<USS Avalon> "True Confessions"

"True  Confessions"
Skyler and  Tavi
 
Having  reported in to Keith, and gone to sickbay to check on the new OPS 
officer,  Skyler decided it was time to go and check on her new roommate. She 
wasn't quite  sure what to call Tavi yet. She wasn't really her daughter and 
doubted it she  would even want to be. Companion sounded to.....adult like. 
Maybe 
she would ask  Tavi and she what she thought. 

Tavi was exploring the tutorials available on the  computer-desk in her room. 
 There was so much!  She found quickly that  the computer adjusted the 
reading to be easier for her -- but it also adjusted  the math to be harder, 
once 
she started playing with the program.  All this  stuff was important if she 
wanted to become an engineer, the computer told her  so.  She didn't know any 
of 
the answers to the history or government  questions in the Federation Studies 
module, but by golly, if she needed to know  them, she was determined to learn 
them.  She barely heard the outer door  open, but she could feel when Skyler 
was standing there watching  her.


Smiling Skyler watched as Tavi concentrated on the programs in the  computer. 
She hadn't expected her to start working on them so fast, but then she  was 
determined. "So how are you doing with the programs Tavi? Learn anything  
interesting yet?"  


"I don't know very much, do I?" Tavi asked in obvious frustration,  turning 
to look at Skyler.  "I did a bunch of math before it got harder,  though."

Putting her hand on Tavi's shoulder she gave it a light squeeze.  "Hey, you 
did more than you thought you could. I am proud of you. You are trying  and 
that is what counts. It wasn't easy for me when I first started learning all  
this stuff. Feel like taking a break with me before I have to go back to the  
bridge?"  


Tavi nodded.  "I'm going to learn everything," she said  as she left her 
seat, a fierce note in her voice.  "I'm not  stupid."

"No one is calling you stupid. I think you are very smart. You  managed to 
hide from everyone on the Avalon and tried to save the engineer. I  don't know 
many people that could do that at your age. Have you eaten yet? I  know I am 
starved." Walking toward the replicator Skyler thought to herself that  Tavi 
was 
going to make a good academy student when the time came. She was one  
determined little girl that was for sure.  


"Sometimes the big kids used to call me stupid," Tavi confessed as  she 
joined Skyler at the replicator.  "But maybe they were just calling  names," 
she 
offered, her big dark eyes gazing at the woman for  affirmation.


"I think that is exactly what they were doing. Just calling names  trying to 
make you feel bad and themselves feel bigger and better. You do know  that 
calling names is not the right thing to do? It is a bad thing." Skyler  punched 
in some codes and waited as the replicator delivered a meal of meatloaf,  
potatoes, carrots and milk. Taking the tray, she crossed the room to the table  
and 
set the two meals on the table. She waited for Tavi to sit down before she  
sat down. "I know it's not much, but when I get back from duty we can program 
in your favorites if you  like?"  


"This is nice," Tavi said, a little surprised.  It might not be  much to 
Skyler, but it was more than she, Tavi, had ever had available to her at  one 
time.  Even when she'd been hiding on the former Avalon, her meals had  
consisted 
mainly of sandwiches and snack-type foods that she could cajole out of  the 
replicator's without having to produce identification.  She definitely  wasn't 
picky about what she ate.


Smiling Skyler replied, "I'm glad you like it. Like I said we can  program it 
later for whatever you would like. That way you can get whatever you  want 
whenever you want. Taking a sip of her drink Skyler looked at Tavi. "I have a 
question  for you Tavi and I want you to think about it before answering. If 
you 
could go  anywhere on the ship where would you like to go?" She was curious 
to hear the  girls answer. She knew engineering would be on the list, but she 
wondered what  else would there would be.  


"Only one place?" Tavi asked for clarification before savoring a big  bite of 
mashed potato.


"No you can choose more than one place. I have a feeling engineering  is one 
place you would like to be able to go, but where else would you like to  be 
able to go while I am working?"  


"To the library place," Tavi answered promptly, although she knew  she could 
probably get most things routed directly to her own desk, if she  asked.  It 
was the adventure of exploring the library catalog, right there,  that was 
exciting.  And besides, she wanted to get to know the librarians,  after 
watching 
them for so many weeks.


"That's it? Engineering and the library? You don't want to go  anywhere else? 
Like maybe the holodeck, or the gym?"  


"Maybe..."  Tavi grinned, and tried not to giggle, then asked  seriously, 
"Can the holodeck teach me how to do that thing where it looks like a  dance 
only 
you can hit people and keep them from hurting you?  Or do you  need a real 
person to teach that?"
Chuckling  Skyler looked at Tavi. "I think we can program the holodeck so 
that it can teach  you and we will make sure to put the safeties on so you 
don't 
get hurt or hurt  the teacher. Better yet if you want I can talk to one of the 
marines on board  and see if they can teach you. Would you like that?" She 
took another bite of  her dinner and chased it down with some milk, even though 
she would rather have  a soda. 


