<USS Avalon> "Second Chance?"

Second Chance?
By Lieutenant Commander Elissabeth Marksbury
and Lieutenant First Class James Monroe



Lips ever so lightly brushed against her forehead. "Tel?" she mumbled.

"Tell what?" James asked quietly from the doorway to her bedroom as he was 
leaving.

"Aah!" Elissabeth cried out, sitting straight up in bed, shaking involuntarily. 
None of the surroundings were familiar. Eyes darted back and forth. She didn?t 
know where she was and how she got there. Tears sprang to her eyes in the 
disorientation.

James hadn?t meant to frighten her, but it was obvious she was shaken. She was 
confused, drawing her hand to her mouth in attempts to bite back the tears 
streaming down her face. "Hey, Liss, it?s just me. I wasn?t trying to scare 
you."

Her head swam with the fog of her deep sleep. She was lost. 

James moved back over to the bed and tentatively reached out to touch her 
shoulder and it was as though she didn?t know he was there. He?d never seen her 
like this before. "Liss, look at me," he ordered her, a bit worried. She 
should?ve regained her senses by now. He sat next to her and gently turned her 
cheek so she was focusing on him. "Liss?"

Comprehension began to form in her eyes. "James?"

He quickly moved his hand from her face. "Yeah. I?m sorry I scared you. I was 
worried."

"What are you doing here?" She shook her head lightly to clear it. "How did you 
get in here? These are my new quarters, right?"

"Yes, your new quarters. I got in here because I over-rode the lock on the door 
and I?m here because I was really worried about you. I mean... at first I 
thought to just stop by casually, checking to make sure you didn?t need 
anything, but you didn?t answer the chime. I tried twice and then waited about 
an hour. Came back and still no answer." He looked down and swallowed. "After 
the third hour, I came in to find you. You never sleep that deeply, to not hear 
the chime. I?m sorry, I?ll go."

She reached out and laid her hand on his arm to stop him. "It?s okay."

The feeling of her fingertips on his skin made him shiver. "It is?"

She nodded. "Last thing I remember is sitting on the sofa, though. I never even 
came into this room." The words fell softly from her mouth, feeling the awkward 
familiarity with him.

"That?s where I found you... I... Well," he shrugged and sighed. "I did what I 
always did before. I carried you here, tucked you in. You were still sitting up 
on the couch, Liss. I?m sorry. I should?ve just... y?know, left you alone."

"James, it?s okay. I was just confused, startled. Those treatments... I?m 
exhausted. I guess that?s why I didn?t hear you." She realised then that she 
still had her hand on his arm. She told herself to move it, but instead of 
moving back to her own lap, Lissi watched her hand move to his, seeking that 
familiar comfort.

"Liss..." He wanted to be there, to take care of her, but didn?t know if this 
was just a moment of weakness that he didn?t want to take advantage of.

"I?m sorry," she said, pulling her hand away and concentrating on them in her 
lap. Warm tear drops splattered on her hand, but she made no move to wipe them 
away, hoping James wouldn?t notice.

That same uncertainty stung again and James had to clench his jaw and try not 
to move over and wipe the tears away from her face. Looking her, as tears 
trailed down her cheek, James made it the only opportunity he thought he'd ever 
have, "I?m sorry I hurt you."

"I know." She still didn't look up, trying not to lose her composure. But he 
knew her so well. Her shoulders shook as she sat there. 

James tried forming his thoughts in order, but found it difficult. Closing his 
eyes didn't help much either. "Do you think... do you think we'd ever get a 
second chance?" 

She wanted to say yes. Wanted to forget about everything, wanted to start over 
once again. He'd done it for her. But there would always be that doubt in the 
back of her mind, wondering if he had orders to spy on her again. Was that what 
he was doing right now? No... he's here because I didn't tell him to leave. "Do 
you think it would ever get any easier?" she finally asked, looking up with 
tear streaked face. 

"When... if... you trust me. I know I don?t have a right to say you should," 
James shook his head, "I was just saying, Liss. I guess it would be harder." 
James glanced around the room, exhaling as he tried to shake off his uneasiness.

"It's so hard, James. Such conflict. I cared about you so much... I care about 
you." Boldly, Lissi reached up to touch his face. "I still enjoy your 
presence... your comfort." 

James gently took her hand and moved it away. He didn't want to, he didn't want 
to at all, he missed that touch so much. But he moved Lissi's hand away slowly. 
"I think we better change the subject," he said softly, trying his best to not 
look at her. 

She smiled weakly. "Probably right. I don't think I'm in any sort of shape to 
be making important decisions anyway. But I do need to talk to you about other 
things. I'm fine with not doing it in my office, but I think I'd rather not 
talk about it in my bed, either." The sad attempt at a joke raised half a smile 
from him as they both got up and moved into the other room. Lissi took a moment 
to wash her face while James got them something to drink.

Settling on the sofa, she assessed him. "You look tired." 

"It's been a sleepless few nights," James said quietly and offered the cup of 
coffee he replicated. 

"Thank you." She motioned for him to sit next to her and he did, though not too 
close, of course. "You want to tell me? Or do I guess, because I think I could 
get pretty damn close." 

James shrugged, "Same things you probably thought of. Especially with Forester. 
Doing the same 'what if' scenarios in my head." 

She stared at him, understanding that all too well. "You weren't there, though, 
James. I know you feel it and I know you feel responsible somehow for the bad 
decisions that I made... but there's something else that I was concerned with. 
You were at Tactical when that Marauder was destroyed..." Lissi just let the 
soft words trail off, gauging his response.

"I did what I was ordered to, Liss. And honestly I don?t regret doing it. The 
Marauders had the upper hand, it doesn?t bug me that I destroyed a ship."

"Good. I just wanted to know, to make sure..." She paused, then asked, "Can I 
be completely honest with you?

"Sure," James replied. 

She closed her eyes briefly. "I just wanted to make sure that you didn't resent 
that extra pip on your collar as much as I do mine."

He frowned, "Why do you hate it? And no, I don?t resent my promotion."

"I didn't say I hated it. I just can't help but make the association with, 
"Congratulations, you killed someone, have another pip."" Lissi shook her head 
gently. "I'm sorry, that's my problem, not yours."

James shook his head, setting the coffee cup down, "You shouldn't take it so 
hard, Liss. You did what you could. You have to stop blaming yourself."

"I know that. Really, I do. I've never been so affected by this before. I don't 
know if it's a combination of us... what happened with Forester... problems 
with Sierra, Anna in sickbay, being this sick and weak, or if I?m just going 
crazy. God, I just feel like my world is falling apart and I have nothing left. 
I've never cried so much in my life." 

"You're stronger than that, Liss. You know all of this cannot be pulled around 
you all at once. Work with it one at a time." 

She nodded, seeming to snap out of her reverie. "So are we okay? I mean, 
working together. You're kinda stuck with me in both departments now. I don't 
want any awkward problems..." 

"You won?t get any," James reassured. He got up, giving the same smile he 
always gave to Liss, "I better get back, the repairs on the weapon systems 
should be complete within the hour and ready for testing." 

She stood and went with him to the door. "Hey," Lissi said, turning him around 
and offering him a friendly hug. It seemed less emotionally troubling somehow, 
now that they'd talked. Really talked. "I wasn't accusing you of giving me 
problems, you know. I just didn't want things to be that uncomfortable 
anymore." She stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself, as she usually 
did when she was trying not to touch him any further. Looking him squarely in 
the eye, she told him, "I really appreciate you, James. And thank you for the 
flowers." 

"You?re welcome," James smiled. His heart nearly skipped a beat, catching 
himself looking at Lissi. James nodded one more time before turning around and 
heading to the bridge. 

Maybe there would be a second chance.


                
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