<USS Avalon> Mindless Inquiries by Anthony J. Manson

                              Mindless Inquiries

                             by Anthony J. Manson

Well, my transfer went certainly better than expected. Honestly, I thought 
Captain Ketrall was going to reject my request of transfer. Thankfully she 
didn?t. She had me squirming in my seat for a good three minutes and as soon as 
she dismissed me I darted out of there like a bullet shot from a gun! My shift 
was pretty much regular, nothing special to tell about. Divert power here, pull 
power there, level power outputs and all at the same time not compromising a 
single system. The only problem I had was when I nearly yelled at two 
engineering teams for messing with repairs that could have effected the life 
support system on that deck they were on. Although "nearly yelling" isn?t the 
word for it. I don?t yell...I just let my irritation be known over the comm. 

I got back to my quarters pretty much quiet as always. People pass by, but it?s 
almost as though I don?t notice them. Like transparent figures, they walk in 
and out of my view without so much as a recognition. I mean, I did say a few 
"hi"?s but when you can barely make out what Im saying, I don?t think it would 
count. 

Entering my quarters, I rested against the door as it shut behind me revealing 
a dark den that I took my sanctuary at. I like my quarters; simple, but with 
some of the art compositions I brought along when I transferred to the 
Blackwell. "Computer, lights- dim." Immediately, the lights came out after the 
familiar bleep rang through the room. I walked over to my drawer, and took out 
my duffel bag. There isn?t much to pack really; just my few personal items.

I took it out, and started packing my items, getting ready for the Commander to 
pick me up. I had a sudden feeling to go back to the captain and tell her that 
I was going to stay aboard and that the request for transfer would be 
unnecessary. No, this is for the better, I reminded myself. This was the best 
thing I could have done. Besides, I don?t think my services I can offer would 
be of great use here. I wasn?t even sure my services over at the Avalon was 
going to be of use either, but I had to go; a new start. That was what I needed 
a new start. When I was first assigned to the Kittyhawk, things were the same 
as it was here on the Blackwell. I hadn?t change. In fact, I hadn?t change much 
at all. 

I knew I had to change. I know now, that I have to make some effort to change 
my ways. But I seem to be more comfortable like this. Yet...yet, deep down I 
know I?m not. I know some part of me is missing who I want to be, who I always 
known to be. I guess this is what happens when you withdraw yourself from the 
rest of the whole. So, as some can imagine, a sense of community just never 
came up my alley. Ever. Oh well, I don?t think I miss it that much- I 
understand my need to communicate; need of friends- but at the same time, it 
seems good to be alone. You don?t have so many worries to contemplate, no 
stress to tackle, and no biting my fingernails until they are unrecognizable 
stubs on my fingers. 

So, my big question that came into my head pounded onto my front like a 
battering ram. Am I going to be the same, like this, who I am; the quiet one? 
My first answer was yes...it also just happen to be my second...as well as my 
third. And the word "no" seem to range out there somewhere in the billions of 
"yes."

Placing all my stuff in the bag, I just set it down at the couch and went into 
the bathroom to change. Quickly changing, I got into bed, making sure the 
combadge was at the small spacing to my right so I could easily reach for it in 
the event something happen. My answer came now; it was not so much as a "yes" 
as it was a "no." It was more of a "we?ll see, won?t we?" Even to me, it 
sounded as if talking to myself was a bit much. Just as long as I don?t answer 
myself. 

Which I don?t. 

Honest.

A thousand thoughts streamed through my head like a giant wave, and just as 
fast as it flowed through, it left me. And only a few remained, remained to be 
answered, remained to be pondered. But not now, as my eyelids felt several 
pounds heavy. That familiar darkness swallowed me. And the world seemed like a 
better place in my dreams. As they always are, as they always will be.



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