<USS Avalon> "It's a Talking Robot, Not a Pink Elephant" (K'etrall, Woodward)

It's a Talking Robot, Not a Pink Elephant
K'etrall/Woodward
2007:02:06

Sitting in her barren quarters K'etrall needed something to do.  What
that was she wasn't sure. She wasn't in the mood for a holo-program,
although that would tire her out and maybe allow her to get this
restless feeling she had out of her system. She wasn't sure why she
was so restless.  She'd had enough excitement what with Victoria
passing out in the lift, dealing with new ensigns and such.

Getting up she started to pace. She paced so much she thought she
might have put a hole in the floor but in reality it had only been a
few moments.  **I have got to get out of here, but where to go?**
Leaving her quarters, K'etrall started walking. After several minutes
she found herself outside the lounge.  Looking in, it didn't appear to
be too busy. She walked in and made her way to the bar. Finding an
empty stool she sat down and tried to think of what she might want.

A balding human behind the bar walked down to her.  "nuqneH," he said,
with a big grin.  "What can I get for you?"  A jaunty tune started
playing from the jukebox.

K'etrall simply grunted. Just because she looked Klingon didn't always
mean she wanted to speak it. She still hadn't gotten used to the idea
of being half Klingon. Especially considering what her father was
like. "I don't suppose you have anything stronger than that artificial
stuff that is supposed to pass as liquor do you?"

His eyebrows twitched slightly at K'etrall's grunt, but then he said,
"Might be arranged.  You're K'etrall, yes?"

"Who wants to know? Do you always stick your nose in where it's not
wanted? I thought your job was to serve the liquor and leave the rest
to a counselor or something."

He leaned down across the bar, placing his face very close to
K'etrall's.  Without raising his voice, he said, "Listen, Lieutenant
Sunshine.  My job is to provide a pleasant and entertaining place for
the crew to relax and enjoy themselves while off duty.  It does *not*
include taking attitude from anybody.  As it happens, I do have real
alcohol -- and some pretty damn potent alcohol at that.  But I am
strictly forbidden from serving it to anyone who is on duty or within
six hours of going on duty.  Since I haven't *quite* memorized the
duty roster and schedule yet, I have to check.  Got it?"

He straightened up and resumed his cheerful voice, repeating, "You're
K'etrall, right?"

Glaring at the balding man, K'etrall muttered something under her
breath.  "Lt. Sunshine indeed!! You needn't worry, I am off for the
rest of the night."

"Right, then."  He brushed his fingertip across the screen of a
console tucked beneath the bar.  She couldn't see the screen itself.
A second later, he said, "Any particular make or model of the hard
stuff you might be looking for?"

"Just give me something to make me forget. This day has been one
disaster after another." That was the truth and she just wanted to
forget it. If she could.

"Sorry to hear it," he said.  "I've got some stuff that'll definitely
make you forget -- but it only works until you wake up.  After that,
you're on your own."

"I've been on my own for as long as I can remember so I highly doubt
that this will be any different. Just give me what you have and keep
it coming.  Think you can handle that, Mr. Potato Head?" She wasn't
sure where that came from and she usually wasn't so rude but things
were just *off* today and she didn't know why. It was driving her
nuts.

He didn't answer, but disappeared behind the bar, emerging a few
moments later with several different shaped bottles.  He set one down
on the bar, grabbed a shot glass and set it in front of K'etrall, and
poured some pale amber fluid from the bottle still in his hand.

"Let's start with this," he said.  "Boca Negra Platinum.  Best tequila
there is."  He smiled.  "Just one thing.  You start giving anyone else
the kind of lip you're giving me, I bounce you.  They don't deserve it
and I won't allow it in my place."

Looking at the man, K'etrall just smirked. She had to admit he had
guts.  Especially if he thought he would be able to bounce her out of
the bar. She was just in a foul mood and if he couldn't handle it then
perhaps he was in the wrong line of business. Taking the drink she
finished it in one swallow.  She felt the liquid burn as it went down.
At the same time it was smooth.

"Not too bad. Pour me another." Hesitating for a moment she added,
"Please.  Look, I'm not here to give anyone any lip, you included.  I
just want this day to go away. If you can do that then perhaps our
relationship will become more amicable." She wiped her lip with her
sleeve as she waited for another shot.

As he poured another shot of the tequila, an Exo-comp which had built
itself into a spider-like configuration walked along the bar, carrying
a bowl of pretzels in its front pair of legs.  It set them down in
front of K'etrall and continued its walk down the bar.

"Thanks, Hap," the bartender said to it.  "Sorry to hear it's been a
bad day," he repeated to K'etrall. "Had plenty of those myself,
although not too recently, thank the Maker.  Usually when I do, my
cure is to go dancing.  Haven't found any partners around here yet
though."

