<USS Avalon> "Against the Current"

Against the Current
Lieutenant Commander Elissabeth Marksbury
and Lieutenant First Class Joshua Garrity



Mac got up to use the restroom, feeling as though he were going to explode, 
having waited to go until he was sure Josh was asleep. No sooner had the door 
closed between them, than Josh was up and out of the room. 

Mac came out of the bathroom and swore, bolting out the door. He looked up and 
down the deck to no avail. There was no sign of him anywhere.

"Joshua Garrity has left his quarters," the computer alerted Elissabeth, 
startling her from the PADD she was reading. She had asked the computer to 
update her hourly on the whereabouts of Lt. Garrity and notify her of any 
changes.

"What is his proximity to Patrick McEntire?"

"Sixty meters."

He wasn't with Mac, that meant he could possibly be working now, but she had 
his schedule committed to memory and he wasn't supposed to be. 

"Computer, exact location of Joshua Garrity." 

The computer responded promptly, "Lieutenant Garrity is in Jeffries Tube 214."

Elissabeth stood and headed towards the door. Then a sudden thought seized her. 
Garrity knew she'd be watching him and he was smart. Very smart. "Computer, 
locate Joshua Garrity using his bio signs alone." 

"Joshua Garrity is in EC ventilation turnout three."

"Mm-hmm. Gotcha." She stepped over to the console on her desk and asked the 
computer how to get there. It displayed everything out for her. Elissabeth kept 
tabs on him as she made her way to the ventilation shafts after accessing one 
of the Jeffries Tubes with more than a little trouble. 

Josh, in the meantime, had ceased to move. He sat quietly, collecting his 
thoughts there in the small turnout. 

It took over half an hour before she found him and by the time she got there, 
Elissabeth was out of breath and sweat was beading on her brow. Spying Josh 
just up ahead, she crawled over to sit near him. After she caught her breath, 
she smiled sweetly, "I hope you're not always this hard to find when something 
breaks." 

Josh glanced up at her, his expression lost. After a moment, it seemed as 
though what she'd said had sunken in. Slowly he shook his head, his brows 
darting up to hide behind his thick curls. "Something broke?"

"Only you and me, kiddo," she answered quietly. 

He sighed, his gaze returning to his boottops, fairly certain she was right.

"I wasn't just being kind when I said I was here to listen. Or just sit." 

He glanced up at her,a hint of tears flashing in his eyes before he lowered his 
head again to obscure them behind his bangs. He gave the slightest nod, but 
still said nothing. 

Elissabeth settled in just a little more comfortably. Well, as comfortable as 
one could get in such a small space anyway. "Starting to feel like people are 
taking over your life?" she asked after a several minute pause. She could only 
imagine how everyone's good intentions must look to him, even hers. 

He shrugged slightly at that. He was used to someone else controlling things. 
He just wasn't sure he cared enough to fight anymore. 

Instead of pushing, Elissabeth just sat there in companionable silence, taking 
the time to reflect upon her own actions of the past few days, even weeks. The 
silence was nice, but the best part was that it wasn't a lonely silence. 

Noticing she appeared more than a bit uncomfortable, Josh shifted farther to 
the left until he was almost against the wall, making more room for her in the 
turnout.

"You didn't have to move. I'm fine right here, but thanks." 

He gave her barely a glance as he nodded, but didn't move back to where he was 
in case she decided she wanted the room. 

Stretching out just a little, she waited a few more minutes before trying 
again. "Your little decryption displays were quite impressive." 

He glanced up and smiled slightly.

"I'm glad you're on my side," Lissi smiled back. "Actually, I'd like you on my 
side more often, but I didn't know what you'd think about it." 

He looked at her curiously. "More on your side?" he asked, his tone so quiet it 
failed to carry beyond her.

"Yeah, as in come work for Covert Ops on the side. We could really use you." 

He looked stunned. Covert Ops? Him? Slowly he shook his head. "I'll...help...if 
you need me...but...I can't...I'm sorry." he told her. He couldn't explain why 
that wouldn't work, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't.

"Well, you certainly have the security clearances for it, I don't see why you 
can't, but it's your choice." Pulling her knees up to her chest, Lissi rested 
her chin on top of them. "Would you tell me why?" 

He considered it a moment. She was covert ops. Maybe part of it. Except, 
somehow, he couldn't see it. Couldn't find it in her, no matter how he looked. 
There was a lot there. Confusion. Pain. Deception. But not like that. After a 
moment, he nodded again. "It would....open doors, I think...better left 
closed." sighing deeply he added, even more quietly. "Especially now."

