<USS Avalon> The First Log (sent) by Christopher J. Rimmer

 
ARCTURUS 
The Long Arm of the Law 

Based  on STAR TREK 
Created  by 
Gene  Roddenberry 

And on a Story &  Characters

Created  By 
Grant  Naylor 
Introduction

The spaceship Arcturus cruises the vastness of space alone; her  crew of over 
eleven hundred is dead, killed by a radiation leak from the fusion  reactors. 
The radiation field in conjunction with the stricken shipâs warp field  
causes the ship to pass through a temporal vortex, emerging three million years 
 
into the future. 
Aboard the Saturn Mining Corporation ship Arcturus, some three million  years 
into the deepest reaches of space. Aboard her are Craig Lister, the last  
known living human, Christopher Rimmer, a hologramatic recreation of Listerâs 
 
bunkmate, and Tigerhawk, a humanoid descended from the shipâs cat. I am 
Holly,  
the primary computer of the Arcturus and I have an I. Q. of 6000, the same IQ 
as  6000 physical education majors.   

1 

Lister was sick. Everyone could see that was a fact. His  head was swollen so 
much that he now resembled a rectangular Jack âO Lantern.  Right now, he was 
seated on a diagnostic bed in the sickbay of the mining ship  Arcturus, some 
three million years away from Earth and a really good curry. The  mechanoid 
Coleman arrived, wheeling in a breakfast  trolley. 
âGood morning, Mister Lister, sir,â the android said pleasantly. âAnd how 
 
are you feeling this morning?â 
âOh,â Lister replied weakly. âMuch better, thanks,  man.â 
âWell,â the droid began. You certainly look better. I canât believe how  
much the swelling has gone down overnight.â 
âYou recon?â 
âOh, most definitely, sir,â Coleman replied enthusiastically. âWhy, your  
head was almost interfering with the ceiling fan yesterday. Iâd say that 
youâre 
 nearly back to being your old self again. In fact, you can hardly tell youâ
ve  got Klingon mumps at all!â 
âCan I have a mirror,â Lister asked. 
The android produced a set of large brake calipers and measured Listerâs  
head accurately. âOh, I donât think youâre ready for a mirror just yet, 
sir.  Let
âs take it slowly, shall we?  
âWhat did I tell you? The swelling has gone down over twenty centimeters  
since last night. Youâll be up and around in no  time!â 
âI donât know what I would have done without you, Coleman,â Lister  
confessed. âYouâve been like the android version of Mother Teresa. Did you 
bring  me 
breakfast?â 
âYes, sir,â Coleman replied as he wheeled the trolley in front of Lister.  
â
Just as you requested: Hot beer with croutons.â 
Lister scooped a spoonful of the mixture and his face contorted to an  
expression of bliss as he savored the taste. âYouâre the best, Coleman, and 
 where 
are the others? How often have they dropped by with a word of comfort or a  
bunch of grapes or flowers or something?â 
âItâs just not been possible, sir,â Coleman replied as he tidied up. âI 
 
havenât heard from mister Tigerhawk and mister Rimmer has been on  
holiday.â 
âReally?â Lister replied with an arch of a bushy eyebrow. âSo where did  
Captain Charisma go?â 
âHeâs been on a touring holiday on the diesel engine decks with two of  the 
maintenance droids, the skutters,â the android replied. âA ten-day  
extravaganza of the shipâs internal combustion engine storage rooms. He said  
heâs 
stop by and show you the slides.â 
Lister stopped in mid spoonful and his face took on a worried look. âHe  
didnâ
t, did he?â 
âYes, sir,â the droid replied not understanding the humanâs concern.  
âHeâs 
been loading the projector carousels for the last twenty-six hours now,  sir.â
 
âOh my god!â Lister moaned. âThat could really finish me off! And where  
the 
smeg is âHawk, how come he hasnât been by?â 
âWell,â Coleman confessed. âHeâs been rather busy since we found the  
stasis pod.â His face grimaced as he realized that he let the secret  out. 
âWhat stasis pod?â Lister demanded. 
âOh, spin my hex nuts and call me Frank!â the android cursed himself. âI  
wasnât supposed to let that slip!â 
âWell,â Lister began. âYou did, so âfess  up!â 
âWe found a stasis pod drifting in space a few days ago,â Coleman began.  
â
So we put a tractor beam on it and pulled it in to Hangar  13.â 
âSo whoâs in it?â 
âUnknown, sir,â Coleman replied. âBut all signs show that she is in a  
suitable state for revivification.â 
âShe?â 
âYes, sir. As far as we can tell sheâs a  she.â 
Lister tipped the bowl to his mouth and quickly and noisily gulped down  the 
rest of his âsoupâ. Then he rose from the bed and began to put on his  
leather cap and jacket. 
âWhat are you doing, mister Lister, sir?â 
âThereâs a woman aboard, Coleman,â Lister replied. âIâm on the  
pull!â 

