<USS Avalon> Love and Confusion, part two

 =/\= Love And Confusion, part two =/\=
El-Kainah Ngaio and Miriam Francher


El had to admit to himself that he was confused by this turn of events. He 
had been trying to talk to Miriam for the past few days but he hadn't been able 
to meet up with her anywhere. But that Siobhan had offered to cover his shift 
for a little while, had confused him all the more.

He arrived at Miri's door and pressed the chime, determined to find out why 
she had been avoiding him.

Miriam was sitting at the table in the little dining area, studying, as 
usual. When the door chime sounded, she looked up, wondering who could be here 
at 
this hour. "Come in," she called, to signal the door to open.

He stepped in slightly. The room was dark save for the light over the table 
where she sat studying. He studied her a moment before speaking. "Hey, Miri," 
he said finally. "I just wanted to see if you were OK. I hadn't seen you in a 
few weeks." He smiled.

She started to rise, but sat back, her hair -- loose at the moment -- 
swirling up to hide her face. When she got it under control, she looked up at 
him, 
her eyes wide with an expression of mixed fear, sorrow, and something else even 
she had trouble identifying. "Is everything all right?" she asked. "Shouldn't 
you be working?"

"Sure. I just wanted to see if you were all right." He smiled at her. "Your 
roommate is covering for me for a few minutes." His smile broadened. "Are you?"

"Well," Miri stammered, "I've just been studying for exams..."

He frowned. He could tell there was something else. "You sure there isn't 
anything else?" he asked. "I have a feeling there is," he offered.

She shook her head. "Don't worry about me," she said softly. "I'm fine... I 
just want you to be happy..."

He went over to where she was sitting. He looked into her eyes. "How can I be 
happy, knowing that you are upset with me?" He asked. "How can I be happy 
knowing that you are avoiding me?"

"I'm not upset with you..." She took his hand, letting him read her through 
and through. And then just opened herself up and let him see everything. 
Especially the parts about not wanting to coerce him into a commitment he 
wasn't 
ready to make. She looked away, ashamed at baring her emotions to him.  Soft, 
melancholy music wove a faint dance around her.

El smiled at the music he could suddenly hear. "They you go again." He tried 
to tease gently. "And you say I am the charmer?" His smile was playful as he 
came to sit next to her.

Miri found herself lifting off the chair to inch away from him, and sternly 
forced herself to sit back down. "Please," she begged. "Don't..." She wasn't 
sure what she was asking, only that she was terrified of something.

"Don't check to see how you are doing?" he asked. "Don't be hurt when you 
avoid me?" He asked further. He was trying to hide how hurt he really was but 
it 
wasn't working. He was hurt deeply by her avoiding him. But he also had a 
feeling that wasn't what she was talking about. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of 
me."

He stood up and moved so he was sitting across from her. Hoping he would ease 
her discomfort by moving a little. "I'll just sit over here and listen."

Miriam shuddered, twisting her hands uncomfortably, but at least her hair was 
under control. ~~Don't make me fall in love with you,~~ she pleaded. Oh, God, 
don't let me fall in love with him.

~~I am not making you do anything, Miri.~~ he responded. ~~All I want to know 
is why you are avoiding me? I thought we were friends.~~ He looked at the 
stack of PADDs a moment before returning his gaze to her eyes. "Friends talk 
out 
whatever is bothering them, Miri. They don't avoid one another. That is what 
was so different about you and me. It wasn't like that with Dagny, remember."

She turned toward the replicator, and a moment later something materialized 
in it. She held out her hand and the glass of water obligingly floated over to 
her. Taking a sip, she set it down on the table. "I'm scared," she admitted 
very softly. "There's a part of me that just wants to blend together with you, 
and it scares me."

He looked at the table again. He didn't want to get bogged down in the 
details of how she had just done what she did. But he was curious, this was 
more 
important than how a glass got from the replicator to her hand though. "I know. 
But what do you want me to do? I like you Miri, and I want to spend time with 
you, because you are my friend." He paused a moment. "You are my friend, aren't 
you?" he asked, suddenly worried she wasn't.

Miri nodded slowly. "I'm your friend," she said, her voice cracking. "Always, 
El. Never doubt that." Trembling, she took another sip of her water.

"Then talk to me, Miri." He smiled. "I don't want to hurt you. Tell me what I 
did, because I don't understand."

"It's not you," she murmured. "It's me." Tentatively, she held out a hand to 
him, not touching but letting him decide whether he wanted to.

He took her hand gently. "You said I should see Siobhan. That the two of us 
would have fun together." He reminded her.

~~I did ... and I meant it...~~ At the touch, her mind stretched into 
effortless contact with his, meshing and blending and filling him with music. 
She 
couldn't control it, she could only let herself drift with it and try not to be 
afraid.

