<USS Avalon> "A Lot Alike"

A Lot Alike
Lieutenant Commander Elissabeth Marksbury
and Junior Lieutenant Joshua Garrity


Josh arrived at Marksbury's office and knocked quietly on the door. So quietly, 
in fact, only one truly listening very carefully for the sound would hear it. 
After waiting twenty seconds or so, he turned to leave, assuming she'd stepped 
out. Or, at least, hoping she had. He really wasn't up to an interview right 
that moment. 

"Enter," came the immediate response, and the door slid open to reveal 
Lieutenant Garrity's retreating form. She?d been waiting quite some time for 
him to show up, though she hadn?t forgotten. "Mr. Garrity?" Elissabeth asked 
softly and he stopped. "Please come in." She stood and moved around to the 
front of her desk, not daring to go any further. 

Reluctantly Josh entered, stopping just inside the door and waited at attention 
for her to tell him why he was there.

"At ease," she smiled. "I just needed to ask you a couple questions - a 
friendly conversation, department chief to department chief. I'm Elissabeth," 
she offered, hoping that would help to put him at ease. 

He nodded, though he didn't really relax much. "Joshua," he answered almost 
inaudibly.

"It's nice to finally meet you. Please feel free to sit anywhere you're most 
comfortable." Elissabeth waited to see how he'd respond before moving herself.

He nodded again but remained standing.

Okay, Liss, what now? "You may as well get comfortable, this could take a few 
minutes." Please, she thought.

"I'm fine...thank you..." he finally managed, though still almost inaudibly. He 
knew she wanted him to take a seat, but he wasn't comfortable in chairs and 
they were never okay with him sitting on the floor, so he thought he might as 
well remain where he was. He really was most comfortable next to the exit as he 
was.

"Okay, whatever's easiest for you." She remained standing as well, though she 
leaned against the edge of the desk to appear more relaxed. "There?s something 
that's been brought to my attention I needed to inquire of." Elissabeth waited 
for a response, but the younger man just looked at her patiently. "Have you 
given anyone permission to use your vocal authorization codes while you're off 
duty?"

Josh shook his head to indicate he had not, then waited for her to go on.

"Were you aware that your authorization has been used while you were off duty?" 
she asked very softly and not unkindly.

He hesitated before nodding in the affirmative. Of course he was aware of it. 
He'd been doing it.

Elissabeth nodded. "Do you think that someone else has been using your 
authorizations to sign off on jobs?" 

Josh looked at her, his expression indicating complete bafflement. Someone 
else? Slowly, he shook his head no.

She tipped her head to the side, considering for a moment. "Your authorizations 
have been used constantly for the last several days, though the hours for your 
work weren't logged." She sighed. "I'm not sure if I like either conclusion. 
Either it's a security risk and someone's compromised your codes or you have 
worked for several straight days."

Josh shivered slightly in the chill of the office and glanced toward the 
replicator. He could really use a cup of coffee right about now. He wasn't sure 
what she wanted him to say, really. "There's no security risk." He finally 
forced himself to answer. 

Missing nothing, Lissi moved to the replicator and asked, "Would you like some 
coffee?" Mac had told her about Josh?s slight obsession with the beverage. "I 
was just about to have some myself." It wasn?t exactly true, but it was 
something he seemed to want and she didn?t want to draw suspicion as to how she 
would know. Joshua was probably smarter than she was and she surmised his 
deductive reasoning skills weren?t lacking. This ruse was a fine line to walk.

Josh nodded and she replicated two cups of coffee, handing him one carefully. 
She closed her eyes as she sipped, trying to figure out how to make this 
conversation go where she?d like it to.

"I understand now," she said, referring to his earlier words of no risk, "but 
you can understand why I was concerned, I hope." Every word she spoke was 
gentle and her always soft voice somehow managed to seem even quieter around 
Garrity, as if sound was dampened around the two. She took a deep breath and 
nearly whispered, "And now I?m concerned about you."

Sipping the strong, hot beverage gratefully, Josh looked surprised at her 
words. Concerned about him? Why? She didn't even know him. Resisting the urge 
to shrug, having been told by Mac numerous times that it bothers people if you 
keep doing that, he ran a tired hand through his unruly brown curls, pushing 
them back from his eyes, trying to think of how to allay her fears. At long 
last he fell back to his pat answer, hoping it would do. "I'm fine," he 
answered at last in those painfully quiet tones, his gaze fixed upon his boot 
tops. He wasn't. And he knew he wasn't, not now, but he had to be, at least 
where work was concerned. What choice was there? What would any other answer 
change or help?