As the mechanical thing walked past K'etrall and down the bar she
couldn't help but do a double take. She took the shot and downed it in
one gulp.  "I know I am not drunk so I didn't just see some machine
walk past me and leave these pretzels. That was or is some holo
program you have there. Either that or I need something stronger than
this stuff." She shook her head trying to clear it as she continued to
watch the machine on its journey down the bar.

"And I haven't even brought out the absinthe yet," the bartender said
with a grin.  "That was Hap.  He's one of three Exo-Comps who work
with me."

"Exo-Comps? Never heard of them."

The bartender shrugged as he capped the tequila bottle and set it
aside.  He picked up the other bottle he had brought, and filled a
fresh shotglass for K'etrall.  "Tullamore Dew," he said.  He glanced
down the bar.  Hap had produced a cloth from somewhere and was
polishing the brass rails.  "The Exo-Comps are mechanical life-forms."

Looking at the bartender, K'etrall wasn't sure what to say at first,
so she settled for tossing back the shot. She liked to think she was
up to date on mechanical things. But this......this was something
entirely different. "Mechanical life-forms. I think I need another
shot of whatever that is you've been feeding me."

"Irish whiskey," he said, pouring it out.  "Usually I use it for
making Irish coffee, but I think you would prefer it straight for
now."

"Next you will tell me that they are sentient as well."   She tipped
back the shot, thinking, **Sentient mechanical life-forms indeed. What
will they come up with next?  Sentient starships?**

"As a matter of fact, they are," the bartender said.  "Try to tell one
they aren't, they'll get downright offended.  And if the ability to
take offense isn't a good definition of sentience, I don't know what
is."  He picked up K'etrall's shotglass and looked at her.  "I could
ask one of my three to chat with you a while, if you like. Meanwhile,
want to stick with the whiskey or move on?"

"After seeing that thing walk by I think something stronger is in
order.  How can a machine get offended? It's a machine for crying out
loud. Made up of mechanical parts. Isolinear chips, memory chips and
other such components.  I suppose you are going to tell me that they
will understand everything I say and be able to carry on a
conversation with me?" **Do I look that stupid or gullible?**

The bartender's mouth twisted one way, then the other.  He bit his lip
for a moment before saying, "I'm not going to tell you anything.  I'm
just going to go fetch the absinthe.  It has a few ... accessories so
I might be a minute.  In the meantime ..."  he looked out into the
main space of the lounge and called out, "Geisha?  Could you come over
a minute?  The Lieutenant would like to meet you."

He promptly disappeared into the back room, taking the tequila bottle
with him, while another small machine floated across the room and
landed on the bar next to K'etrall.  It turned a photoreceptor toward
her, and chirped.

Turning to look at the machine sitting next to her, K'etrall was
somewhat taken aback. It looked like the damn thing was staring at
her. She turned back to look behind the bar wondering where the
bartender had gone. **If he thinks I am going to talk to a machine and
expect it to answer me he is drunker than I am.**

Hearing the chirp she turned to look at the "Geisha" machine. "Was
that a comment that was directed at me?" **Now I am talking to a
machine. I have truly lost it. Where is that drink?**

The little machine popped open a small hatch in the middle of its
body, and extracted a flat plaque, which it held out toward K'etrall.
She saw it was a small display screen, and a message was scrolling
across it.  It read:

         Yes.  I said hello.

Stunned, K'etrall looked over her shoulder. She wanted to make sure
that no one was watching her make a fool out of herself by talking to
a machine of all things. She had heard of people talking to machines
but not vice versa.  Yet here was this machine.....apparently talking
to her. What she wouldn't give for that drink now.

"Uh, hello. I can't believe I am talking to a machine. You can
understand everything I am saying?"

A new message scrolled across Geisha's display.

         Yes.

"How is that possible?"

         I can think as well as most humanoids can.

"Why haven't I ever heard of you before?" **Good grief I must be going
nuts and if anyone sees me I will deny everything.**

         There are not many of us, and most of us still remain
         at the facility where we were created.  I do not think
         the Federation wants us to be well known.

Meanwhile, the bartender had returned, and was preparing to serve
K'etrall's next drink.  "You might find this interesting," he said.
"Hundreds of years ago, some people thought this stuff would drive you
mad."

"A drink that would make you mad? I already feel as if I am going mad.
I am sitting here talking to a machine and it is actually talking
back. Like it understands me. That alone is enough to drive one mad.
Don't you have that drink ready yet? I have a feeling I am gonna need
it."

"Almost ready.  You'll want to watch this," he said.  "That's half the fun."