The little girl nodded, having taken a bite and not wanting to talk  with her 
mouth full.  She knew it wasn't polite -- and, besides, it was  hard to speak 
clearly with food in your mouth.  After she had chewed and  swallowed, she 
said, "Then nobody could ever touch me unless I wanted them  to."


"Yup. That's right.  I will talk to the Captain of the Marines  and see about 
setting you up with some self-defense classes. So right now you  want to go 
to engineering, the holodeck, the library and of course sickbay if  you need 
to. If you ever feel sick or need something you call me on your comm  badge. 
Understand? Now where else would you like to go?"  


"Could I just... walk around and see stuff, and find out?" Tavi  asked.  She 
didn't know what places would be completely off-limits, but  maybe if she went 
around and learned about the ship, people would tell her where  she wasn't 
allowed to go.

"Well, I suppose you could do that as long as you  don't bother anyone who is 
working. Also if they don't mind showing you around  that is okay. I don't 
want you down in the weapons area, the shuttlebays unless  I am with you. I 
don't want you going anywhere you might get hurt. One day soon  I will take you 
to 
the secondary bridge and let you sit in the big chair. When  you go to 
engineering you only go where the chief will let you. No going near  the warp 
matrix 
or anything like that. I will talk to Lt.  K'etrall about  you going to 
engineering. Anything else you want to do or talk about while we  are sitting 
here?"  


There were things Tavi wanted to talk about, things she needed  Skyler to 
understand.  But they were hard things to talk about.   Things about needing to 
feel safe, needing to know that no one was going to hurt  her.  She was 
beginning to believe Skyler's promise, that she would be  cared for and looked 
after, 
and never abandoned.  Now she needed to know  that no one else on board would 
try to do any of those things that Tavi had  worked so hard to avoid having 
done to her.  But it was very hard to put  this into words.  She chewed 
thoughtfully on a bite of food and slowly  drank some milk to wash it down.  
Skyler 
was a telepath; surely she could  sense that there was something...
As  she watched Tavi something was nagging at her senses. Something was still 
 bothering Tavi. Getting up from the table she walked over to the couch and 
sat  down. "Tavi, why don't you come over here for a moment." There has to be a 
 way to get her to tell me...to trust me when I say that no one is going to 
hurt  her in anyway. Because if they do, they will have to answer to me!! 


Slowly, Tavi walked across the room to join Skyler on the  couch.  A sharp 
spike of emotion stabbed at her, and she flinched a little  as she sat down.  
Had she said something wrong?  No, she hadn't said  anything.  What was wrong, 
then?  What had she done?

Skyler put her  arm around Tavi and pulled her close. "You know that I am not 
going to let  anyone hurt you in anyway don't you? I get the feeling that 
there is something  you want to talk about but it isn't easy for you and that 
is 
okay. When you are  ready to tell me what is bothering you I will be here. You 
are never going to  have to go through what you have already been through 
ever again. If anyone so  much as tries to hurt you they will have to answer to 
me. We are a family. You  and me. We stick up for  each  other. We are also 
there when we need to talk. So if there is anything you want  to talk about I 
am 
here to listen." Skyler couldn't imagine her life without  Tavi in it anymore. 
 

"I wanted to say why I left the gang," Tavi said in a near whisper,  with 
many hesitations.

"If you want to tell me I will sit here and listen as long as it  takes. I 
have a feeling it's not easy for you to talk about and that is okay. I'm not 
going anywhere." 

The child  nodded.  "Partly I left because I didn't like the way they made 
the rules,"  she said, for she'd told Skyler that before, and it was true.  
"But 
 partly... because I didn't think," she hesitated again, then blurted out, "I 
 didn't think the little girls should have to do what the big girls  did."

Tavi looked away,  ashamed.  Maybe she shouldn't have said anything, at least 
not yet.   She hadn't let the big boys do that to her, mostly because her 
best  friend Kessy said it hurt, and Tavi didn't want them to hurt her.  Maybe  
she was a theek, like some of the kids said.  A coward, her mind  translated to 
a word Skyler would understand.  "I was scared," she  mumbled.  "I was too 
little.  I'm still little for my age, don't you  think so?"



Skyler pulled Tavi closer and hugged her. "Yes Tavi you were and are  still 
too little. You are no coward. You are brave for standing up for what you  
believed in. You don't have to worry about that anymore. No one  and I mean no 
one 
is going to try to do anything like that to  you again. They were wrong for 
trying. I am proud of you Tavi." Holding her  tight, she leaned down and kissed 
the top of Tavi's head. How could anyone  think of doing anything like that 
to a little girl!!  