The skutters, the droids that looked like miniature giraffes with a  
three-clawed head/grip had tugged the stasis pod into a quarantine room so that 
 any 
contamination that the podâs exterior may have had could be safely  
eradicated. 
Lister ran his hand over the podâs worn exterior and read the  nameplate. 
â âMaria Carapinaâ. What a beautiful name,â Lister said. He didnât 
see or  
hear Tigerhawk â wearing a red silk smoking jacket and black silk trousers 
â  
enter the room. 
âThis is awful,â Lister moaned. âThe first woman weâve seen and I look  
like something that belongs up the Sphinxâs nose! Maybe I could wear a turban 
 
and pretend Iâm from India.â 
âWhy donât you stick a spike in the top of your head and pretend youâre  
the 
TajMahal?â Tigerhawk suggested.  
âThanks a lot, man,â Lister replied sarcastically. âThanks for visiting  
me 
when I was at Deathâs door.â 
âHave you seen yourself?â Tigerhawk countered. âItâs disgusting!  You 
could 
go on a double date with the Elephant Man and he would be the good  looking 
one!â 
Lister examined the pod and noticed something. âHow come the  revivification 
process hasnât been started?â 
âI thought Rimmer did it,â Tigerhawk replied. He pressed a few buttons on  
the keypad on the side of the pod and a display lit up that read, â24 hours, 
59 
 minutes, 59 seconds until revivification.â The timer started to count  down. 
âSo who is she?â Lister asked. âWhere does she come  from?â 
âWho cares?â Tigerhawk replied as he caressed the pod. âAt last, a  
date!â 
âSo who says sheâs going to be interested in you?â Lister  asked. 
âOh, I see what you mean,â Tigerhawk replied after a few seconds  
meditation. âAll those years alone in deep space might have driven her  
insane!â 
âNo,â Lister continued. âI mean what if sheâs a normal, ordinary woman  
who 
wouldnât go for your type of guy?â 
âThatâs impossible,â Tigerhawk replied. âI would have heard about her 
in  
Ripleyâs Believe It Or Not!â 
âWhat if she prefers someone else?â Lister  pressed. 
âLike who?â 
âLike me, for instance.â 
Tigerhawk smiled in pity for his sad, deluded  friend. 
âBuddy,â he began gently. âYouâve got a head that looks like a mutated  
watermelon. What are you going to do: Paint it orange with black stripes and  
tell her you played for the Bengals?â 
âI just think youâre a little cocky for a guy whoâs never actually met a  
real woman before,â Lister said. 
âBuddy,â Tigerhawk replied. âIâve seen mirrors, I know what I look 
like.  I 
have a body that makes men wet! Have you ever heard of an animal called the  
Iranian jerd? It can do 150 pelvic thrusts per  minute.â 
âSo?â 
âSo, thatâs me in slow-motion!â 
Rimmer entered the room followed by Coleman. 
âListy!â Rimmer called out jovially. âShouldnât you be in the fridge 
with  
the rest of the cantaloupes?â He then noticed the timer on the pod silently  
counting itself down. âWho started the R.P.?â 
âI did,â Tigerhawk replied defiantly. âSheâs in there, so letâs get 
her  
out. Whatâs the problem anyway?â 
âThe problem, Sky-Kitty,â Rimmer began. âIs that this stasis pod was  
ejected from a prison ship that suffered a jail break. There was a pitched  
battle 
and in the end only two survivors: Either a berserk android or the named  miss 
Carapina. 
âBut you would have known all this if you had familiarized yourself with  the 
black box flight recorder.â 
âOkay, âLister began. âIf itâs not Maria in there, then who is  it?â 
âOne of the prisoners,â Rimmer answered. âAnd since this ship was  
carrying 
over forty mass-murdering psychotic, super strong androids, we thought  it 
prudent to find out who the hell is in there before we attempt to open  it!â 
âWith all due respect, mister Rimmer, sir,â Coleman began. âBut they are  
cyborgs, not androids.â 
âWhatâs the difference?â Rimmer asked. 
âWell, the biggest difference is that an android would not rip off your  head 
and spit down your neck,â Coleman replied. 
âHolly,â Lister began, calling for the shipâs computer. âCan we stop 
the  
revivification process?â 
âNope,â the computer replied. âItâs a one-way  process.â 
âCan you scan the inside of the pod so we can figure out whoâs in it?â  
Rimmer asked. 
âNo,â Holly replied. âI can scan it only enough to tell that there is  
someone inside it, but the pod is shielded to protect it from stellar 
radiation,  
so I canât actually penetrate it with the sensors.â 
âWell there must be something we can do!â Lister  said. 
âThere is,â the computer agreed. âAll we have to do is wait until the RP  
is 
completed. Then, if you find all your limbs scattered all over the ship and  
your neck filled with cyber-saliva, then you can probably safely assume that  
itâs not Maria.â 
âWhy donât we grab ourselves some phaser rifles,â Tigerhawk suggested.  
â
That way, if it is one of these bad-assed killer cyborgs dudes, we can blast  
him into oblivion!â 
âSir,â Coleman replied. âThese type of combat cyborgs are heavily  
armored. 
They could easily withstand phaser fire at close range, at least long  enough 
to make balloon animals out of your  intestines.â 
âWell,â Rimmer began. âLooks like thereâs no choice then. We have to  
blast 
it back into space.â 
âSay its not a cyborgs,â Lister protested. âYou canât just shoot an  
innocent woman into space, especially since weâve already activated the pod. 
If  it 
is Maria, sheâll wake up in the vacuum of space. Sheâll  die!â 
âWhat a dilemma!â Tigerhawk said. âInside this pod is either a date or  
certain death. Either way, Iâm willing to take a  chance!â 
âMeanwhile,â Rimmer began. âThe RP is continuing and we still have no  
ideas 
as to what to do!â 
âI have an idea,â Holly replied. âThe black box contains the coordinates  
of 
the prison colony their ship was heading to. They must have facilities that  
could handle the cyborgs, if it is one. If it is Carapina, then we release 
her,  and if its not, we can throw the cyborgs into a holding cell and leave it 
to  rot.â 
âGood idea, Hol,â Lister replied. âSet a course at best  speed!â 
âYou are all assuming,â Rimmer said. âThat the colony is still there and  
functional.â 
âThere is an old android saying,â Coleman began. âThat says, âIf you  
execute a go sub, youâll never get a subroutine.ââ 
âWe have a human saying,â Lister replied. â âNothing ventured, nothing  
gained.ââ 
âI think the android version has more panache, sir,â Coleman  replied.

Other related posts: