<USS Avalon> Parting Sorrows - Joint log by Ensigns Sussanna Jameson and Ffej Harak

Parting Sorrowsby Sussanna Jameson and Ffej Harak 


With the victims sedated, Anna felt a little better about concentrating on the 
cure. The Romulan was proving to be a little more than arrogant, but she was 
doing her very best to ignore him. And yet something kept slipping into her 
mind. Something unsolicited, unwanted, unneeded. It came to her like a 
nightmare, insinuating itself in her thoughts, paralysing her with fear. It 
came to her like a lover, its gentle touch seducing her, pulling her away from 
where she was. She slipped to the floor, using the bulkhead to support her 
back. The humming of the forcefield was loud in her ears and she let it 
dominate her mind.

Ffej walked down the corridor towards the turbolift, pausing at one of the wall 
panels. "Computer, Location of Ensign Sussanna Jameson." He waited a few 
seconds as the computer chirped its responce. "Ensign Sussanna Jameson is on 
deck 13, section 42.

He entered the lift and ordered it to take him there. Leaning against the walls 
he rubbed his temples. "Here's your chance John..." He adjusted his uniform as 
the doors opened, stepping out into the hall, he looked left and then right. 
Spotting Anna sitting on the floor against the bulkhead. He could hear the hum 
of the forcefield.

Ffej took a breath and slowly closed the distance, "Excuse me, Anna. Can we 
talk?"

The tricorder slipped from her fingers and crashed onto the floor beside her. A 
man's voice trickled into her thoughts and she looked up. Harak was peering at 
her and she self-consciously stood and straightened her uniform.

"Of course, Ensign Harak, how can I help you?"

Ffej glanced around and motioned to the floor. "We should probably get 
comfortable. I'm not entirely sure how to go about this..." He took a stuttered 
breath and exhailed it slowly. "It's about John."

Slipping back to the ground with a little trepidation, Anna nodded for Ffej to 
continue.

He cleared his throat gently. "You're aware of the link I had formed with him 
to ease the pain of the barb." Sighing, "There was an unexpected side effect."

She raised an eyebrow. "Unexpected... If there is something seriously wrong 
then you need to go to Medical, I'm of no use to you right now, it being that 
I'm on the other side of a forcefield."

Ffej looked her in the eyes, "It's nothing serious, well actualy it's quite 
serious, but I've spoken to Elissabeth about it already..." He closed his eyes 
briefly. As they slowly drew open they seemed to have lost their focus, the 
spark of life that was previously so vivid. "I'm sorry Anna, I didn't want to 
leave you this way..."

"John?" The whisper escaped as a croak. She coughed, frowned and then glared at 
Ffej. "What is this? Don't do this. Don't play with me. Go away. I don't have 
time for vicious practical jokes." A single tear trickled down her cheek but 
she rubbed it away without sentiment. "Get away from me."

He stared straight ahead, seemingly through her. "I cared so much for you. How 
I longed for you to return what I felt. I see now that you did, just in a 
differant way." His hand froze directly over the exact spot the barb had 
pierced John's shoulder at the back. Ffej sat there in silence, unmoving, 
barely a sign of breathing.

He sat there for several seconds, suddenly blinking a few times. His eyes 
darted about taking in all before him. "Ho..." licking his lips, "How long?"

"What is this? I don't understand you? You don't look well, go to Medical." Her 
tone was harsher than it ought to have been but this man had shaken her more 
than she could cope with right at that moment.

Ffej leaned forward resting his head in his hands, assaulted by the intense 
anger, sorrow, and confusion pouring forth from Anna. "I'm sorry Anna, I didn't 
mean to cause you this added pain. When I touched John's mind while he was 
wounded, the nearness of his death. I must have absorbed some of his psyche 
along with certain intense emotions and memories that were tied togeather." He 
slowly started to rise, "Please forgive me. He comes and goes beyond my 
control. The only thing that suppresses him so far is seeking closure..."