"How's that?" she asked almost as softly as Josh himself spoke. 

He considered how to explain, the words coming with difficulty, as they always 
did when he used standard. "The ones...who destroyed them... sent us away...who 
looked for us...," he paused, the pain in his quiet voice clear as he went on," 
who found him..." 

The sound of his voice nearly broke her heart, but instead of saying anything, 
she just nodded encouragement, hoping he'd continue and it would all make 
sense. 

He drew a breath, leaning his head back against the wall. "They...found us...in 
the ruins..." he began quietly, "but they... shouldn't have. They ...weren't 
supposed to. "

"The ruins where?" 

Nearly inaudible came the reply, "Turner Colony."

"Who found you, Josh?

"Captain Hale...only...he wasn't ....a captain yet. Not yet..."

"Found you and Zachary?" She chanced saying his name, having seen it in his 
profile. She pieced together some of the story, but most of it was still so 
classified that even she couldn't get through it. The colony that he lived in 
had been destroyed and Josh and his brother Zack were the only two survivors, 
having been rescued by Jonathon Hale. The details got sketchy again, then were 
completely blacked out in reference to what happened to Josh and Zack prior to 
Josh joining Starfleet. It still didn't make much sense to her. 

"He was...just a baby...so tiny..."

"And you took care of him," she said, drawing the most natural conclusion she 
could. Responsibility. Death weighs heaviest on those who feel the 
responsibility. 

He nodded silently, wiping angrily at the tear that dared slide down his cheek. 
"Until I was posted. He was...there...at the Academy..."

"What happened at the Academy?" It hurt to see him like this, but obviously he 
needed to say it to truly believe it all. To stop internalizing everything. 

Josh searched for the words to explain, though he wasn't sure he wanted to. Not 
yet. Still, he'd begun, and so he continued. "He...trained..as a linguist...a 
comm tech...very bright..." The tear came again unbidden, and he blew out a 
breath in frustration. His jaw clenching, he continued. "He...they...put 
him...in a fighter....training exercises....no live ammo...except there was..."

Swallowing thickly to hear the anguish in his voice, Lissi reached out her hand 
to him but didn't touch him. It was more of an invitation for friendship. 

Before he could go on further, he heard a voice beyond Lissi. "Why the hell 
can't you hide in the lounge like everyone else?" Mac quipped, struggling to 
fit his frame in the tight space in which they hid.

Elissabeth winced with the voice and shot Mac a look of annoyance that she 
really didn't mean to. Josh had been talking. Would he stop now? 

Noting the look, Mac pulled back. "Whoa, there, mamma bear, did I interrupt 
something?"

Not saying anything, she turned to give her full attention back at Josh, hoping 
he'd go on. 

Josh sighed, casting a glance further up the vent, where it narrowed slightly. 

Turning her head once more, Elissabeth looked at Mac, "I've got him," she 
mouthed where Josh couldn't see her.

Mac nodded reluctantly, then backed out, hoping that the kid didn't bolt 
further. Marksbury didn't look up to pursuing him through the ship?s vents and 
tubes. Especially not after Josh had spent so much time exploring them, 
discovering many that weren't included in the official ship?s specs. 

Elissabeth looked down at her boots, waiting for Josh to recover from the 
interruption, hoping he'd talk to her some more, feeling somewhat defeated. 

Josh looked at her, abruptly concerned. 

Looking up again, she smiled, "What? You look like you're afraid I'm going to 
pass out on you and you'll have to carry me to sickbay or something." 

He shook his head. "Not sickbay..."

"Then what is it?" 

"You seem.....sad." He considered her carefully, not sure if he was 
overstepping his bounds or not.

Their eyes met for what seemed to be the first time in the conversation. "Yes. 
I didn't realise it was so obvious, though." 

He looked at her intently, his concern clear on his face. "Why?"

"I'm having a hard time truly understanding why. And it sort of scares me." 

He frowned, shifting slightly so that he truly faced her, making it clear she 
had his full attention.

Moral dilemma gave her pause. Elissabeth knew by instinct that she could trust 
Josh, but all her training was telling her to shut up. "I... haven't felt 
myself lately. Like part is missing." 

Josh nodded. He'd felt that way too, though something in her tone made it clear 
it wasn't quite the same.

