<USS Avalon> Decisions

Decisions
by Lieutenant First Class Elissabeth Marksbury and Junior Lieutenant James 
Monroe
 
Monroe was waiting at her door when she arrived from duty.  He had been pacing 
back and forth, but stopped abruptly when he saw her.
 
"Lissi!" the relief on his face was evident.  She blinked in surprise and he 
suddenly found himself nervous.   "I..um...was hoping to talk to you 
and...expected you to get off duty sooner.  I just waited."
 
Her face gave nothing away.  She just looked tired.
 
"Can we talk a minute?" he asked as she opened the door.
 
"Come in."
 
James was surprised to see a dirty cup on the table and Lissi's bed unmade.  
There were also some clothes lying across the bed.  Not messy by most people's 
standards, but he had been here several times and it was never less than 
immaculate.
 
Noticing his scrutiny, Lissi began picking things up and making her bed, though 
it hurt something awful.  Her muscles ached and she sported several new 
bruises, thanks to the previous night's efforts.  She tried not to let the pain 
show, but James was too observant.
 
He walked over and gently pulled the covers out of her hands.  He sat down on 
the bed and reached for her to sit next to him.  She hesitated.  
 
"Please Liss, just sit and talk to me."  He reached for her hand and she sat 
down gingerly beside him. Her backside was nice and bruised as well.
 
James looked at her in earnest, willing the words he had practiced to come out 
of his mouth right.  "I'm so sorry for upsetting you or making you angry, 
crossing a line - whatever it was that I did.  The thought of having you mad at 
me is driving me crazy.  I never wanted to see that look in your eye - that one 
that says I screwed something up and hurt you.  Please believe me."
 
Her face remained impassive.  "I believe you."  The words were so quiet he 
almost didn't hear them.  He breathed a sigh of relief, then she continued 
with, "But I don't think we should see each other anymore."  It felt like 
someone punched him in the stomach.
 
"What?"
 
"You heard me."
 
"I know, but...I just didn't expect...I mean, I knew I made you mad, but..."  
He ran his hand through his hair,  "Will you at least tell me why - 
specifically?"
 
"Because you distract me, James.  I like you too much and my mind isn't on my 
work like it should be.  If I had never been playing around in the holodeck 
then -," she paused a moment, deciding that wasn't the direction she wanted 
this conversation to go.  "I just think it's best if I keep my mind focused 
where it should be - on work."
 
He was at a loss for words.  "Liss-" he started to protest, but thought better 
of it.  He wasn't gonna push her for something she didn't want - or said she 
didn't want, anyway.  But he was going to find out what was wrong with her.
 
Reaching to smooth a strand of hair from her face, he told her, "I - guess I 
can accept that.  I don't want to accept it, but I will respect your decision.  
I care about you too much not to. But I can't, as your friend, walk out of here 
without finding out why you're hurt - physically, I mean - and why you look so 
tired.  You didn't have to beat up a Rydyn did you?"
 
In spite of herself, Lissi smiled a little.  "No, I didn't beat up a Rydyn.  I 
doubt I would be in this much pain if I did.  I had a hard time sleeping last 
night, so I worked out a bit on the holodeck.  It's no big deal.  I just 
overdid it a little.  I look tired because I had a long day.  I've been working 
on a project to -"  She stopped, realising that he had gotten her talking again.
 
"A project to what?  Tell me what it is you security people get to do while I'm 
stuck over in tactical bored out of my mind."
 
"No, James.  I think you should probably leave.  I'm gonna take a hot shower 
and hope to loosen these muscles up some."  She stood signaling for him to go.
 
He stood and faced her, desparately not wanting to leave.  "You know that I'm 
only leaving because you asked me to, right?  I don't want to, Liss.  Not for 
anything else in the world."  He leaned down and kissed her gently, before she 
could protest.  
 
Lissi couldn't help but respond.  She knew what her head told her, but it was 
so nice having him here.  And she didn't have to be alone with her thoughts.  
She found herself giving into her fears again, wanting him to stay.  All the 
reasons for telling him to go were still there - the need to work this out on 
her own, the distractions, the last time she got scared and leaned on someone, 
she messed up his life - but she just couldn't let go.  He was kind and caring. 
 She was needy and undeniably attracted to him...
 
She leaned into the kiss, letting James hold her - letting him take care of her 
for just a moment.
 
"Does this mean I can stay?" he whispered.
 
Her fears and emotions begged her to say yes.  But she couldn't betray herself. 
 She knew what was best.
 
"No."


                
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