<USS Avalon> =/\= Commitments, part one =/\=

=/\= Commitments, part one =/\=
A joint log from Dr. El-Kainah Ngaio and Yeoman Miriam Francher


El had been having a hard time lately. He remembered everything that had gone 
on aboard ship a few weeks ago and was having trouble reconciling it in his 
mind. He decided he wanted to go see Miri about it. Especially since it was in 
part about her. Arriving at the door to her quarters, he reached out and 
pressed her chime.

Miriam remembered everything rather well herself, and felt like a right fool 
for carrying on with her roommate. Everything had been different, but that was 
no excuse to jump into bed with Siobhan just because she was pretty, and 
willing, and neither of them had anything better to do with their time. In 
fact, 
Miri had been avoiding both Siobhan and El since things returned to 
more-or-less normal. Avoiding Siobhan because she was embarrassed. Avoiding El 
because 
she was ashamed.

When the chime rang, she was studying and picking at her dinner. "Come in," 
she called.

El came into the room. It was darkened, with just a single light over the 
eating table where Miri was studying. "Hi," he said quietly. "Am I disturbing 
you?"

He was, but not in the way he meant. His presence woke in her the feelings 
that had lain dormant for weeks. "No," she responded, pushing her PADD and 
plate 
aside. "Have a seat; can I get you anything to drink? A snack?"

"No, thank you. I wanted to talk to you," he said. "Actually," he corrected, 
"I was hoping you would come and talk to me, but I don't want to wait any more 
for that."

"Sorry," she murmured, and looked into his eyes. All the feelings came 
rushing to the surface and a thread of melody drifted around them, twining like 
an 
affectionate cat. "I didn't know what to say... it was easier not to say 
anything."

"It was very confusing at first," he started seemingly in the middle. "It was 
like a dream."

"Like a nightmare, almost," Miri agreed.

"I was having trouble," he said. "It was like I knew it wasn't right but it 
was at the same time, you know?" he asked.

The music shifted. "I know. And I behaved like an idiot, even though I knew I 
was being one," Miriam confessed. At least it was out in the open.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually," he told her. "I know 
that you and Siobhan were lovers there. But I wanted to ask, why?" He paused 
and before she could go on he felt the need to elaborate on his question. "I 
mean, you seemed so adamant about waiting with us, even though we were both 
attracted to each other. You didn't want to get into a physical relationship 
and 
yet... you and Siobhan. I mean, that was all I heard about from her there. Miri 
this and Miri that... and how great you two were together."

"I wish I knew," said Miri honestly. "It was like -- I was me, and I knew I 
was me, and that what I was doing wasn't something I really, deep down, wanted 
to do. But at the same time, I wasn't me. I was a different person. And that 
different person seemed to win out."

"Strange, huh?" he said. He was still standing near the table. He hadn't made 
a move to sit or anything. He wasn't really sure why. "It's hard to talk 
about," he admitted. "I mean, I don't think I have ever been jealous before. At 
least not like that."

"Oh, God..." She turned her face away. "Oh, El. I... you know I never would 
have done anything on purpose to hurt you." Even though she wasn't looking at 
him, her sincerity was plain, her emotions blending into his in that incredible 
communication that seemed to happen spontaneously whenever they were 
together.

"I know, and I know it wasn't really you either," he told her. "I knew that 
at the time, really, but it's like you said. It's confusing."

Miriam turned back to look at him, and stood up, holding out her hands. 
Wondering if he would take them.

El smiled at her. He loved her, he hadn't told her yet, but he did. He wasn't 
sure how to tell her so. He took her hands and smiled. "You've been so quiet 
lately. I've missed you, Miri," he told her gently.

Her hands tightened on his just a little. "I've missed you, too," she said. 
Then suddenly asked, "Can we go to your quarters? Instead of talking here?"

"You worried about Siobhan coming back in?" he asked.

"A little," she admitted, "but mostly it's that you have a couch and I 
don't." She wanted to sit beside him, close, and cuddle up to him. She wanted 
to 
tell him to make love to her before she lost her nerve. But all she said was, 
"It's a comfy couch, too."

He smiled, "Sure, we can if you'd like. You want to bring your books with 
you?" he asked.

She scooped them into a duffle that already held a clean change of clothing 
-- gym clothes, but that was all right. "I'm ready to move in," she tried to 
joke.

"Move in?" he asked surprised. Truthfully, he wouldn't have objected to the 
idea but she hadn't wanted to before. He had more questions, but he wanted to 
be sure they would be left alone before asking them.

"Just kidding," Miriam assured him, and took his hand again. "Though... maybe 
not for always," she added softly.

He laughed. "Let's go," he told her. "I think Siobhan is going to be off work 
soon."

In his quarters, Miri left her duffle just inside the door and headed for the 
comfy couch. "There's so much I'm not sure how to say," she admitted. "Some 
Communicator I am, huh?"

El smiled, "It's OK, Miri," he told her. "You can tell me anything you want." 
He indicated the couch. "Come on, let's sit down," he offered.

She sat snuggled close to him, positioning his arm around her shoulders. The 
wisp of music that had followed them through the corridor increased slightly 
in volume, dancing around them. It was no longer her perception of him -- it 
had become a song that blended their two selves together. "I've missed you so 
much," she whispered.

"I've missed you too," he told her. "But I am confused, Miri."

"I'm sorry I pulled away," Miriam apologized. "What confuses you, El?" She 
had to bite back her impulse to address him as my love.
.
"Well, before, you weren't interested in any physical relationship... and 
then you and Siobhan in the other reality, or whatever it was, and now... it 
just 
seems like you are more interested. Or am I reading you wrong?" he asked.

"I have always been interested," she explained. "But I was afraid -- mostly 
afraid you weren't ready to stop playing the field. That asking you for a 
commitment would be robbing you of something important to you." Her hand came 
up, 
her fingertips brushing gently over his cheek and lips. "But... you said you 
were jealous, El. Does that mean you're ready to make a commitment?"

"I was before, Miri," he told her. "That's why I am confused."

Her eyes locked on his, and her mind opened fully and consciously to him. 
Giving him access to her thoughts as well as her feelings. I love you, El. I 
don't want to be without you.

He smiled at her. ~~I love you too, Miri~~ He blushed slightly. "I do love 
you, Miri."

She didn't wonder, afterward, how she suddenly came to be on his lap, as the 
music rose to a tender crescendo. Her arms were around his neck, and her lips 
met his, moistly and gently.

He returned the kiss softly, and tenderly. Lovingly. They kissed for long 
moments -- finally kissing after wanting to for so long, El thought it was 
another dream.

~~Are we ready for more...?~~ she asked silently as the kiss softly came to a 
natural conclusion.

~~More?~~ he asked silently not sure if it meant what he thought it did. "Are 
you asking me to... " he asked with a tone of wonder.

"I have loved you forever," Miriam whispered. "I will love you forever. I 
want to make love. Please... before I lose my resolve?" She laid her head on 
his 
shoulder, letting him feel her desire for him.

"Miri, are you sure?" he asked her. "I thought you wanted to wait."

"I only wanted to wait for a commitment to our relationship," she told him 
quietly. "If you're ready to make that commitment, I'm ready to share myself 
with you. I don't need a legal document, when our minds and hearts are so open 
to 
one another."

He leaned in and kissed her and picked her up at the same time. ~~Oh Miri,~~ 
he said silently as he carried her to his bed.

== to be continued ==

Other related posts: