<USS Avalon> "Eclipse of the Heart"

?Eclipse of the Heart?
by Lieutenant Commander Javan Sierra
& Ensign Caine Reilly McKinsley



Caine walked slowly down the corridor, she did not want to be going to dinner with Javan at all. It had been a few days since the dream and yet Caine could not seem to get it out of her thoughts, it consistently came to mind, even now, walking to the crew lounge, all she could think of was Javan's face in the dream. She got to the doors and looked at them with trepidation.

Finally getting up her courage, she walked in and looked around, silently hoping to not see Javan there. She had no such luck and saw him sitting at a slightly isolated table near the large windows, looking out on the galaxy. Straightening her green, ankle length skirt and white long sleeve blouse, Caine walked as slowly as she could to the table, wishing the entire way she could turn around and run back to her quarters.

His head tilted slightly and he smiled, but the large smile faded into oblivion and a frown crossed his features. He stood slowly and stared at his approaching date; something was different. Her enthusiasm and joy for life had escaped her and there was nothing left to feel but sorrow, despair, and fear. Javan opened his mouth to say something about it, but thought better of it as she slid into the booth opposite of him.

They sat there in silence for a while with nothing to fill the air between them but the stars looming right outside. Javan clasped his hands on the table and waited, his eyes searching frantically for hers. They dodged and darted around the area staring at things that you wouldn't give a second glance. Finally, Javan just couldn't take it anymore. "Caine, is something wrong?"

Caine gasped slightly in surprise at his voice, she had hoped he wouldn't notice her weird mood tonight. Her eyes looked up and met his for only a split second before quickly looking down at an invisible loose thread on her skirt. "Umm, well, I, uh, I, I don't feel so well right now," Caine's voice was low and barely above a whisper. She shrugged her dejected shoulders a bit and continued to refuse to meet Javan's eyes.

"Would you like to order something? Maybe you need something to eat?" Javan's voice was filled with concern - which he had to admit was against his own personality. He thought for a moment about the words that echoed out of his mouth. They weren't lifeless or hollow, but they had a loving tone to them and it was a new feeling to Javan. "Or, if you'd like, we can just do this another time."

Caine bit her lower lip and her brow wrinkled slightly, she was extremely nervous about asking to leave, she remembered all those past punishments for begging to leave the table or to be alone. Looking up a bit at Javan, but still not meeting his eyes, she nodded her head, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble; I would like to go to my quarters and possibly do this another night." Her voice was even lower this time and it trembled slightly and she felt a pang that she may be doing something wrong.

Javan wasn't entirely upset. The world and galaxy as he knew it wasn't about to come tumbling down around him in shattered remnants of what he had known and that it wouldn't ever be again. He was disappointed that he'd not get to spend time with this wonderful woman. "That's fine with me. Can I walk you back to your quarters?"

Caine closed her eyes and chewed on her lower lip a bit more furiously; she didn't want to be mean and tell him no, but she was scared of him. What if the dream became a reality for her again? She could not handle another relationship like the past one with her betrothed. Pushing her hair out of her face a bit she decided. Even though she was scared of him and did not wish to be alone with him, he had been such the perfect gentleman and so nice to her up till then, she should give him the benefit of the doubt.

Nodding slightly, she said, "if it wouldn't be, ummm, to much a trouble, then yes, I, uhh, I would like for you to walk me back." It had taken Caine a lot to say those words and she just hoped that Javan didn't try to touch her on the way. She was unsure of how she would react and did not want to make a fool of herself or Javan, or to let anyone know the truth about her past.

By this point Javan couldn't just sense that something was wrong - it was hitting him like a flood. She was scared of him; mortified even. He stood and offered his arm to her with that gentlemanly suave that he did so well and they walked back to her quarters. She was trembling and shaking all the way, and her eyes continued their frantic pattern from bulkheads to the floors and back again.

He was partially relieved when her quarters came up and she stood at the door with her eyes still filled with apprehension. "Caine, are you OK? You're not yourself."

Nodding she spoke quietly again, hating that it was empty, "I'm just feeling a little sick is all, sir, I just need some sleep, and I'll be fine." Caine cursed herself quietly at slipping back into her old self, she hated acting like this, hated being scared, but she just didn't know what to do, she could handle being around other people, even other men, it was just Javan that had her feeling this way. Cursing her past and her dream, she wished that she could just be rid of her thoughts.

Javan lifted a hand to caress her face.

Caine shrank back into herself ? fear all over her face at the sight of Javan's hand ? she fully expected to get hit and braced for the hit.

He stopped and looked into her eyes, almost forcing her to gaze into his. "Caine, what's wrong?"

Tears began their course down the sides of her face; she wanted to speak to tell this man who had been so wonderful and caring everything. To let him know the truth and to be able to get past the dream that had her so frightened, but words just wouldn't get past her throat as she began to cry harder. Knowing she was making a fool of herself and hating her reaction to everything, she ran into her quarters and dropped dejectedly onto her floor next to her bed, her shoulders slumped but still shaking hard as sobs racked through her body.

The sobbing woman disappeared from his sight. His heart pounded in his chest in a blend of concern and curiosity. Javan was, in fact, receiving a rush of emotions and it was more than he'd ever had to try and decipher before. It was more then he could handle. Against his better judgment he pressed the door chime hoping that she'd allow him in to see her. He didn't, though, want to look like a mad man or stalker pounding at the innocent lady's door while onlookers passed by while constantly throwing questioning glances his way.

"Caine! Let me in!" The only thing he could distinguish in the random flood of thoughts and feelings of fear was the basic fact that she was afraid. Afraid of him.

Caine laid crumpled on the floor, she could hear her door chime going off but could not here Javan standing out there yelling for her, over her own sobs. She wanted so badly to open that door and let Javan in, but her fear stopped her. What if he's like the Baron? The question kept running through her mind. Caine did not want Javan to be like her ex-betrothed, she wanted to be able to open up to this man, but she was just so scared too.

Getting desperate he slumped against the door and sat there alone with his own thoughts. He tried as hard as he could to push away the stares from those staring at him. Javan was concerned for the damsel in distress behind those closed doors, but it wasn't his grounds to barge in and ask what was going on. He could, of course, deactivate the door locks and go in. What would that accomplish other than possibly aggravate the situation.

He mustered up all his calmness and brought himself back into a peaceful place of serenity. Gulping in a deep breath he did what he thought he had to do, "Computer, override security restriction on this door and open. Authorization Sierra Epsilon Theta Two." The doors parted with an acknowledging beep from the computer. Javan stepped into the counselor's quarters the doors hissed closed quietly behind him. "Caine."

Her sobs had lessened slightly, but her shoulders were still shaking from her more silent weeping and she was still lying on the floor where she had fallen. She did not know Javan had walked into her quarters, had not even heard him speak her name.

Javan walked up to the sobbing and hysterical woman and knelt down beside her. Her sobs had diminished into spasms of her lungs and the tears hadn't stopped. He placed a gentle hand upon her shoulder and, as softly as he could, whispered into her ear, "Caine."

Her entire body stiffened at the feel of a hand on her shoulder, but the voice that came was gentle and soothing. Turning her head, Caine's red-rimmed, blood shot eyes came in to connect with Javan's brown eyes. She couldn't help herself, but once it registered in her mind who these eyes belonged to, she tried to move herself away from him, but was hindered by the bed at her back. Feeling as though there was no way out for her, Caine did the only thing she could think of. With her eyes tightly closed and trepidation causing her voice to tremble, she spoke softly, "please, don't hurt me. I'm sorry for anything I have done and I promise to fix it immediately, just please don't hurt me."

"Caine? What are you talking about? You know I'd never hurt you." He sat there and crossed his legs and sat in front of her with his hands carefully placed on his knees. Javan lost himself in the brief moment of silence and an awkward aura descended upon them for the second time that evening. "What ever gave you the impression that I would, in any way, raise a hand or do anything to harm you?"

Her eyes shot open at his calming voice and she looked as closely at him as she dared. His questions jarred her and she began to bit her lower lip again as she thought about what he had just asked. Still very scared, Caine sat up a bit. Closing her eyes again, both in the fear she still felt towards this man and embarrassment at her past, she let herself truly open her mouth and speak. "Because it has happened before and I dreamed that you had," her words were just barely audible and she hung her head despairingly once she finished.

"You're a counselor, Caine. You should know, more than anyone else that serves on this ship, that dreams aren't reality and nor are they going to come to pass. I would in no way, shape, or form hurt you." He reached forward and placed a caressing hand on the side of her face and leaned in and kissed her. "You can trust me on that."

Javan's lips felt wonderful against her own and they brought back the feelings she had for him before the dream. Leaning forward slightly, she just lightly kissed him again; it was a small brush of her lips on his. Pulling back she looked into his eyes, as her fear began to melt away. "I know; I know that dreams are not reality, but it is very hard to separate such a dream from real life. Please forgive me."

Grabbing her chin with his index and middle finger he tilted it up so he could gaze into her eyes. "Never would I hurt something so beautiful and pure." Javan again brought their lips together to meet in a bout of passion, but this time the feeling was more intense and so was the kiss. They stayed there for a moment, interlocked in love, and then hesitantly Javan broke the perfection that they'd slipped into. "Don't apologize."

Caine looked at Javan with a hunger in her eyes she herself did not understand. She wanted that kiss back, but was unsure if Javan would welcome it, he had been the one to pull away; maybe he had not enjoyed it as much as she had. Caine simply nodded her head at Javan's words and let her eyes drop to the floor again.

"When you're ready for a man in your life, let me know." With those words said and hanging in the air, he turned and started for the door - content to walk out of them forever and to not look back.

"When you're ready for a man in your life, let me know." With those words said and hanging in the air, he turned and started for the door - content to walk out of them forever and to not look back. He stopped as the doors once again hissed to life. Javan turned his head to Caine. She was still staring into the floor. He sighed heavily and left.


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