Another long pause between sips. A change in tactics. "You and I are somewhat 
alike, I think," she began. "We both like to lose ourselves in our jobs. At 
least that's the only reason I can think of for you working so many straight 
days without rest... Unless there was some incredible engineer shortage that I 
wasn't aware of." She smiled in attempts to relax him a bit, but had a feeling 
it was impossible. 

He almost smiled at that, shaking his head, though the smile failed to reach 
his large blue eyes, though few would notice, obscured as they remained behind 
thick dark curls. No, there was no shortage. In fact, they had plenty of 
engineers on duty each shift. He just needed the work right now.

"Work is my escape," she continued. "When there are things that I don't want to 
face, to think about, to deal with... I lose myself in my work until I'm ready 
to face them, to work through them." Elissabeth hoped that he would identify 
with her words and maybe, just maybe, talk to her. 

Josh nodded slightly, still studiously contemplating his boot tops. His cup was 
empty. He needed more coffee. He was cold and tired and still not ready to 
sleep and dream or think and feel. He needed to be working. To be doing 
something with his hands, occupying his mind with something other than the news 
that kept nagging at the back of it, demanding he turn it over and look and 
acknowledge it as truth. He noted her screen settings were slightly askew, 
tilted and warped though only just barely. Moving toward her computer 
hesitantly, he gestured toward the screen, indicating his desire to fix it if 
she'd let him.

"By all means," Elissabeth offered, reaching for his empty cup and replicating 
a new one to hand him. She settled quietly into the chair opposite her desk and 
just watched him work, waiting patiently.

His fingers flew deftly, almost delicately, across the keys. He raised a brow, 
shaking his head slightly, then he reached down beneath the unit and opened the 
panel. Frowning slightly, he withdrew what appeared to be a bit of cheese and 
cracker from where it had somehow fallen into the vented system. Shaking his 
head slightly, he realigned the chip they'd pressed against, then straightened, 
nodding as her screen righted itself. Much better, he thought as he sipped at 
the fresh cup of coffee. As if only then realizing how far into the room he'd 
come and how close to her he now was, though her desk stood between them, he 
backed slightly toward the exit.

"Joshua?" Elissabeth asked softly, almost as inaudibly as Josh himself. Once he 
stopped, she looked at him earnestly. "You're going to have to take time off 
work. After so long, what you're doing becomes a potential danger to this ship 
and I can't allow that."

He looked at her, his expression somewhat lost. Time off? Now? Slowly, he shook 
his head. He was no danger to the ship. This was his work. It was all he had 
left. "Soon," he said at last, the near-panic and pleading clear even in his 
deathly quiet tones."...not yet...please..."

"I can't allow you to continue like this. I just can't. It is a danger to the 
ship. I'm sorry." Elissabeth stood and faced him. "It's time, Joshua, to work 
out whatever it is that you're running from." She sighed. "Time for both of us 
to stop hiding."

He lowered his head to hide the spark of anger her words ignited. She had no 
idea what she was asking of him. Work out what he was running from? He'd have 
laughed if he'd thought she had even the most remote of clues what it was she'd 
just suggested. If only it were as simple as just dealing with Zack's death to 
do that. It wasn't though. Zack's death was just a symptom of it all - the 
final, most painful of them for him. The bastards had finally taken from him 
the one thing he couldn't bear to lose and there was nothing he could do about 
it. It would take more than him alone to locate and cut out the rot at the very 
core of Starfleet itself that had kept him and Zachary in the shadows all their 
lives. And now he was being all but ordered to just 'deal with it' as she 
placed out of reach the one thing he had left. His work. His very lifeline.

He knew enough not to argue, though. Fine, he thought, sighing deeply. They 
want off hours, he'd show off hours. No work orders logged during off time. 
He'd "rest" as procedure dictated, with no traceable deviation from approved 
work/rest protocols, and refrain from arguing like a good soldier. Grateful at 
that moment for the hair that obscured from her the anger no doubt reflected in 
his eyes, he kept his quiet voice very steady as he responded with the expected 
and universally acceptable, "Yes, ma'am."

"Why do I have the feeling that you're just trying to think up ways to get 
around what I'm telling you?" 

"I wouldn't know, ma'am." He responded quietly. He was well past thinking of 
ways around it. It wasn't as though it were a great challenge. In fact, he'd 
known how to do it almost before he'd answered her the first time. 