"That's why I want to learn that dance thing," Tavi explained  earnestly.  
"Because then I could stop anybody who wanted to do anything to  me that I 
don't 
want to do."

"We are going to make sure you learn that dance. That will be the  first 
thing we do. You are going to be so good at that dance that no one will  even 
think of coming near you." Skyler was debating on if she should tell Tavi  
about 
her lifestyle, not that it was going anywhere at the moment. "Is there  
anything else you want to tell me?'"  


"No..."  Tavi shook her head thoughtfully, snuggling a  little.  It felt good 
to cuddle up to a grownup.  To someone who would  protect her and help her 
learn to protect herself.  "But if I think of  anything, I will tell you when I 
think of it," she added.

"That's good. I want you to feel like you  can tell me anything. I suppose I 
should do the same with you. I have something  I need to tell you and I hope 
it won't make you dislike me or anything like  that. I have to be honest I am a 
little scared to tell you. You mean a lot to me  and I don't want to lose 
your trust in me."  


The little girl couldn't imagine why Skyler would be scared to tell  her 
something.  She waited, holding herself very still, hoping it  wasn't that she 
would have to go away, or that Skyler was going to leave  her.

Taking a deep breath, something she seemed to be  doing a lot of during this 
conversation. "I just want you to know something  about me, and you have been 
so honest I think it is my turn. You know what the  big girls did with the 
boys, well I don't like being with boys in that way. I  prefer to be with 
another 
woman. What that means is that I am gay. Someday I  hope to find a woman who 
will want to spend their life with me. They would have  to accept you as a 
part of my life because you come first. Is that going to bother you? Me  
sleeping 
with another woman?" 


Is that all?  Tavi almost laughed out loud, but stopped  herself.  This was 
very serious, Skyler thought she might be upset about  it.  "I knew that 
already," she said.  "When I saw how you looked at  Moreya.  You said she was 
your 
friend, but you looked at her like  more."  She paused.  "But you can still be 
friends even if you're not  that kind of friends any more?"


"You already knew you little stinker. Yes Moreya is a good friend  but not in 
that way. I love her and I am pretty sure she has feelings for me but  not in 
that way. If you only knew Moreya. The three of us could make a  wonderful 
family. I have friends who are not like me and it is okay. How  could you tell 
about Moreya? I haven't even told her how I feel about her.  Sometimes the 
friendship is more important than anything else. I just wanted you  to know. 
Now I 
have one last question for you and I want you to think about it  before you 
answer it. How would you feel if I were to talk to  the Admiral about  adopting 
you? We would be a permanent family that no one could take apart."  


Tavi answered the first question first, since she was supposed to  think 
about the second question before answering.  "Sometimes I get  feelings about 
things," she said softly.  "More about things than  about people, usually.  
Except 
when I'm in danger, and then I can always  tell whether it's things or 
people, it doesn't matter.  I can tell.   And I could tell how you look at 
Moreya, 
that you have a -- a way that your  heart beats for her.  Not like you want to 
get silly about it.  But  like she's really special and you want her in your 
family, kind of."  She  looked up.  "And you want me in your family too.  For  
real."  She said it as if she had trouble accepting the  idea.

"Yes, I want you in my family for real. In a way Moreya is in my  family, but 
you would be in my family forever. We would have each other. I don't  know if 
you even want me as your mother or whatever it is you want to call me,  but I 
do know I want you in my life. In my family." Skyler looked at the girl  and 
smiled as she hugged her tighter.  


"My mama wasn't a grownup, really," said Tavi.  "She was just  one of the big 
kids.  And she went away when I was five.  She said,  'You're five now, and 
you don't need me any more.'  And she left the gang,  and I never saw her 
again."

Shaking her head Skyler couldn't believe that someone would actually  think a 
five year old didn't need anyone. "You do know that I am not going  anywhere 
right? You are stuck with me if that is what you want. If you want the  two of 
 us to be a family that no one can take apart I will talk to Admiral  Ketchum 
about it."  


Tavi nodded.  She was filled up with unfamiliar emotions and  didn't quite 
trust herself to speak.

"Good. I will have a talk with him as soon as  possible. In the meantime we  
can still be a family. If we are going to be  a family we need a name. Got any 
good ones?" Skyler pulled Tavi closer and  started to tickle the girl. It 
felt good to hear her laugh after all she had  been through.  

She didn't know what  Skyler meant about names.  But she would figure that 
out later.  For  now, Tavi just squirmed and  giggled.

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