<USS Avalon> "Never Supposed To Be Like This"

Never Supposed To Be Like This
By Lieutenant Commander Elissabeth Marksbury


Aw, hell, she thought, looking into small mirror. Elissabeth had stepped out of 
the sonic shower and dressed, knowing she was supposed to be released from 
sickbay any time now. The third treatment had been completed, her stomach had 
performed its usual acrobatics and she was slowly back on her feet, though weak 
as a kitten.

The skin around her eyes was as deep purple as a fresh bruise, and they were 
sunken. Hollow cheeks... and she had lost what seemed like a lot of weight, 
considering she didn?t carry around much extra anyway. She knew most of it was 
muscle mass destroyed and it would take a long time to re-build it.

The most noticeable thing to her, though, was her hair. It seemed like every 
time she touched it, more fell out into her hands. Elissabeth had never 
considered herself a vain person, but this did touch on her pride a bit. How 
could it not?

Gently gathering it back to the nape of her neck, she fussed with it just a bit 
to cover the thin and bald spots. It shouldn?t be too offensive this way. I 
hope. The nurse attending to her assured that it would grow back and even 
offered to cut it for her to cut down on the weight of the length. Sighing, she 
considered it.

Moving back out into the room, she was met by the smiling nurse, holding out a 
padd for her to sign as official release.

"Do you need any help getting anywhere, Commander?"

Commander. The title hit her like a slap to the face. Give me a team, let me 
lose one of the members, and then promote me, she thought bitterly.

"No, I think I?ll be okay, Marie. I?ll just take it easy," she smiled instead.

"Are you sure? I don?t mind. This is my last duty for the day and then I go 
home. How about I just walk you to your quarters? Just to be safe?"

Do I look that weak to you? "Sure," Elissabeth nodded.

Marie gathered her things for her as Lissi stepped out of her room and looked 
around at all the people lying in sickbay. She recognised some of them, but the 
one that made her breath catch was Sussanna Jameson. Elissabeth had no idea 
that one of her team members was here.

She moved over to the bed where Anna lay, deathly still. Reaching out to touch 
her, she thought better of it, and instead, brought her hand to cover her 
mouth, taking it all in.

Marie reached her side, and Lissi asked, "What happened?"

"That stuff beamed aboard on deck 13. It was a virus, pretty nasty. I?ve been 
told that she came up with the cure for it, but it wasn?t tested... and it?s 
having some bad side effects. Doctor Roan is working on the cure and in the 
meantime, they?re sedated," she answered somberly.

Elissabeth nodded and moved away, knowing there was nothing she could do for 
Anna or the rest. And she was already starting to feel tired, just standing. 
Her mind screamed in frustration.

"Are you ready, sir?"

"Yes, thank you, Marie. And I?m sorry, I didn?t catch your name and rank. 
You?ve been very kind to me and I?d like to send a good performance report to 
your supervisor."

"Warrant Officer Grant, sir, and thank you."

"You earned it, Marie."

The walk to her new quarters took longer than she expected. The move from deck 
eight of the security quarters to deck three, bridge officers, was going to be 
quite different. It meant she?d be closer to Anthony and Skyler... but also 
closer to Sierra. The thought made her nose wrinkle.

"Are you okay?" the observant nurse asked.

"I?m fine, just an odd thought."



All her things had already been moved to the new quarters. Anthony had seen to 
it personally he said, which was incredibly sweet, considering how busy she 
knew he was. A fresh bouquet of lilies were arranged in the center of her 
table, card attached. It was the first thing that caught her attention.

Elissabeth picked up the card. "I hope you?re feeling better, Liss," was all it 
said. She smiled slightly with James? thoughtfulness. He knew they were her 
favourite Terran flower. It was a wonderful gesture, but nearly painful. She 
wanted to see him so badly. And didn?t. She just couldn?t forget what he?d done.

"There you go, Commander," Marie smiled. "You?re all set. Is there anything 
else you need? This is really nice. I?ve never been in these sort of quarters 
before."

"It is nice. And no, I?ll be fine. Thank you again, Marie. You didn?t have to 
come all the way up here with me."

"I didn?t mind." 

The look of pity on the girl?s face was nearly too much for Lissi to handle. 
Get out! "Well, I appreciated it." The door closed behind the girl and 
Elissabeth moved directly to the plush sofa, curling up and pulling the throw 
over her. It was just so wrong... every bit of it. James, Forester, Anna, 
Sierra, Tel... it was just pulling her apart inside.

She sat there staring at wall, wishing so many things could?ve been different. 
So very many things.


                
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