<USS Avalon> log part 2

Part 2 of Past Patterns
by. Ensign Caine Reilly McKinsley and Lt. Commander Javan Seirra

CONTINUED...

Javan smirked around the bag, but paid close attention to not get socked, 
"Ready for some real competition?"

?What do you mean by that?? she asked, not yet stopping.

"A little fight with some Cardassian foot soldiers."

This did cause Caine to stop.  She looked up at him, for the first time that 
entire time, actually meeting his eyes.  She pulled her lower lip between her 
teeth and nibbled on it slightly as she thought about whether or not she wanted 
to do that.  ?Umm, sure,? Caine?s voice as low and she nodded slowly as she 
spoke.

"Let's do this then."  Javan pulled off his sleeveless shirt and tossed it onto 
the bench against her crumpled up sweatshirt.  "Ten?  Five each?  No, too much 
too fast.  Six - three each.  Computer, change program to Cardassian Obsidian 
One.  Difficulty level set to easy with full safety protocols in position."

The environment changed from a dojo to the caves on some nameless planet lost 
in the depths of space with only the rocky soil to mark its name.  Javan and 
Caine stood there, alone, in the darkened caves until two trios of Cardassian 
soldiers emerged from either side of the cave.  Javan gave a final nod to Caine 
before rushing at the three to his left and leveled one of them with a 
clothesline before moving on.  

Caine watched Javan for a second before remembering her attackers.  Turning she 
punched the one hard in the gut before landing a solid kick in another?s 
throat.  She had always loved that fact that she was naturally flexible, but 
then again so did the Baron.  Caine landed another hard punch one of the 
attackers at that thought.

Dropping the one with the clothesline was icing on the cake.  The other two 
needed a good stern talking to.  After smashing one of their heads against the 
wall and hearing the sickening crunch - with a certain degree of satisfaction 
he might have added - he turned on his final victim.  Moving quickly he leaped 
off a rock and crisscrossed his head in a scissors kick before falling to the 
ground.  Javan got up and tried to dust himself off, but the sweat and dirt had 
coated his chest.  He turned and watched Caine continue.

Caine was alternating between kicking and punching, as she continued to fight 
the Cardassians.  She probably could have finished them off by now, but she 
really felt she needed the work out.  Finally, she got a good punch in the side 
of one, which then fell to the floor.  The other one grabbed Caine from behind, 
her panic level began to rise, as it was the same hold the Baron would put on 
her sometimes right before a bad punishment.  Caine tried to swallow the panic 
down, but she just couldn?t seem to.  Her fighting was going down hill, as she 
slowly progressed into her old self, the self that could not take care of 
herself. 

"Damn it," Javan muttered as he stepped up behind the Cardassian and instituted 
a sleeper hold that quickly brought the towering warrior to his knees 
unconscious.  "Well, that was a bit intense, wouldn't you say?"  Javan tried to 
brush as much dirt off of himself as he could.

Caine blushed furiously, ?umm, yeah, a bit.?  She said in a soft voice, trying 
to calm her racing heart and stop the panic.  ?I?m sorry, I didn?t mean for 
that to happen, for you to have to take care of him for me.  I truly am sorry.? 
 Caine brushed some dirt off her own clothes, trying to avoid Javan?s eyes.

"Caine," Javan tilted her chin up, "it's OK to ask for help on occasion.  
There's no shame in it.  And, I would've expected you to do the same if the 
tables were turned.  I don't know what it is that is keeping you from opening 
up, but I don't like it.  I'll handle myself as long as you handle yourself."  
He kissed her on the lips and went over to his shirt as he wiped the last 
remnants of Earth from his bare chest.

Her lips tingled slightly from the small kiss and she watched him walk over to 
his shirt.  Following him over, she put her hand on his arm.  Her eyes were 
still lowered so she didn?t know if he was looking at her or not, ?Javan, I 
have to know how you really feel about me before I can tell you everything.  I 
can?t handle being just another woman, that?s not me.  I need to be know that 
if I pour my heart out to you, your not going to just take it and walk away.?  
Caine finished her little speech, but still could not lot into Javan?s eyes to 
know his reaction, instead she leaned down to get her sweater.

Pulling the shirt over his head he sighed heavily.  He wasn't expecting - nor 
wanted to deal with - the talk about true feelings and hanging it all out on 
the line.  That just wasn't him.  Javan pulled her towards him and hugged her 
staring down into her eyes.  He kissed her and opened his mouth to speak, but 
stopped.  "I care for you.  More than I have for anyone else in a long, long 
time.  I don't know exactly what you want to hear.  If you're asking will I 
hold on?  Yes, I'll never let go."

Caine pulled out of his hug.  ?You don?t understand what I?m asking and that?s 
the problem.?  She turned away from him and put on her sweater, zipping it up.

Javan just shook his head and walked out of the holodeck.

Caine again glanced at the time and saw she was running out of time for a 
shower before her next appointment.

Walking down the corridor, she knew she must look a mess, sweaty and not in 
very professional clothing, but Caine was trying to teach herself not to care 
what others thought of her.  She had always tried to steal herself against the 
whispers she had heard behind her back all the time.  Whispers about the women 
her betrothed was sleeping around with, the fact that he treated his horses 
better then her, the rumors that she herself was opening her legs for any man 
who asked her to.  That was the one that hurt the most, she had never 
encouraged men to take her, and the Baron was the one who told his friends what 
fun she was and set it up so that she was alone with them.  Hate flared as she 
remembered hearing the Baron brag about what he did to her to all his friends 
and encouraging them to do it to her as well.

Caine got to her room and immediately started her sonic shower.  It felt good 
to get clean after sweating so much, not that she minded a good healthy sweat, 
it?s just it didn?t feel good to walk around like that for a long period of 
time.  As she felt herself get completely clean, she imagined that the same 
thing was happening to her insides-that she was rid of the Baron forever and 
his memory would finally leave.  Of course this wasn?t true, it probably never 
would be.  

She began to think about her treatment of Javan as she dressed in her uniform 
for the second time that day.  It was unfair of her to associate the traits of 
her ex-betrothed to him, but it was so hard not to, not after that dream that 
had seemed so real.  Caine began the trek back to her office, hoping to not 
show up late, that would look bad.  

The turbo lift seemed to be taking longer then normal and Caine couldn?t help 
it but her mind went back to Javan.  She probably owed him an apology for 
associating the Baron with him and she probably owed him an explanation, but 
she could not bring herself to do it, not after his reaction to her request, he 
just hadn?t understood.  

Walking into her office she noticed that she still had a few minutes before her 
next appointment came in.  Sitting down behind her desk, she wondered of what 
she should do.  She could see herself falling into her old patterns, the way 
she had acted and the things she had done while still engaged.  Putting her 
elbows on the desk and resting her head in her hands, she was trying her 
hardest not to fall back, but it was so hard, she needed something stable or 
someone stable in her life that she could rely on, that would help her through 
this.  She wanted her dog, Mika, but that wasn?t possible, not here, Mika was 
just too large for her quarters.  

Caine heard the waiting room doors open and lifted her head.  She stood and 
straightened her uniform and went to meet her next appointment, glad for the 
distraction from her own thoughts.


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