[bct] Re: Eating Out

  • From: Tim Cross <tcross@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 3 Nov 2005 18:50:02 +1100

Hi Dana,

No problems with the mistake. I did have a partner for 14 years and we
were as good as married. Unfortunately, our relationship lasted about
12 months after I lost my sight. I think the changes were all just too
much for her and its one of the issues I think is often over looked by
many support organisations. When I lost my sight, I got lots of help
from various groups like the royal blind society and guide dogs for
the blind. However, there was no support or service for my
partner. She had to deal with it all on her own and as I was dealing
with my own issues of coming to terms with the changes, I was too self
absorbed and depressed to help her.

We did manage to work out our friendship, but by then, too much water
had passed under the bridge and the relationship was beyond
recovery. I now know that she was also grieving for me, our lost plans
and dreams and of course, my change in mood and depression didn't
help. I was angry for quite some time. Now I've learnt to accept it
and most of the time, I am able to rise above the depression and deal
with the frustration etc. Its one of the amazing things about us
humans - we learn to cope with whatever we are dealt with.

Tim


Dana Niswonger writes:
 > Hi again Tim:
 > Right on man!  I refuse to let my wife tell me that I don't look like Tully 
 > Savoliss, or however  his name is spelled.  Sorry, somehow, I got the 
 > impression that you were married and had a wife whom you must deal with when 
 > riding in the car as navigator.  I do this regularly and I'm expected to 
 > have the right answers when she makes the wrong turn, lol!  Sometime soon, 
 > I'll post my story called, Laughing Your Eyes Out.  You'll love it, really!
 > Dana
 > 
 > ----- Original Message ----- 
 > From: "Tim Cross" <tcross@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
 > To: <blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
 > Sent: Wednesday, November 02, 2005 2:17 AM
 > Subject: [bct] Re: Eating Out
 > 
 > 
 > >
 > > I hate buffet type dining. The only food available at work is
 > > self-serve and I find it such a hassle I just don't bother with
 > > lunch. I'm also too lazy and unorganised to make my own lunch.
 > >
 > > Generally, I don't have trouble cutting up meat, but I do try to avoid
 > > meals which involve meat on the bone. A wedding I went to recently
 > > served half a small duck as the main course - basically, I just didn't
 > > bother trying to work out how to eat it. I'm not that keen on duck
 > > anyway. I also avoid fish that has lots of bones.
 > >
 > > The first time I invited people over for dinner after I lost my sight,
 > > I tried to ensure I was really organised and really wanted things to
 > > go well. However, I stuffed up rather badly. After careflly peeling
 > > all the vegetables and putting them aside so that I could use them in
 > > the stir fry, I got the piles mixed up. All my carefully chopped up
 > > vegetables went into the composte bucket and all the tops, tails and
 > > peelings went into the stir fry.
 > >
 > > My friends were too embarrassed to say anything and I didn't realise
 > > what had happened until after I had served them and I sat down to eat
 > > mine. Did you know that stir fried onion peel gets the same
 > > consistency and taste  as a plastic bag! Needless to say, the pizza
 > > that night was great!
 > >
 > > for me, the thing I hate is when I visit the pub to have a few beers
 > > and catch up with people. If I don't know the pub really well, I can't
 > > find the toilet and for some reason, it makes many people embarrassed
 > > when a 44 year old man asks for assistance to find the toilet.
 > >
 > > Shopping is a big problem here. There is no form of on-line grocery
 > > shopping available where I live and its difficult to find someone to
 > > assist me. The local supermarket does have someone available on
 > > Wednesdays, but I work full time and can't go shopping then. I have to
 > > rely on friends to assist me on the weekend, which is a big favor and
 > > often inconvenient for them when they have children and other family
 > > things they need to do. Often, they don't turn up when they are
 > > supposed to and I end up spending most of the day waiting, which is
 > > very frustrating, but there is little I can do because I am
 > > essentially relying on their goodwill and have to just accept what I
 > > can get.
 > >
 > > Some of my friends tell me I should find a girlfriend or a wife. I
 > > find such a suggestion a little obnoxious or at the least, misguided
 > > and somewhat exploitative. I'd like to think if I did find a partner
 > > or someone I wanted to marry, it would be motivated by a lot more than
 > > expedience in shopping, cooking, cleaning and living assistance! In
 > > fact, I suspect its my disability that is the main reason I've not
 > > been able to find a partner - I certainly had no problems in this area
 > > prior to my loss of sight and have had no success since, so there is
 > > definitely some sort of link. It could be just how much harder it is
 > > to meet new people when you cannot be as proactively social,
 > > especially for males. Of course, it could also be that I'm older,
 > > fatter, greyer and wrinklier! Who knows, its not like I can look in
 > > the mirror and tell! However, I'm pretty sure I'm more like Sean
 > > connery and am really just getting more handsome and distinguished
 > > looking as I age gracefully - its my dilusion and I'll live with it if
 > > I want to!
 > >
 > > regards,
 > >
 > > Handsome Tim
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > >
 > > Jake Joehl writes:
 > > > Same for me. My parents know what I like and don't like, and they sit me
 > > > down at a table and then go get me a plate of food and a drink. Or 
 > > > sometimes
 > > > I will go through the buffet line with someone, if the place isn't too
 > > > crowded.
 > > > Jake
 > > > ----- Original Message ----- 
 > > > From: "Rose Combs" <rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx>
 > > > To: <blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
 > > > Sent: Tuesday, 01 November, 2005 8:01 PM
 > > > Subject: [bct] Re: Eating Out
 > > >
 > > >
 > > > >I am not crazy about buffet style places either, I walk along and let
 > > > > someone else pick for me, or I hold a table for our party and my 
 > > > > husband
 > > > > gets what he knows I will eat.
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > > Rose Combs
 > > > > rosecombs@xxxxxxxxx
 > > > >
 > > > > -----Original Message-----
 > > > > From: blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > > > > [mailto:blindcooltech-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Graham Lewis
 > > > > Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2005 12:14 PM
 > > > > To: blindcooltech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 > > > > Subject: [bct] Eating Out
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > > I have to confess that the eating out thing usually has me on the run. 
 > > > > I
 > > > > usually turn down eating engagements as it is just too much of an 
 > > > > ordeal
 > > > > to
 > > > > go through it.
 > > > >
 > > > > I avoid 'self service' hot buffet places where you line up for hot 
 > > > > food
 > > > > and
 > > > > point out to the person behind the counter what you want then struggle
 > > > > through the crowds to pay and find a seat.  We get a lot of free meals 
 > > > > in
 > > > > conference facilities here during workshops that I run but I always 
 > > > > opt
 > > > > out
 > > > > f the food and go get a sandwich instead.
 > > > >
 > > > > It is more of a problem for me I think because I still have some 
 > > > > vision
 > > > > and
 > > > > most people judge me as sighted even though in most dining situations 
 > > > > de
 > > > > to
 > > > > the low lighting, I am really blind.
 > > > >
 > > > > I cannot imagine waitresses in this country cutting my meat for me!  I
 > > > > wouldn't ask.
 > > > >
 > > > > I only really eat out if I am with somebody who knows me well or if I 
 > > > > have
 > > > > no choice.
 > > > >
 > > > > So I guess I am not being an inspiration here.
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > > >
 > > >
 > > >
 > > >
 > > 
 > 
 > 

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