<USS Avalon> "Admitting the Truth"

 Admitting the Truth *Sussanna and Patrick McEntire* 

Curling tighter around her cushion, Anna rocked back and forth. She had to 
pull herself together before Mac got home, she just had to. He'd know 
instantly that something was up if he found her like that.

Another series of violent sobs had her shaking on the couch as the door 
opened and she heard Mac's cheerful greeting. "Fuck," she whispered. Rubbing 
at her cheeks, she sat up, her face still damp and blotchy. "Hey Sweetie, 
have a good day?"

Mac looked at her, eyes swollen and red from crying, her cheeks still wet 
with hastily wiped tears. "My God, sweetness, what's wrong?"

Blowing out a slow breath, Anna held his eyes with hers. "I need to tell you 
something. I... God but you're going to think this is a good thing." She 
shook her head violently. "It's not, Mac, it's the worst thing." Still 
holding his eyes, she took a very deep breath and then said in one quick 
burst, "MacI'mpregnantwithquints."

Mac looked at her confused, trying to sort out what she'd said. When at last 
it hit him, he fought the slow smile that struggled forth. "Okay...why is 
that a terrible thing? We wanted five... remember? Though, I do have to 
point out we expected five pregnancies, so I wonder if that doesn't up the 
limit given that." He winked to show he was kidding, then grew concerned 
when her expression showed no hint of humor in return. "Come on, sweetness. 
Help me understand how this is so devastating it's got you in this state."

"I can't do this, Mac." She started shaking again, her eyes dry, no longer 
producing the tears she needed to cry. "I can't be a mother, I don't know 
how. And five? Do you really think I was going to honestly produce five 
children for you?" Rubbing her own arms, she shook her head. "One. Maybe not 
even that. I... I can't do this. It's too much, too many."

Mac considered her question before nodding. "Yeah, I do really think you 
were. You said it and I believe you. I believe in you. You'll make a 
wonderful mother. You're a warm, caring, loving, incredible woman and I 
can't wait to build a family with you."

"Looks like you won't have to," she spat at him. "Five, all in one package, 
no waiting necessary." She didn't mean to be so bitter but everything she'd 
dreamed of was crashing down around her and she was powerless to stop it. 
"Only one payment required: one ruined career along with one ruined life."

Mac looked as though he'd been struck. "Ruined... life? Funny, I thought we 
were building a life together... having a family... supporting one 
another... loving one another. That's what those vows were about, as I 
understood them. But you... you believe this somehow ruins... clarify for 
me... your life or mine? I'm obviously lost...."

"Our life. Your life. Mine. I don't know, okay? I just... I can't do this." 
Sighing heavily, Anna tried to get her muddled thoughts in order. Finally, 
she looked into his eyes, her tears coming again. "Theirs. Five lives ruined 
because they came from me."

Mac forced himself to think before answering, considering her position and 
remembering when his mom had been faced with the prospect of yet another 
multiple birth and the pressures that came with it. Hormonally, she was a 
mess. Emotionally, she'd been very fragile. Sighing at last, he drew her to 
him and held her tightly. "Bullshit," he answered gently. "Five lives 
blessed for it. And ours as well."

"I'm CMO, I can't do that and bring up five children. Between your shifts 
and mine, we'd never see each other." Curling into his arms, she let herself 
relax. "And I'm just making excuses now, aren't I?" In a tiny voice, she 
added, "I'm scared."

"Me too," he admitted, smiling. "But it's okay. We're supposed to be." He 
kissed her on the top of her head and sighed. "I helped raise my youngers, 
so I'm not completely inexperienced at all this. And we can adjust the 
shifts and get help if we need it from Josh and Belle, I'm sure. Josh has 
handled kids before. Raised his brother up, remember? And I know Belle's at 
least babysat before. Don't worry. We'll be fine."

"What if they grow up stunted like me? Or worse, like my Dad?" Anna 
shuddered at the thought of him. "You didn't hear what he said to me 
earlier... you don't know what he'll do when he finds out."

"Stunted my ass, you're perfect," Mac smiled before the rest of her comment 
hit him. Not liking how that sounded, he asked. "What did he say? And if he 
does anything I'll beat his ass..."

"He was just being mean. He said... he said you'd be unfaithful, that you'd 
be forever cheating on me. And now it'll just get worse."

"Only if you choose to listen to him, " Mac answered quietly. Looking into 
her eyes, he reminded her, "I gave you my word... and myself. Only you 
forever. Forever, okay?"

"I know, I believe you, honest. What can I say to make you believe me? I 
love you." Anna's gaze scanned his face desperately.

"I love you too," he answered, kissing her gently. "And I believe you. I 
just wish you wouldn't let him upset you like this."

"He's my father, Mac. I'm supposed to love him too, remember? Although there 
are times when I wonder."

"Love him, yes," Mac answered, "But not let him rule you. He doesn't get to 
rule over you. Forsaking all others, remember. I'm yours, and you're mine 
now, not his."

"You're mine," Anna said with conviction. "And so are they. All..." she 
gulped, "all five of them."

Other related posts: