<USS Avalon> Lonely and Fading

Lonely and Fading

by Senior Lieutenant Anthony Manson

I managed to move back into my quarters, which I didn?t think was possible to 
begin with. Not sure if it's a blessing or a curse.  The Rydyns haven?t been 
cooperating much since the restrictions placed upon them, but the Ambassador 
reluctantly agreed to another room. Nothing like being a senior officer and 
having your choices open. I was a little surprised that I got my place back, 
grateful even. Unfortunately, as I entered the place, I picked up an odor that 
forced me out until the automatic cleaners were done sanitizing it. What did 
that Ambassador do? 

I don?t suppose I care, actually. But I?ll be damned if I?m going to sleep in a 
stench filled room. On a bed that the Ambassador used. 

I ordered the computer to do another sweep. You just never know. 

The place was as dark as I left it. Surprising. I thought the Ambassador would 
have changed the settings. Seems this particular person liked the dark as much 
as I did. Never was one for bright lights. 

Everything looked... drab. Plain, boring, and simple. There. It felt as though 
someone else were watching through my eyes. In fact, that was all I was feeling 
right now, or rather, all I wanted to feel - detached. Inside, I felt lost. 

I reverted back to my solitude. The feeling was so old, so... uncommon, yet I 
instantly withdrew from everything. It wasn?t hard at all to revert back to my 
nature. Alder had been my guide to the social ways of life. In fact, I depended 
on him to get me out there. It wasn?t easy for either of us, but we put the 
effort in. I did for him, if anything. 

Now I find myself alone. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. I already miss him. 

I admit he is right. About the whole damn thing, no less. I just don?t like 
admitting to it, and if I did, he?d have to hear the entre story. I just can?t 
tell him. Or... I could, but then I?d risk the danger of him getting killed. 
Granted, there was nothing to stop Section 31 from doing that now, but they 
hadn?t done anything yet.  So far, at least, they had kept their part of the 
bargain. My silence for Alder?s safety. 

I wonder what?s going on with that Section 31 agent. Maybe he finds it alright 
I didn?t kill the captain. Maybe the revelation of Rydyn?s secret activities 
exposed was all he wanted. And maybe, just maybe, I could go back and explain 
everything to Alder. Later though. I had to find a way to explain everything. 
Don?t know where to begin, frankly.

So now I find myself waking up to a cold and empty side of the bed. Find myself 
coming home to no one. To have an entire night of... nothing. 

What the hell did I do before Alder came into my life? Can?t really remember. 
He really did affect me. God, I love him. I just don?t know if that was mutual 
anymore. He seemed so carefree about it all. 

Okay, he was hurting too, but... not as much as I thought he would. I?m 
probably reading it all wrong. Emotions do that for us telepaths. And 
considering I?m not very good with my own abilities, I was probably tuning 
myself into Alder?s emotions. 

I love him. 

I know, I already said that. 

But I really do.


                
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