<USS Avalon> "Never Letting Go"

"Never Letting Go"
Vevay Davis and Melanie Redgrave

'Stupid little bitch!' came the harsh voice from the darkness. It tore through 
her mind and she knew he was drunk. Vevay shifted in her sleep again, not 
waking but trying to. Footsteps outside her door made her curl into a ball. The 
doorknob turned and she whimpered. As the door creaked open, she buried her 
head in her chest and pulled her knees up over them. 'Got to teach you, you've 
got to learn.'

Sleep came in short bursts these days for a number of reasons, she couldn't get 
comfortable, she had to pee, the baby was playing a solitary game of football 
inside her swollen stomach. Tonight, however, her lack of sleep had nothing to 
do with the baby. Her mind was still spinning from everything that had happened 
over the last few days. Vevay had told her she loved her. She'd admitted to 
Vevay her own feelings. That morning she'd removed her engagement ring, though 
she was still unsure of how to tell Elijah. That, though, she could worry about 
tomorrow, for now all she wanted to do was watch Vevay sleep. Her soft loving 
smile quickly turned to a frown when it was clear to her that Vevay was having 
a nightmare. Placing her hand carefully on the other woman's shoulder, Melanie 
called out to her. "Vevay? Vevay, wake up love."

'All done, love,' her mother's soft voice said in the darkness. Swollen welts 
ran across her back, shoulders, legs and any other part her father could reach 
but her crying didn't stop. A gentle hand made her start and Vevay's eyes flew 
open as she gasped for breath. "S-sorry, nightmare," she admitted, wiping 
unconsciously at the tears she knew would be there. "I have them a lot, j-just 
ignore them."

Melanie reached out and wiped lovingly at the wetness on Vevay's face. "Don't 
be sorry, love. I don't want to ignore them though. They've clearly upset you. 
Tell me about them?"

"Um..." Vevay flushed scarlet and ran her fingers through her sweat soaked 
hair. "No... that is... It would be like throwing crude oil into a clean, clear 
water supply. Taking something tainted and forcing it into something pure." 
Ffej knew, maybe that's why it hadn't worked. Maybe, inside, she couldn't cope 
with people knowing.

Leaning in Melanie kissed Vevay softly and then drew her close, or at least as 
close as she could manage. "Sometimes when you talk about the nightmares it 
helps to give you power over them. At least that's what my Mum always told me. 
You don't have to talk about them if you don't want to, but I'll always listen 
Vevay, no matter what it's about. I'm a lot stronger then I seem at times."

"I... I'm sorry. The last time I told someone, they kind of disappeared on me," 
Vevay admitted as she shook her head. "I trust you, but not with this."

"I understand." She lied as she played with the end of a strand of Vevay's 
hair. It truth it stung, but she wouldn't push. "How about I make us a bit of 
tea?"

"Tea would be good, very good actually." Slipping out of bed, Vevay stretched 
muscles that had been scrunched by the dream and almost felt the rawness she'd 
felt as a child. It was almost as if she could feel the tautness of the very 
faint scar tissue there: gifts from a man who'd told her there had to be a 
physical reminder of wrong-doings. "Could I have extra sugar in mine please?" 

It took a little extra work to get out of bed but Melanie managed to do it as 
gracefully as a woman starting her seventh month could muster. "Of course you 
can have extra sugar." She smiled softly as she padded towards the door. She 
paused close to Vevay and frowned a little as she watched her move so gingerly. 
"Not a very comfortable thing sharing a bed with a small whale is it, love."

It would've been so easy to just agree but it was also a big fat lie. "I love 
sharing your bed, it's very comfortable. It's just that I get very tense when I 
dream so hard. Sleeping next to you stops me curling into a ball. Sometimes," 
she chuckled weakly, "it takes me half an hour just to move from the clenched 
position." 