An idea occurred to her... a way to get back some of what she lost. Dare I? "I 
think that I've had information pulled from my mind," she said softly and then 
winced once she did. 

His eyes widened. Again he nodded for her to continue.

"Actually, I know I have." Sighing, she pushed a wayward strand of hair behind 
her ear. "And I want that information." It was a vague idea that had been 
forming and she just now voiced. Tickling on the edge of her consciousness was 
the notion that if she knew all the things Lyryn knew, she could understand her 
better and it would go a long way to helping her put herself back together. 

He considered that a moment, knowing how many blanks there were in his own 
memory. Were it possible, would he try to get them back? He wasn't sure. 
Sometimes he honestly thought it might be better not to know. Still, he could 
understand her wanting to. "Who?" he asked, wondering who'd done it to her. 

This would be the point of no return. Please don't let me be wrong about Josh, 
she thought. "Intel," came the whispered response. 

He nodded slightly. It figured. "Who specifically?" If he could find that out 
then maybe...just maybe...it was possible he could help.

"I would say that Commodore Brookman has most of the files." 

Josh nodded, then, gesturing for her to follow, began to move quickly through 
the narrow passageways,sliding easily from the vent into another of the 
Jeffries tubes as he extricated something from his pocket, turning it over and 
over through his long slender fingers. 

Elissabeth followed quickly and dropped down beside him, eyeing the object in 
his hand while trying to catch her breath. Damn this recovery time. 

Noticing she was following behind, he slowed his pace, careful not to make it 
too obvious. He doubted she'd appreciate that much. 

The more time she spent with Josh, the more she liked him, felt a kinship with 
him, unlikely siblings. He was sweet, slowing down for her and trying to hide 
it. Hell, she'd made consessions for him and tried to hide it too. 

He ended up in a small office, apparently unused before he'd found it a month 
before. "Don't worry," he told her quietly as he sat down and inserted the chip 
into the console, gesturing around the office. "It's not on ships 
specs...doesn't exist." He began keying quickly, so that his fingers were 
almost a blur, watching as info scrolled on the screen at an alarming rate. 
After a moment, he pulled a PADD out of the drawer and downloaded the 
information he'd just accessed, though he frowned slightly at what he saw.

"What is this place if it's hidden?" she asked, nearly afraid to reach for the 
information on the PADD. 

He looked at her as if the answer should have been obvious. "Nowhere," he 
answered at last, when it didn't appear to be.

"Ah, so we fell through the cracks to Neverwhere, then? Don't suppose we can 
stay here though," she teased wistfully, still not reaching for the 
information. 

"I wish," he said so softly he might have simply mouthed the words before 
turning away.

Elissabeth sank to her knees in the floor next to him and looked up into such 
heartbreaking blue eyes. "Me too, kiddo. Sometimes, I just wish I'd stayed 
where I was, never wandered to places I shouldn't have." Perhaps it was 
cryptic, but then again, maybe he understood. 

He nodded silently. Her words had made perfect sense to him.

"You feel lost?" The question implied the mutual understanding. 

Swallowing hard, he nodded again. <

"Think we can keep each other from..." she had to swallow at the word, 
"drowning? I trust you, you trust me?" 

He gazed at her intently for a moment. Did she really believe she could prevent 
that for him? He doubted it, but nodded anyway. He'd trust her. He just wasn't 
sure that would make a real difference.

"This is going to sound silly, but... you're the first person that I've truly 
felt like... like family. I think we understand each other better than most." 
The words were soft and almost an embarrassment to admit. After all, what if he 
thought she was just as crazy as she thought she was? 

He studied her features carefully a moment before again nodding. Yes, he 
understood this as well. Having seen what he did in her file as it scrolled and 
saved, he knew she really did understand. She knew what it was like to walk as 
though dead through everyone else's life, uncertain of the most important 
details of your own. She knew what it was to strive to remain invisible, a 
ghost unseen and unrecognized, though occasionally somehow the effects of your 
actions can be felt. They were more alike in some ways than even she knew. 

Looking away briefly from the intensity of his gaze, Elissabeth finally reached 
out for the PADD. 

Realizing he'd made her uncomfortable, Josh blushed, his gaze returning to his 
boot tops as he relinquished the PADD. 

Reaching out and touching his hand, she smiled slightly. "Not you, kiddo, me. 
You know how hard it is to connect. It can be overwhelming." 

