx

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