~~Then why are you acting like this?~~ he asked as the music filled his mind. 
He allowed her to feel his confusion over her actions, over her, over 
everything about the two of them, and their relationship.

Her emotions flooded into him ... confusion to match his own, but underlying 
that, her love and longing to be with him ... and her fear of hurting him or 
entrapping him.

Now it was his turn to stand up and move away. Shocked by what she had shown 
him. He backed up, nearly stumbling over the chair in the process.

His shock threw her out of contact, and she turned away, biting her lip and 
trying to hide her tears. Miriam wasn't used to being this confused, and it 
upset her more than she had thought it might.

Somehow he managed to avoid landing on his backside when he tripped and took 
several steps to steady himself again. "I..." He trailed off and restarted. 
"I..." He couldn't go on any further. He paused again. For longer this time, 
forcing himself to calm down. "I like you too, Miri." He smiled. "I don't like 
being confused either."

She couldn't speak, because if she did, she'd sob. ~~I never meant to fall in 
love,~~ she said silently. ~~With anyone. I'm such a fool.~~

~~I never meant for you to either,~~ he said. ~~I tried to be boring or 
whatever.~~ He smiled. ~~I shouldn't have kissed you the other morning,~~ he 
admitted.

~~I liked it,~~ she confessed, managing to glance at him without bursting 
into fresh tears.

~~Me, too. But I still shouldn't have done it.~~ He came out of his mind. 
"Especially when I was going to be seeing Siobhan later in the day."

Miriam hung her head. "What do we do now?" she whispered.

"I don't know." He confessed. "I know I don't like it when you avoid me, 
though."

"Siobhan is crazy," Miriam said suddenly.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, curious at not just the statement but also 
the seeming randomness of it.

"She's trying to push us together," said Miriam. "At the risk of losing what 
she has with you. Isn't that crazy?"

"Maybe she knows something we don't," he said to her. "Maybe we should ask 
her about it. Maybe she will share."

"She said it was a feeling she had," Miri told him.

He nodded. "She is an empath," he offered. "Maybe it has something to do with 
her abilities."

"Maybe." Miriam slowly got to her feet and walked around the table to him, 
holding out her hands. Again, she let him decide whether he wanted to touch 
her. 
A tiny thread of music drifted between them.

He took her hand again. Enjoying the music.

Again, her mind blended into the edges of his, delicately joining them. She 
didn't have words for what she was feeling, but she didn't need them. Her feet 
rose a few centimeters from the floor, unnoticed.

El watched her a moment, unsure of what to make of the situation. "Miri, 
you..." his voice trailed off but he allowed the thought to complete itself. He 
was nervous, and attracted to this mysterious girl he knew liked him as much as 
he liked her.

"I what?" They were slipping in and out of vocal speech so smoothly that she 
barely noticed the difference.

"You are so exciting," he finished. "I'm sorry Miri, I don't know what to do. 
I want to take you into my arms and kiss you deeply, but..." He trailed off 
again.

Miriam shivered with some emotion midway between fear and desire. ~~Go back 
to work,~~ she said gently. ~~Before they miss you. I -- I'm not going 
anywhere, I'll still be here later.~~

~~Siobhan can cover for me. If I am needed they'll call me,~~ he told her 
mentally. "I want to finish this now. Don't you?"

She had a feeling that if she finished it the way she was inclined to, it 
wouldn't end with just a kiss. It took a few moments to get herself under 
control. "I'm not sure what we can finish now," she said in a very soft voice.

"Why not?" he asked. "Miri, we like each other, why don't we just see what 
happens?"

"I do like you," she said. "More than. And I think we need to talk. Calmly. 
When you're not in a position to be called back to work if something comes up. 
When I'm not worn out from studying."

"All right. My shift ends in a few hours." He smiled. "We could try breakfast 
again," he suggested.

Miri blushed. "Something light, this time," she agreed.

El nodded. "Definitely." He joked with her gently. 

Miri noticed then that her feet weren't touching the floor, but rather than 
set herself back down, she lifted a tiny bit more, enough to kiss El without 
pulling him down to her. And she did kiss him, softly and tenderly.

He returned the kiss warmly and just as tenderly. ~~Maybe I can stay?~~ he 
teased as they kissed. It was warm and sweet and loving. All the things you 
would want a kiss to be, especially when you are wanting there to be more, but 
it 
can't be now.

~~Next time,~~ she promised, and was surprised to find she meant it.

He smiled. ~~ I may hold you to that, Miri,~~ he teased lightly as the kiss 
ended and he moved to go back to work.

She settled her feet back on the floor as he left. You can hold me any time, 
love, she thought to herself. But she didn't share the thought, not yet.

And, strangely, as he moved away from her, it felt as if a small part of her 
went with him.

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