"Your safe with me, Vevay, you know that don't you?" Melanie asked as she 
stepped closer. Reaching out she rubbed up and down Vevay's arms, her 
shoulders, her hands. Then she moved to stand behind her and again rubbed her 
shoulders, the knots there making her bite her tongue to keep herself from 
asking again about the dreams. 

Vevay almost let Mel massage her shoulders and back but at the last minute, she 
stepped away, blushing scarlet. "S-sorry, they hurt at the moment." It was 
mostly the truth, but she didn't want Mel to touch her because she was 
convinced the scars would be felt through the material of her pajamas. "M-maybe 
I'll have a hot shower later or something."

"Alright." Melanie replied, a little more of her hurt lacing her voice then she 
would have liked. "I'll just put the kettle on then. I've a lovely chamomile 
and lavender tea unless you would like something a bit stronger." 

"I..." Vevay suddenly found she couldn't speak and she covered her mouth with 
her hand, forcing back silly tears. I wish I could tell you, I want to tell 
you, she thought desperately. Putting her hand on Mel's arm, she made her stop 
and turn to face her. Without a word, Vevay turned around and pulled her pajama 
shirt over her head to show the white lines running parallel with her spine, 
the occasional one lying across in a lattice.

The marks were very faint, some might have even thought they were simply from 
laying on winkles in her top, but Melanie knew better. She'd seen marks like 
this, some even more faint, some far worse. She reached out without hesitation 
and caressed the scars as she closed the distance between them. "Who?" She 
asked simply. 

In a voice full of shame, Vevay said, "My father."

Melanie pressed both of her hands softly, lovingly against Vevay's back. "Why, 
Vevay?"

"Why what?" Staring at the wall, Vevay could almost convince herself that Mel 
was touching her through love, not morbid fascination.

Bending her head down Melanie carefully placed soft kisses on the soft marks 
near Vevay's shoulders. "Why did he hurt you, love."

"Because I deserved it," Vevay admitted, tears already flowing down her cheeks. 
"Why else?"

Melanie shook her head and turned Vevay so she could look into her beautiful 
eyes. "No one, especially not a child, deserves to be beaten that way, Vevay. 
Those are belt marks, some that look as if they've grown and softened with the 
skin. You have to have been just a child."

"From the age of three onwards. Mom always said he never touched me before 
that. Same with my brother. But then, he rarely touched Newlyn anyway." Staring 
at the floor, her tears trickled down her neck and over her chest.

It wasn't until she reached out to brush away Vevay's tears and to tilt her 
head upwards, that it finally dawned on Melanie that she was topless. They 
hadn't made love yet, neither wanting to go to fast, so this was the first time 
she'd seen quiet so much of Vevay. "Your beautiful." She whispered as she 
cupped Vevay's face. Blushing she cleared her throat and returned her gaze to 
Vevay's eyes. "He had not right, Vevay. He was harsh and cruel, and simply had 
no right nor reason."

"He had every right, I was his daughter until I left, I was under his care and 
thus deserving of his punishment, whatever he decided," Vevay said with 
complete bitterness.

Melanie shook her head again. "There are other ways to punish a child, Vevay. 
There are even other physical punishments that don't require a belt or a full 
grown man scaring a child's flesh. What could a three year old possibly do to 
earn a beating with a bloody leather belt?"

Vevay shrugged, her cheek getting redder and her eyes drifting back to the 
floor. Folding her arms beneath her breasts, she hugged herself tightly. "Bad 
things, evil things, sinful... I don't remember. Just the footsteps, the cruel 
words and the pain. Once, though, I tripped and poured his hot soup over him. 
That I remember because..." she lifted her arms and stepped back so her stomach 
was showing where deep pot marks showed but only a few.

Forcing back a gasp Melanie also swallowed down her anger. "He was cruel and a 
coward, Vevay. You didn't deserve any of that so called punishment."

"I know, I think," Vevay said as she covered herself back up with her arms. 
"Sometimes I wonder. And I'm sorry. I love you, I do, but this... sweetness 
will go away now, like it normally does."