He flinched slightly but didn't pull away from her. He nodded. He understood 
that well.

Giving his hand a light squeeze, she let him go and stood up. "I suppose we 
should return from Neverwhere before Mr. McEntire has Security out looking for 
us." She paused, trying to think up a solution for Josh to get away for awhile 
but still be kept an eye on. "Have you been resting any?" 

He shrugged. He was still on occasion, and had actually passed out once. He 
supposed that counted.

"Well, if you're not going to keel over on me, I think I have some equipment in 
my office that isn't running at maximum efficiency. Maybe you could take a look 
at it. At least, it's quiet there. I know that you and McEntire are good 
friends, but... he can be a little... um, loud. Thought maybe you could use a 
break."

He looked at her oddly. Mac wasn't usually loud. Where had she got that idea? 
He decided not to try to find out. Instead, he nodded. He'd take a look at it 
for her.

"Talkative a better word?" 

That he understood. Mac was kind of talkative. He nodded again, a ghost of a 
smile upon his lips.

"I guess I like quiet. Most people talk too much. Even me sometimes." 

He almost nodded. He preferred quiet too, but noticed most people seemed 
bothered by it.

"There an easier way out or do we go back the way we came?" 

He led her to a set of what looked to be short entry doors that led back into 
the tubes. Crawling through a short ways, he opened an access point and tried 
not to laugh as they exited them just a short distance from her office.

"You're gonna have to give me your secrets, you know," she told him, smiling. 
Yes, always full of surprises. Entering her office, she watched Josh go to work 
as she settled down to bring up the information on the PADD, almost afraid of 
what she'd find. It wasn't like she didn't know some of the information, but 
she was hoping to find out more specifics that never came into play, more 
reasons on why Lyryn was the way she was, because then, maybe she could 
understand why she herself acted the way she did. 

Josh checked out her systems, making minor adjustments, simple fine tuning. 
Nothing was majorly wrong, except a couple of backdoor programs embedded in her 
system that seemed to be there just to monitor her. Frowning, he closed and 
sealed those doors so nobody would get them open again. If they wanted to know 
what she was doing, let them come ask her like every one else, he thought to 
himself. 

Looking up from the PADD, Elissabeth asked almost off-handedly, "You want to 
tell me the rest of your story?" 

He considered whether or not he really did, then shook his head. No, it was 
probably better if he didn't. Safer.

"Why does it scare you, Joshua?" The look of fear was unmistakable. Slight, but 
it was there for a split second. 

He fought the urge to shrug again as he answered quietly, "...it's still 
there..."

"What's still there?" 

"All of it..." he struggled to find the words to give voice to his fears, the 
part he knew even if he didn't remember it, and the part they helped with, the 
hidden ones in Starfleet. The part he still woke up too frightened to scream 
over every time he closed his eyes. "...they're all still there."

"Who is where, Josh?" 

With a sigh, he began naming the ones he knew for certain, "Hilliard, Anders, 
Taggert, Murgo....Oldtown...Taursus..." his voice trailed off as th images 
associated with each he named got progressively more frightening. "all of 
them..."

"What did they do? What have they done?" 

"The colony..." he aswered, his painfully quiet voice filled with 
agony.."us...Zachary...."

"What happened to you and Zachary?" she asked so softly that she wasn't even 
sure he heard. 

He knew there was no way to explain it all. Hesitantly he raised one side of 
his shirt ever so slightly. Just enough to reveal the myriad of scars and the 
branded O on his hip. Shaking his head, he rose, then and headed for the door.

"Wait. Please." When Josh paused, she added, "Drowning, remember?" 

He remembered. He'd been drowning his whole life. The difference was, he didn't 
want to try to swim anymore.

"Josh... we can't... we can't help each other if we can't trust..." 

Josh looked at her blankly. It wasn't about trust. It was about truth. And the 
truth was, for all she might want to, there really wasn't any reason not to 
drown anymore.

"What is it, Josh?" What did that look mean? This was one time she wished she 
were a telepath. 

He just shook his head. He couldn't explain, and even if he could it didn't 
matter. He doubted much did anymore. "Your computer's fine now," he said 
softly, though he knew that wasn't what she meant, again heading for the door.

"You know I'm watching you, Joshua, and I'm going to be there when you need me. 
Take care of yourself, kiddo." 

He cast her a brief and sorrowful glance, then nodded, eyes carefully averted. 
Without another word to betray his thoughts, he headed home.


                
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