<USS Avalon> The Road of Doubt...by Junior Lieutenant Alder Shimbrodus

On The Road Of Doubt, Worry, and Infatuation

by Junior Lieutenant Alder Shimbrodus

He sat there in his quarters. The room was dark, and no command was given to 
make it lighter. Shadows moved about in a snail like pace giving a small light 
from the dark; a nice effect that hid his face. For now, he preferred this 
setting having no intention to set it off. He sat there on the one-seater 
couch, his right hand supporting his chin as he relaxed himself against the 
soft padding of the furniture. Yet he was anything but relaxed, he was nervous, 
he felt a tingly sensation that ran across his arms to his chest and then 
return again. He could?ve sworn it was the air conditioning, but realized that 
it wasn?t since he couldn?t hear the familiar hush-hush of the air from the 
environmental system. It was just him. He looked out the window of his room, 
and stretched out his legs. His mind rambled on about thoughts and 
possibilities too fast for him to make it into a coherent substance in order to 
concentrate. And he knew why.

Alder liked him. Plain and simple.

He closed his eyes as his head went upward as if to reach for something to give 
him his answers. What answers he didn?t know himself. It was confusing, it was 
at the same time so clear. Returning his gaze outside of the window, he felt 
tired. Tired of being up all day working, tired of contemplating, tired of 
worrying. But this one person kept him thinking. This one person clouded his 
thoughts but made is picture clear. He nearly laughed at himself, and thank the 
heavens that no one was lingering in his quarters for they just might mistake 
him for a senile. 

The card game was a great. He hosted it with invitations going out to six 
people. Him included. Out of the six, one had missed. Greg had some assignments 
he couldn?t miss and so they went on. It wouldn?t be the last time. He 
remembered as he looked across that he was distracted by him. And all he was 
doing was sitting there, fidgeting a little in his seat as he had to get along 
with three new people he never knew of- Sarah and Alder was all he knew. It 
made Alder smile as he saw this, and he immediately drew that back; making sure 
no one would see. Oh, they knew his secret- they didn?t mind; but it didn?t 
mean that he was going to flaunt his emotions out openly. Alder smirked, in 
some ways he was just as closeted about his emotions as he was about telling 
the truth about himself. 

Shaking his head he tried to dismiss some other invading thoughts. He didn?t 
like this; he wasn?t much for thinking or sitting down and contemplating. He 
understood physical attraction, but this wasn?t it. This appealed to him that 
went further than physicality. Alder turned his head as though he heard 
something, there was nothing. He simply moved.

To him he was more then just some guy to befriend. He was a challenge, he had a 
very closed background that he wanted to know more of. He was quiet, and the 
most endearing thing he thought was he fidgeted around new people. It was 
almost too funny. His efforts to bring Anthony into the limelight of social 
callings would soon fade out, and he would begin trying to wiggle his way out 
of other settings. Or at least that what he thought, for all he knew, Anthony 
wouldn?t do that at all- but it wouldn?t surprise him. It surprised him that he 
was determined to get Anthony around with his other friends. Normally, he?d 
leave people like that- the anti social- alone. Maybe it was just a change in 
decisions. Looking at it too hard wouldn?t do him any good; for there really 
wasn?t anything to look at in the lines of friendship and how he went about it 
getting them to feel comfortable.

Quietness. That was something he never knew he?d grow to like. Being surrounded 
by noises, by busy work, anything but quietness- he was accustomed to. 
Quietness intrigued him. He had to admit that he had always had in mind of 
someone that was outgoing and like him, social, to be around with. Someone 
active. Anthony was anything but that. Inactivity seemed nice. And peaceful. 
Maybe that?s what he was looking for. But he was unsure. Everything felt like 
it was out of order.

Questions loomed in his head. Questions he asked himself repeatedly, half 
convinced that he could get the answer he needed if he contemplated it more. 
One stood out of the many. How was he going to tell? He wanted to, if anything 
to get this out of the way. He didn?t need to get his mind wrapped around what 
he couldn?t get, life had to go on. And the hardest thing right now was to come 
up with a way to tell him. Is he even like that? Would he understand? The next 
two questions that came into his mind.

He like him. God help him, he liked him. Part of him hated the fact that he 
did, no; not hate, just angry. Anthony wasn?t some simple obstacle to go 
through and toss aside, he was a strength in his own way. Something reserved. 
And telling him would be difficult. In fact, impossible. He rubbed his eyes, 
stretching some more. On the other side, the picture of them together looked 
interesting. It was very much a possibility. But he didn?t know. 

He sat there, and looked out into space, hoping for an answer. Any answer.



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