Melanie blinked. Had she just heard that right? "You expect me to treat you 
badly or to even... what.. stop loving you because I know that your father was 
a horrid little man who had to beat his children to feel strong?"

"Not stop, just... fade away, slowly kind of find better things to do, find 
your work suddenly more important or something like that..." Vevay didn't quite 
add 'like Ffej' even though the omission rang clearly.

"I'm not anymore Ffej then you are Elijah." Melanie said firmly. "I told you at 
Maggie's that in my heart and in my soul I know we're meant to be together. I 
meant that, Vevay. My love isn't going to just fade away, it's only going to 
get stronger."

In a small fit of frustrated fear, Vevay took Mel's hand and forced it onto her 
stomach. "Then touch me," she said, her eyes blazing with indignation. "These 
are the start, I'm covered in them, riddled with them across my skin and in my 
head. Go on, touch them, if you love me so very much then prove it by actually 
exploring them."

Melanie took hold of Vevay's hand and lead her back over to the bed. Lowering 
herself with a silent moan she sat on the edge of the bed. Once she was settled 
she pulled Vevay towards her, caressing her stomach with her finger tips. If 
this is what Vevay needed, if she needed to know that she still wanted her, 
needed her, then Melanie would show here. Leaning in she kissed soft flesh as 
well as faded reminders of an evil man. She wanted to push away the hurt, the 
painful memories, and leave behind her love with deep hope that it would be 
enough. 

Vevay covered her eyes with one of her hands as she started to cry. Small, 
silent sobs made her rock a little. Grabbing at Mel's hand, she forced at away. 
"I'm sorry," she rasped. "Please don't touch this, it's disgusting, I'm 
disgusting. I'm sorry. That was mean and not fair. I shouldn't have..."

Wrapping her arms around Vevay's waist, Melanie looked up at her face. "Your 
beautiful, Vevay. I want to touch you, I want to kiss you, to hold you, to make 
love to you."

"Why?" Vevay asked through her tears.

"Because you've the most loveliest of smiles, stunning eyes, warm soft skin, a 
kind and caring heart, and a stunningly pour soul." Melanie replied as she once 
again wiped at Vevay's tears. "All of you is beautiful to me, Vevay, and it's 
all of you that I love."

"I wish I understood," Vevay said softly, covering her stomach up again. "I 
wish I could see it." 

Melanie bit her lip for a moment and then smiled. "I can show you I think."

Vevay frowned. "How?"

"My birth mother was a Betazoid." She answered simply.

"So's Ffej," Vevay shrugged. "He showed me memories of his childhood, of what 
it's like to be loved and know it. It was beautiful for the short time it 
lasted but left a kind of a bitterness behind. Like almost jealousy. Petty, 
aren't I?"

Melanie shook her head and admitted. "Not really, it's not any more petty then 
my being jealous of my sister's memories of our mother." She paused a moment 
before adding. "I wouldn't know how to show you my memories or what feelings 
were like in the past, all I can do is show you how I feel now, about you."

"You can do that?" Vevay tilted her head to the side, still hugging herself 
tightly. "You'd do that for me?"

"It's strange in a way. I feel as if I've this connection to you, something so 
much more then being able to feel how my sister or Georgia or my Mum are 
feeling. It's as if your simply 'there' with me." Melanie smiled a little 
crookedly. "And yes, I'd do that and so much more for you."

"Show me?" Sitting on the bed next to Mel, Vevay drew her knees up under her 
chin. "Please, show me."

Physical contact wasn't needed for Betaziods, but for Melanie personally it 
make it more real. Taking Vevay's hand, she pressed it to her own chest just 
over her heart and held it there with her own hands. Then she closed her eyes 
and focused her mind the way Skyler had been teaching her, clearing it, 
relaxing, opening it freely. She centered all thoughts and emotions on Vevay 
and then projected them to her, to that part of her that she felt inside 
herself. 