Looking at the machine something was itching at the back of K'etrall's
mind.  Something she heard but she couldn't remember from where. It
had to do with some sort of mining facility she thought. "Where
exactly is this facility that you were created?"

         We were created at the mining technology facilities
         on Tyrus VIIa,

read the next message on Geisha's screen.

        Our oldest progenitors, the Triad, were built by Dr. Farallon.

"Ready to see the green fairy?" the bartender asked.

"Green fairy? What kind of drink is that? Sounds almost like a slur of
some sort."

"Nothing of the kind," he assured her.  "In old Earth folklore,
fairies were tiny spirits who embodied various aspects of nature --
wind, rain, flowers.  They were often imagined to be female, with
long, gauzy dresses and insect or butterfly wings."

Looking at the machine -- she still couldn't quite bring herself to
call it by its name -- K'etrall pondered something. "Farallon. That
names sounds familiar. Didn't the android Data have something to do
with you? Him I know about. Exo-comps I'm not so sure."

        It was Data who helped demonstrate that the original
        Triad were sentient.

K'etrall sat there watching as the bartender prepared whatever he had
in store for her.  What that was she didn't know.

He set down in front of her a clear glass which had a long stem, a
spherical bowl at the bottom, and a flaring bowl above.  "This is
absinthe," he said, pouring an emerald green liquid from a bottle into
the glass, until it just filled the spherical part of the bowl.  Then
he set a silver spoon across the top of the glass.  It had a pattern
of slots through it.  He set a cube of sugar onto the spoon.  "With
really good absinthe -- which this is -- you don't really need the
sugar for taste, but it's part of the tradition."  He picked up
another bottle, which was clearly ice cold -- condensation dotted its
surface.

"Now, watch as I pour the ice water in."  He poured from the cold
bottle with a flourish.  A stream of ice water flowed over the sugar
cube, and into the glass.  The absinthe began turning cloudy --
tendrils of milky pale green flowed and swirled through the glass.

Looking at the glass K'etrall blinked a few times. She wasn't sure if
what she was seeing was real or if she was imagining it. First
talking, walking machines and now a drink that produced fairies. "Am I
supposed to drink this or just watch it? I must admit it
is....interesting if nothing else."

Looking at Geisha, she wanted to talk to her, it whatever it was but
wasn't exactly how to go about it without looking totally ridiculous.
"Tell me more about this Farallon and the original Triad. Where are
they now and what are they doing?"

After the drink had finished doing whatever it was doing, K'etrall
looked at the bartender. "I suppose you are going to tell me that I am
going to drink that now."

"That's the idea.  The flavor's rather different, but I think you will like it."

She reached for the glass and held it under her nose sniffing it. She
swirled it around a bit before deciding if she should take a drink or
just set it back down. She still wanted to know more about this
machine in front of her.

Geisha emitted a long, complicated string of beeps and chirps, to
which the bartender was listening closely.  Finally he said, "She says
that telling you about Dr. Farallon and the Triad is a rather long
story, so if it's okay with you, she can send you a text message over
shipboard comm later.  She's going to borrow my account.  Will that be
all right?"

Looking at the drink and then at the machine K'etrall nodded. "That
would be fine. In fact if she is interested she could come down to
Engineering and talk to me there. The choice is hers."  I can't
believe I just invited a machine to talk. Picking up the drink again,
she looked at it and decided it couldn't hurt to drink it. Lifting the
glass to her lips she puckered her nose at the smell and took a small
sip. She let the liquid flow down her throat. It had a sweet taste to
it. "Hmm. Not too bad. I must say you are definitely an interesting
bartender. The previous one didn't know much of anything other than
the usual fare."

"Why, thank you, that's very kind," he said.  "Having just come out of
mixology school, I guess I've been looking forward to putting all that
skill to use."  He was briefly interrupted by a short chatter from
Geisha, who then starting rising into the air on her hoverplate.
"Geisha says she'd be glad to visit you tomorrow down in Engineering."

"You're welcome. I don't give out compliments easily and when I do I
usually mean them. You and your friend here have made this night
bearable. For that I thank you. I have a feeling I will be spending
more time here trying out your handiwork. That is if you don't mind?
As for your friend, tell her she is welcome to come to engineering
tomorrow."

"Come by anytime," he replied.  "Pleasure to make your acqauintance.
My name's Woodward, by the way.  Bobby Woodward.  Let me know if you
hear of anyone who wants to learn how to swing dance, eh?"

Standing, K'etrall felt a little dizzy and grabbed onto the bar to
steady herself. "I do believe that it is time for me to return to my
dull quarters and attempt to get some sleep." Bowing slightly to
Bobby, she turned and slowly made her way out of the bar and back to
her quarters, all the while wondering if if was the drinks that made
her think she had been talking to a machine or if it had really
happened.

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