<USS Avalon> "Awareness" Skyler & Melanie Redgrave

"Awareness"
Skyler & Melanie Redgrave    
 
For some reason Melanie had been on Skyler's mind, and she really wanted to  
find out what it was that was causing this feeling. The last time they had  
talked things hadn't gone as well as Skyler had hoped. Hopefully it will be  
different this time. She changed out of her uniform, putting on some workout  
clothes, that were much more comfortable, (not the raggedy sweats), and  
proceeded to make her way to Melanie's quarter's.

Melanie sat curled into the end of her sofa. She had "The Calming  of 
Sleeping Beauty" in one hand and a long red licorice whip in the other.  
Melanie 
moaned lightly as she read the chapters about Beauty, the Queen, and the  Lady 
and 
wondered for a moment why she'd given up her fondness for Anna Rice.  I 
should let Vevay read these. 


Standing  outside of Melanie's quarter's, Skyler swore she heard moaning and 
thought that  perhaps she should leave and come back another time. She thought 
that Eli was on  duty perhaps she was wrong. What's the worse than can 
happen? She rang  the chime and waited for the command allowing her to enter.

The sound of the chime cut rudely into one of the  better parts and Melanie 
glared harshly at the door. Tucking her book mark into  the book, she slipped 
it under the couch cushion, and then called out. "Come  in." 

The doors opened and Skyler walked in to find  her sister curled up on the 
couch eating of all things red licorice. "So, is  the book any good and why 
hide 
it? You're a big girl now as you are so fond of  telling me?" How are you 
feeling today, anymore upset  stomachs?"

"Stay out of my head,  Skyler." Melanie warned. "And I wasn't hiding it, I 
simply put it away since I  had no idea how was at my door." She held out the 
small bag of candy. "Yeah, but  it's not as bad. Anna's giving me a different 
hypo that's made it better but  it's still hanging around." 

"But getting in  your head is part of who we are. Besides it keeps you on 
your feet. It's not  like I got anything exciting out of you? I'm glad that the 
new medication is  helping some." She better get used to me in her head just as 
I
have to get  used to her... "I just thought I would drop by since the last 
time we talked  it didn't end all that great."

Melanie looked up at her sister and sighed. "It didn't end so  great because 
you wouldn't agree to stay out of my blood head. Being sisters  doesn't give 
you the right to invade my thoughts." 

"Apparently  being your sister doesn't give me much rights at all." Looking 
at the bag of  licorice, "How can you eat that crud?"

"I stick a chunk in my mouth and then use my teeth to chew it up  and then I 
swallow it." Melanie replied with a smirk. 

Sitting on the end of the couch opposite Melanie, Skyler picked up  a pillow 
and threw it at her sister. "There is no need to be a smart ass!"  

Melanie laughed as she picked up the same  pillow and hurled it back at 
Skyler. "Don't make me tell Georgia that your  picking on me!"  

"Ooh now I'm really  scared! You know Georgia isn't gonna do anything. 
Besides you started it."  Looking around she could see more and more of Eli in 
Melanie's quarter's.  

"You don't know for sure that she  wouldn't." Melanie teased. "She said she 
use to have to "wear you out" all the  time for misbehaving." Melanie laughed 
until she noticed that Skyler was  checking the place out. "What?"  

"That's all ancient  history and she knows better now. What? A person can't 
look around anymore? I  gotta spend all my time here staring at you eating 
that...that disgusting crud?"  

Melanie whacked her sister with the candy.  "You can look all you want but 
what's with the odd look?" 

"Hey! Watch want you're doing with that stuff. What odd look, I  always look 
like this, except when I am in my "academy sweats" that you love so  much." It 
was good to be able to joke around with her sister, she didn't'  realize how 
much she had missed it.  

Melanie took her own look around her cabin  and then sighed. "He's all but 
moved in. It's a natural thing when your having  someone's child, and when 
you'll be their wife, for that person to make himself  at home in your space." 