Vevay sat there very quietly, almost carefully and just felt. It was like 
nothing she expected; totally different to anything Ffej had shown her. There 
was love but it was without the hang-up or bitterness that Vevay felt for 
herself. It was pure and it made her heart break that someone could feel like 
this for someone so very broken.

She hadn't realized that the connection would be two-way but it felt natural. 
Not so very broken to me, my love.

"Stay like this and make love to me?" Vevay held Mel's eyes and found herself 
smiling. Drowning in the feel of Mel's mind, she reached to stroke Mel's face. 
So very perfect. Mel was like an angel shining in her mind, glowing and pulsing 
with light.

For a moment Melanie felt self conscious about having Vevay see her swollen and 
puffy body, but she wanted to make love to her, needed to feel her physically, 
emotionally, completely. Pushing herself off the bed Melanie stood and slipped 
the straps of her long silk nightgown from her shoulders causing the material 
to slide over her swollen breasts, her large round belly, and then to pool at 
her bare feet in a puddle of midnight blue. 

You're beautiful, Vevay beamed. Opening her arms, she shuffled back on the bed. 
Come here. Vevay's whole face glowed with love and appreciation of Mel's form.

Without any hesitation Melanie moved towards Vevay, allowing the other woman to 
help her back onto the bed. "I love you, Vevay." She said softly as she 
caressed the other woman's face. 

"I love you too, Mel, you're an angel." Her fingers danced over Mel's shoulders 
and down her arms. Snuggling back against the pillows, she played with her hair 
and sighed happily.

Melanie smiled as she laid next to Vevay, unable to hold herself above her 
lover. Reaching out she traced the beautiful smile on Vevay's face and then 
kissed her deeply. 

Reaching out, Vevay touched Mel's breast very lightly. "Does it hurt? If I 
touch you, will I hurt you?"

Melanie shook her head and blushed a little. "I don't think there's apart of me 
left that isn't swollen. They're tender and a little sore but no love, you 
won't hurt me."

"Then I can do this?" Vevay asked as she traced across Mel's tummy and lower. 
She kissed her softly, pulling her close.

With eyes closed and heart pounding Melanie moaned into the kiss and wrapped 
her arms around Vevay. She couldn't get as close as she'd have liked too, her 
tummy getting in the way, but any closeness at all was perfection. 

As Vevay played over the bulge, she frowned. "And the little one, it won't 
bother her?"

Again Melanie shook her head. "It's safe until the last month, but we'll have 
to be mindful of my bloody blood pressure. Though," She smiled coyly, "I read 
that this is a great way to relieve stress."

"Then let's relieve your stress," Vevay said huskily. Her hands resumed their 
exploration, her lips kissing a line down Mel's neck and across her shoulder.

Melanie actually giggled, something she had never done during sex, the thought 
of which made her giggle again. Then she bit her lip as Vevay's hands covered 
the massiveness of her body with tenderness and love. She sighed as her own 
hands slid over Vevay, taking in every inch of what she felt like. "You know 
come morning, I'll never be able to let you go."

"I don't want you to. In fact," she let her hand drift lower and lower, "I'm 
never ever letting you go." Her fingers finally danced to the top of Mel's 
legs. "I'm staying, can't get rid of me now." 

Melanie buried her face in the crook of Vevay's neck to hide the tears in her 
eyes. "Do you really mean that, Vevay?"

"Well yeah," Vevay pulled back so she could look into Mel's eyes. "Why would I 
leave? You're amazing and I love you. Even if I get transferred, I'll still be 
there for you. I'll come back every opportunity I can, spend every minute with 
you and Grace that I can." 

"We're easy to walk away from." She replied softly.

Vevay frowned deeper. "So am I but you're still here and I am too." 

"I promise I won't walk away." Melanie said as she kissed Vevay. "If you 
promise too." 

"I promise." Vevay deepened the kiss, curling tighter against Mel. "Going 
nowhere, remember?"

Melanie smiled brightly. "Never letting go."

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