"Please, don't go." She looked into his eyes, trying to test his truthfulness. 
"Talk to me about him. Tell me things, anything, everything. I only knew him 
for such a short time, please..."

Easing back down, he tried to smile for her. "It's kind of confusing. I really 
didn't know him all that well, yet because of the link, I'm pretty much an 
expert. He truely loved you. You were the light at the end of his tunnel, try 
as he might he could never close the distance." A tear trickled from his eye 
into the scar across his cheek. "I can sense him in a way, inside me. If you 
weren't quarentined I could share with you what I have of him, here." his hand 
touched his forehead, "and here." Lowering down, he cover his heart.

Anna lifted her finger tips to the field, feeling it crackle along her skin. 
"Can you bring him back? Please?" She just wanted to talk to him one last time. 
Just once.

Taking a slow breath, "I can try, but I've not been able to control his 
surfacing or departing. Maybe if you tried talking to him..." He let his eyes 
drift closed, evening out his breathing. Using a meditative trance to open his 
mind...

"John? No, that's not right..." She dug through what she'd been surpressing all 
day. "Sport? Hey there, mate, how're you doing?" Oh please God work...

Ffej's eyes twitched minutely, his body ridged. His breath slowed to the point 
of non-existant. Slowly his eyes opened with a glazed over quality. He stared 
through her, laying bare her soul to his lifeless gaze. "Anna, my sweet Anna."

"Sport, I'm so sorry." Her own guilt choked her. "You shouldn't have been 
there. It should have been me." Shaking her head, as if to loosen the pain, she 
said, "But you're a damn fool with a hero complex, John Forester. What did you 
have to go and do such a stupid thing like getting killed for?"

The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. "Your the second person that has 
asked for something that shouldn't be. Lt. Marksberry said nearly the same 
thing. Fate has its plans for everyone, my time simply came. I knew what the 
risks were, I thought I was ready. Don't cry for me, angel. I may be gone in 
body, but my spirit lives on in all of the team."

"No." Her voice felt flat in her head. "Gone is gone. Why are you here, John?"

"I... I couldn't cross over without you knowing... Knowing I cared deeply for 
you. From the day I met you I knew you were someone special."

"Special? I let you down. I let everyone down. Everyone I care about. I didn't 
mean to care about you, Sport, I'm sorry for that."

"No, you were there for me. You tried to protect me. Don't blame yourself, Lt 
Marksberry cared too. What happened was meant to happen for a reason. I 
understand so much more than I did. Everything is so clear to me now." Ffej's 
eyes started to lose the glazed over look. "Anna, I must leave now. I just 
wanted to say goodbye, and that I love you... Don't cry for me long, let it out 
but know that the team is there for you too..." His eyes drifted closed.

A dagger ripped through her soul and she bled freely. "I don't want you to go. 
Please?" Forcing her hand onto the forcefield, the sting was virtually 
unbearable. "Don't go..." The glaze was falling from Harak's eyes but Anna felt 
like she was drowning. "Come back."

The spark of life grew in intensity, as his gaze focused on Anna's hand pressed 
against the field. "Anna? Your hand, it's getting pretty red. I can only assume 
you reached John, I still feel him inside. He seems at peace." Sitting up 
straight he eased the tension forming in his lower back. "Are you ok?"

"Yes." Pulling her hand away, she rubbed it self-consciously. "I'm fine. Thank 
you." She picked up the tricorder again. "I have a lot of work to do. Is there 
anything else I can help you with?"

Ffej eyed her for a second, he sensed the unease within her, but knew it wasn't 
his place to press the issue. She needed time and some space. "No, I believe my 
job is done, but if you need an ear, or a shoulder..." He stood and adjusted 
his uniform. "I'll see you, Anna." His eyes half glazed, "Goodbye." echoed with 
"Goodbye." Ffej turned and walk away...


                
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