"Hmm, he  finally did the right thing. So, are you so subtly telling me that 
he  finally asked you to marry him? All without any prodding from me. Does he 
make  you happy, really happy Sunni?"

"Yes he does." She answered simply. 
"You only answered one question missy. Are you going to answer the other  
one?" why is she acting so afraid to tell me...

Melanie held up her left hand in response. 
Looking Skyler could see the  ring on Melanie's hand. What she couldn't 
figure out is why all the sudden she  was being so secretive about it. "I am 
happy 
for you Melanie. I really  am."

"But?" She asked as she  finally put her candy on the table and turned so she 
was facing Skyler. 

"But what?"
"Your happy for me but.." 

"There is not  but....?" Not that she was going to tell Melanie anyway.

"There is no  but....?"  

Melanie got up and walked over to her tea  kettle. "Fine don't tell me." 

Getting up  Skyler followed Melanie to the tea kettle. "Don't tell you what? 
What do you  think I am hiding?"

"Forget it."  Melanie replied as she turned the kettle on. 

Skyler put her  hand on Melanie's shoulder and turned her around. "Look at 
me. What am I  supposed to be hiding from you and what am I supposed to  
forget?"

"I don't know." Melanie  said softly. "It just felt like you were holding 
back something, how you felt or  something." 

Skyler pulled Melanie close to her. "Little  sister, when are you going to 
learn that I only want what is going to make you  happy. How I feel or don't 
feel is not important. What is important is how you  feel. You are all that 
matters
to me, other than Georgia and  Elissabeth."

"I don't want there to  be any bad stuff between you and him. He's going to 
be my husband, my child's  father, and your my sister." 

"Who said  anything about any bad stuff? As long as he makes you happy that 
is all that  matters. How many times do I have to drum it into that thick skull 
of yours?"  Who am I kidding, I know he makes her happy, but I also know that 
I
am  back to being essentially alone again. 

Your not alone, Skyler. I'm not going to push you out of my life  because I 
have more people in it. 
Skyler looked at Melanie, "Now who is getting inside who's  head?"

"I can't help myself!" She  stomped her foot. "I have no training." Melanie 
blew her sister a raspberry. "I  wish you'd believe me when I say I'd never 
push you away." 

"Oh  no you don't, you're not getting away with that excuse or throwing a 
tantrum.  You can help yourself or you would've been in my head long before 
now. 
If it's  training you want I will give it to you. As for believing you aren't 
go
push  me away, I believe that you think that won't happen. I also know you 
care about  me, and I know that he makes you happy. I don't know how to explain 
the rest,  even to myself."  

Melanie sighed and tried to remember what  their mother had said about it 
taking time. "You make me happy to Skyler." 

"I hope so, but that is not what is important. As long as you are  happy with 
Eli then everything else is okay." How do I tell you how I really  feel 
without hurting you or causing a distance to develop more so than it  already 
has...

"How would you  hurt me?" Melanie asked knowing that the only way she was 
going to get answers  was to keep listening to her sister's thoughts. 

I had a  feeling given enough time or a good enough reason you would figure 
out how to  get in my head. "You have to remember that I grew up and spent most 
of my  adult life thinking I had no family, nobody but Georgia. Then out of 
no where  you appeared and forced me to remember things I had forgotten. Now 
you have  found a husband and are going to have a baby, that is something that 
is very  difficult for me to handle or deal with. You just came back into my 
life and now  I have to share you. I don't know if I want or can do that. I 
know 
it makes no  sense to you at all, hell I am not sure it makes any sense to 
me. All I know is  your life is now going to be centered around Eli and the 
baby 
as 
it should  be." Skyler had to stop for a moment to regain her thoughts and  
composure.

"I guess I don't  understand." Melanie simply replied. 

