<USS Avalon> "On the Road Less Traveled"

?On the Road Less Traveled?
by Commander Javan Sierra
& Junior Lieutenant Caine Reilly McKinsley



Things weren't going as he had planned. There was so much going on that Javan thought was ludicrous. First and foremost this whole investigation - Javan knew that he was in the right and almost all the people he'd spoken to believed he was in the right as well. And, apparently, the reputation of the first officer wasn't as golden as he once thought. Javan even made sure to go to the lengths of looking up the infraction and the situation thereof in the Starfleet Rules and Regulation manual; after almost three thousand pages he found what he wanted ? again he was in the right.

Meditation wasn't soothing his weary soul and either was venting about the predicament to his personal computer. He wanted nothing more than to take everything that he?d experienced in the last two days or so and shove them into a computer file and delete the damn thing into oblivion. Alas, he thought, even that wouldn't free his tormented being. So, there was one last thing he would try for freedom, but even that had been tainted. Caine.

She was the focal point of his being and the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad things were, no matter how dark his life got, no matter the pain he was enduring ? she was there. Being restricted to quarters put a crimp in his plans. Following his nature and his gut, as he'd done so many times before, he slipped into a jefferies tube, leaving his communications badge cleverly behind. After an hour of crawling he plopped out onto the deck in her quarters. She wasn't off shift, but he would wait. He stared out her big bay windows and sighed.

Unenthusiastically, Caine slowly made her way to her quarters from her office. Her meeting with Commander Skyler had just about drained Caine of her energy. There was something about that woman that just put Caine on edge. After mulling it over in her mind for a while she finally came up with the answer. Skyler reminded her of those shallow, self-centered, societal bitches from her past. Everything that Skyler did and said to Caine just was a slap in the face of the past and the women from then.

Rubbing her temples she sighed in relief as the doors to her sanctuary came into view. She would have much rather gone to Javan and spent her off time with him but she was quite sure such a thing wasn?t permitted at this time. Very happy to just be back to her room where no one could really bother her, Caine opened her door and walked in.

He heard the hiss and stepped back cautiously so she could see him, but her rubbing her temples and bee lining for the bedroom averted her gaze away from him. Javan folded his arms as he looked at her and cleared his throat rather loudly so she could hear him. "Not even a hello? I'm hurt."

Caine nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the male voice in her room and realized she wasn?t alone. A flash of the past came back to her and, with quite a bit of fear, she turned and faced her intruder, ready to fight if the need arose.

It took a moment for her to recognize the dark features of Javan. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm her racing heart she glared slightly at him. ?Oh gosh Javan, you scared the shit out of me. Didn?t your mother teach you that hiding in girls rooms and scaring them is very rude??

Javan couldn't help but smirk slightly as he walked towards her, "I'm incredibly sorry. I just needed to see you again." He took her in his arms and rested his chin on her shoulder, "I thought you might want something for dinner so I decided to whip something up. Your replicator is highly temperamental, do you know that?" With a wave of his hand he brought her eyes to the delicately set up table and the steaming plates of foods basking in the glow of candlelight. "Shall we?"

Her mouth fell open as she stared at the food on her table. ?What?? She looked up him and smiled. ?It looks wonderful and smells delicious. Thank you.? Leaning up she placed a hand on the side of his face and lightly kissed him on the lips.

He sat down and stared at her across the table, the light dancing over her face in a chaotic but simple movement. Javan watched her as she ate and even managed to spoon a few mouthfuls of sustenance into his own mouth, but something was troubling her. Javan could tell, but at the same time he couldn't be sure. His emotions had been fried over the whole Skyler situation, and that was causing him problems. "Caine, is something bothering you?"

Caine wasn?t sure if she wished that Javan would just fully read her mind or if she could just hide her emotions and thoughts from him. She sat for a few moments in silence, trying to decide whether or not to finally tell Javan all that she had planned to tell him back when this whole investigation started. She looked up into his eyes and forced out a small smile. ?I had wanted to tell you something. In fact I had had it all planned out before everything went crazy but it?s okay. I?ll wait ?til life isn?t so stressful.?

She wanted to tell him, Javan could feel it. "Caine, you know you can talk to me. If there's something that's bothering you I want to be able to help. We shouldn't have things that are hidden from each other," Javan knew that his most precious secret would have to remain an exception to that rule, "honesty and respect is vital to a relationship. I'm here for you."

?But what if you hear the truth and leave?? she said dejectedly under her breath. The food on her plate suddenly wasn?t so appetizing and the mood for her had turned slightly dark. She rested her chin in her hand and stared at the table, trying to figure out what was best. Javan claimed he was there for her and if she wanted to talk he would listen but what if once he heard all she had to say, he ran? What if he looked at her in disgust for what had happened to her and turned away from their relationship? That just wasn?t something she could handle. Now that the time was here to tell, she suddenly didn?t want to.

He took a breath, "I won't."

?I hope to all that is holy that you don?t,? she said, not yet raising her eyes to his. Taking deep calming breaths, Caine slowly prepared herself for what she was about to relive in her mind.

?When I was three years old, I was betrothed to a very power Baron. As I am sure you know, I come from a very prestigious Scottish family. We are very powerful and have ties into royalty. So it is only natural that I would be promised to a powerful man, as was my one sister. Our betrothal wasn?t fully announced until I was thirteen and the Baron was twenty-one. That is when my life became a living hell.?

The memories that were coming back to her hard and fast now, everything was as clear as when it happened. ?That was the first night he took me. To be honest I really didn?t know what was happening until it was happening.? A shudder ran through her body at the memory. ?Af?after that, it was nonstop torture. Every time I was near him something happened. He wasn?t always physically abusive, no sometimes he was verbally. I don?t know what was worse, having his hands on me either hitting or forcing me into some sexual act I did not want or hearing what he would call me and say to me. There were times he would pass me around to his friends.? The thoughts of those men, all those men touching her made her feel ill again. ?I became no better then a street whore, only I wasn?t getting paid or volunteering. I hate what was done to me and what it caused me to be.?

It hit Javan hard, but he refrained from saying anything as she continued.

She stood up and moved away from the table to the windows. ?It became so bad I tried to kill myself.? With a pathetic attempt at a laugh she continued on, ?obviously I didn?t succeed in ending my life but it did leave to ending my hell. My parents became worried for me; I wasn?t eating right, hardly sleeping, scared of even my shadow, but they ignored all of that. What finally got their attention was my attempted suicide. I never told them why I did it; I was still too scared. They got me out of the arranged marriage, never knowing anything.?

Caine was silent for a moment. ?I was used Javan, in many ways and so many times. I can?t tell you how many men have taken their pleasures on me and in me.? Taking a deep breath she turned and looked at him. ?There is one other thing you should probably know. I have miscarried in the past. I can honestly say I do not know whose children they were but I did want them,? the tears rolled down her face, ?unfortunately, the Baron didn?t.? Finishing the story of her past, she just stood there, looking at her feet, waiting for Javan to say something anything or to do something, just to let her know he wasn?t going to leave her.

She was silhouetted against the window. He could sense the hurt, the turmoil, and the pain emanating from her. He stood, unsure of exactly how to proceed, but he did the only thing that he could. Taking a step forward he stepped up onto the landing where she stood. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her close to his chest, and he placed a delicate kiss on the top of her head. "There is nothing in your past that could make me stop loving you. That's not who I am. I am sorry for what you were put through, but I'm not like the baron and it won't be like that again - ever."

The warmth of his body seeped through both of their clothes to her. Warming her body and mostly her heart. Her arms found their way around his waist and she hugged him close, never wanting to lose him. "I love you Javan," she said into his chest, his shirt soaking up her tears.

"Shhhhhh," Javan uttered as he stroked her hair with his hand. She didn't need verbal encouragement; she didn't need anything but tender loving care. "If there is anything that I can do for you, Caine, no matter the time just give me a call. Your well-being means the world to me. I love you more than anything and I want you to know that."

Turning her head to the side she lightly kissed his necked. Her arms tightened around his waist as she tried to move closer to him. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

It almost hit him as a shock as he looked at her. Javan wasn't sure how she meant the statement and he was confused on how to proceed. "Is that such a wise choice? And in that I mean how do you mean 'stay with you'." He felt awkward asking that question, but he needed to know. Javan felt that he was being a pig about the situation. Then, after all of that, he surmised it was time. "I'll stay as long as you need."

"Just hold me, that is all I ask. Just hold me tonight." Caine buried her head deeper into his shoulder, her tears still falling.

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