Yes, the last time I was in Texas was for a goalball tournament. I got this powder stuff that, if you got anywhere near it, you started tearing. And, I like hot stuff. But this stuff was riddiculous. I have never tasted, let alone smelled something so hot. Thanks Nimer J On 11/20/08, The Elf <inthaneelf@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > having been in Texas if only for a short time, I have an idea of the truth > of this rundown. > > I've only seen one salsa hotter than the stuff my partner got on our way > through, > > it started out as a home made salsa made by a Hispanic gal, who's family > came from Texas, she used to cause everyone to leave the house when she > started cooking her salsa, and should have had the guys in ASVAB suits > storming the place due to the toxic fumes, and then after super ventilating > my own kitchen, recooked that stuff with a freshly chopped pound of > Vietnamese peppers I got from another friend who grew up there... > > my friend in search of "some really hot salsa" was standing there, sweating, > tears running down her face copiously, and having to stop to clean up after > the Niagara falls her nose had become, congratulated me on finally finding > her some "hot" salsa > > lol, > take care, > inthane > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Nimer" <nimerjaber1@xxxxxxxxx> > To: <blind_html@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> > Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 8:04 PM > Subject: blind_html [Fwd: Chili Cook-Off] > > >>I like this one. >> Nimer J >> >> -------- Original Message -------- >> Subject: Chili Cook-Off >> Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:36:45 -0800 >> From: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> >> Reply-To: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> >> To: Alan J. Paganelli <alzan@xxxxxxxxxx> >> >> >> >> Chili Cook-Off >> If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope >> for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to >> paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas . >> Note: Please take time to read this slowly.. If you pay attention to the >> first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For >> those >> of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually >> have a Chili Cook-off about the time Hallo >> ween comes around. It takes up a >> major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was >> an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from >> Springfield, IL . >> Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili >> cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I >> happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions >> to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the >> other 2 >> judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, >> besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I >> accepted and became Judge 3.' >> Here are the scorecard notes from the event: >> CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI >> Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. >> Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. >> Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could >> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames >> out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. >> CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI >> Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. >> Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken >> seriously. >> Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what >> I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who >> wanted to >> give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw >> the look on my face. >> CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI >> Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. >> Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. >> Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels >> like >> I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more >> beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is >> in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the >> beer. >> CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC >> Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. >> Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or >> other mild foods, not much of a chili. >> Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to >> taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was >> standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to >> look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an >> aphrodisiac? >> CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER >> Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding >> considerable kick. Very impress >> ive. >> Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit >> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. >> Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I >> can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed >> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili >> had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring >> beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. >> It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. >> Screw them. >> CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY >> Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili >> . Good balance of spices >> and peppers. >> Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. >> Superb. >> Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >> sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it >> will >> eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except >> that >> Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow >> cone. >> CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI >> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. >> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of >> chili >> peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am wo >> rried about >> judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing >> uncontrollably. >> Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I >> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds >> like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which >> slid >> unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At >> least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to >> stop >> breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. >> If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. >> CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI >> Judge # >> 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold >> but spicy enough to declare its existence. >> Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor >> hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed >> out, >> fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if >> he's >> going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot >> chili? >> Judge # 3 - No Report >> >> Regards, >> >> Alan >> >> >> Please click on: http://www.home.earthlink.net/~alanandsuzanne/ >> <http://www.home.earthlink.net/%7Ealanandsuzanne/>. >> There, you'll find files of my arrangements and performances played on >> the Yamaha Tyros keyboard. I often add files so check back regularly! >> >> The albums in Technics format formerly on my website are still >> available upon request. >> >> -- >> >> >> Nimer M. Jaber >> >> The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to >> which it >> is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. Any >> review, >> retransmission, dissemination or other use of, or taking of any action in >> reliance >> upon this information by persons or entities other than the intended >> recipient is >> prohibited. 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