"Look at it  like this, you grew up with a loving family who only wanted the 
best for you,  they made sure you had everything you needed to have a full 
life. Now as an  adult, you are now in the same position that they were in. You 
are going to make  sure that this baby has every thing it needs to have a full 
life. There is  already a distance between us that wasn't there before. We 
used to talk more  often, see each other more, where now that has changed. You 
spend all your free  time with Eli as you should. It doesn't mean I love you 
any 
less or care about  you any less. In my warped mind, it's as if someone is 
dangling something very  special in front of my face and is going to whisk it 
away at any moment. That is  what is hard for me to handle." 

"But I'm not going anywhere Skyler!" There were tears in Melanie's  eyes. 

Skyler leaned over to wipe the tears away, "Oh  baby, I know you aren't going 
any where. I wasn't going to tell you but I have  started to see the new 
counselor in order to try and sort things out in my own  head. I feel like I 
barely 
got to know you, no, I never got to really know  you, and now there is 
someone who knows you better than I ever have or will. I  suppose you could say 
I am 
envious or jealous of that." Now there were tears in  Skyler's eye's but she 
turned away from Melanie so she wouldn't see  them.
"He knows me differently Skyler, not better." Her voice was suddenly so soft. 
 "We still have time to get to know each other."

"He knows you  differently and he does know you better. He probably knows 
more about  your life growing up in England than I do, as well as other things. 
He is your  confidant, your friend, and your lover. I can only say that you are 
my  sister and I barely know you. If you really stop and think about you will 
see  that what I am saying is true. It doesn't make you, him or even me a bad 
person.  I just miss the chance I had when you first came aboard, to get to 
know you.  That chance is gone now. As you said before, we start from scratch 
at getting to  know each other. But I want to know the sister I lost, the 
sister that I thought  was dead because of me, the sister who supposedly hit me 
with a stupid teddy  bear. I want to know everything about Soliel, everything 
I missed." 

"I would be happy to tell you about my  life growing up but every time I 
bring it up you get mad at me." Melanie turned  the tea kettle off and started 
to 
steep two cups of tea. "How can I tell you  about my life when you get all 
snitty when I bring up my Mum or London or any of  that?" 

"Ok, I will give you that. I have not been the  most receptive when it comes 
to your mum or London. But you have to remember at  that time you were calling 
our mother by her given name and calling Mrs.  Redgrave your mother. That 
hurt which is why I got so defensive. It's not the  best excuse but it's the 
only 
one I have. I am sorry. We both went through a  great deal to find each other 
and now it's like that fleeting moment is gone."  Tears were now flowing down 
Skyler's face. Damn you, can't you understand  that I want what I missed, I 
want the real thing, not just words or stories. I  want to reverse time so we 
can start all over as if nothing happened. Make it so  nothing happened...
Melanie froze and just started at Skyler. Like it was in my dream. 
Like what dream....?

"A few  nights ago. It was just an odd dream, ya know the what if type." 
Melanie picked  up her tea cup and walked over to her couch and sat down. She 
looked down at the  caffeine free herbal tea. "I hope you know Poppet that 
Mummy 
really misses her  earl grey." 

"You mean the dream where you are a Colonel  and I am a measly Lt. and CMO. A 
dream where al we did was talk in our heads and  our parents were still 
alive. That kind of dream?"

Melanie blinked. 

"You had the  same dream didn't you?"

She nodded.  "What the blood hell?" 

"You made fun  of my sweats, were in love with Ronni and took it upon 
yourself to look out for  me, even though I was the older one."

"Now you and I had the same dream?" Three people having the  same dream? 
"That's bloody impossible." 

"Who else  had this same dream? Even if it was a dream it's what I want now 
but can't have.  I want that Soliel back." 

"I  can't tell you who else." Melanie replied. "But Skyler, I was never that 
Soliel  to begin with." 

Looking at Melanie with tears running down her  face Skyler didn't know what 
to say. "You may not have been that Soliel,  but we were sister's from the get 
go, and nothing came between us. Not even  sound. That is what I miss. I miss 
being able to talk to you across a  crowded room like a secret language, I 
miss that our parents are dead, I miss  watching you grow up. I miss it all." 
That's why this mission scares the hell  out of me

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