"I'm trying, Josh, to be understanding to you as a person, but my first 
responsibility is the safety of this vessel and it's one I take very seriously. 
My words are not meant as a threat. I just need you to understand this... I 
will be checking to make sure that you're not working when you're not supposed 
to be. The medical ramifications of your incredible workload are not pretty and 
I would hate to have to alert Dr. Roan or Counselor McKinsley. I don't want to. 
I want you to have your privacy to cope with whatever it is that you need to 
cope with, but you cannot continue like this. Is that understood?" She was 
speaking firmly, but Elissabeth truly hoped that he would understand her intent 
and know that she was cutting him a great deal of slack. 

He heard her words, and the implied threat behind them. Though he failed to 
understand why engineering had anything to do with her, he would make certain 
she found nothing if she chose to look at him, regardless of how closely she 
looked. The anger burned even brighter at her implication that he took his 
responsibility to the ship any less seriously than she did. It was all he had 
left. Had he asked her for her understanding? Had he asked her for anything at 
all? He didn't argue, however, having learned through a lifetime of painfully 
administered lessons, many of which he still carried the scars from, that 
silence is usually a better choice. Instead, he responded with one single, 
carefully and quietly enunciated word. "Understood."

Shaking her head, Elissabeth felt tears welling in her eyes. Such a failure, 
she thought. She could see the anger in the tightness of his face, but she 
didn't know what else to do. Telling Roan or McKinsley could just complicate 
the issue, though Josh may leave her no choice. "I don't know what else to do. 
Obviously you don't understand my concern and are taking orders because you're 
a good officer." Blowing out a long breath, she said, "You can go. I guess both 
of us will just have to do what we feel is best, won't we?" 

He looked at her, something in her expression giving him pause. The tears that 
threatened in her eyes confused him. Was it her fear for the ship? He truly 
didn't understand. And suddenly, he wanted to. His expression softened, his 
confusion clear in his delicate features. "Why...?" he began, trying to find 
the words to finish the question, though, as usual, they seemed to escape him. 

"Why what?" she swallowed. 

Frustration touched his features then as he searched for a way to ask it she 
would understand. "You worry... for the ship...I understand that," he 
struggled. "I do too." He gestured toward the kleenex on her desk before 
picking up the box and offering her one in frustration. He had no idea how to 
ask it. Sighing, he surrendered, deciding he probably wouldn't understand her 
answer even if he could ask the question. 

Accepting the tissue, she dabbed at her eyes and nodded. "Go on," she 
whispered, trying to get the words out of him, knowing something had changed 
and hoping it continued. 

"You're...this worried?...this upset?... for the ship?" He asked, almost sure 
she wouldn't understand when he himself didn't either.

"No," she smiled a tiny bit, blinking back the tears. "It may not make sense... 
but I'm worried for you. We're... a lot alike." 

He looked at her curiously. He knew so little about her, and couldn't help but 
wonder. "We are?" 

She nodded, smiling at his look. Moving around to her console, she brought up 
her profile for him to look at

He looked closely at her profile and nodded. A good deal of it was classified, 
not unlike his. And, not unlike him, she was alone, or so it appeared. 

She shrugged. "Guess I just see some things in you that are in me. I can't 
explain it any better." 

He nodded. He could see it too, he guessed. Glancing at her mischieviously, he 
typed in something quickly on the console. All at once, the red classified 
markers disappeared and the information they hid appeared. He closed it quickly 
without reading it, keeping his gaze averted, bracing himself for the reproach 
he expected would come for that little stunt.

Grinning, Elissabeth said, "Yeah, I did that to yours too. But I can't say I 
expected it from you. Full of surprises." 

Josh shrugged, keeping his gaze down. At least she wasn't crying now and seemed 
less worried. 

"I'm not going to keep you or anything... I just want you to know that I'm here 
if you want someone to talk to or just sit with and not talk to. I don't mind 
the heat if you wanna turn it up, even." She reached out and dared to place a 
reassuring hand on his just briefly before removing it. "But please try to get 
some rest. Please. I don't want you passing out or starting to hallucinate or 
anything, alright?" 

He nodded slightly, not bothering to tell her he'd worked longer and harder 
than this all his life, or that he was more a danger to himself and others 
trying to function away from his work than buried in it. He supposed she 
probably already knew. He'd rest when he could. He just couldn't yet. Not yet. 

Elissabeth nodded, not exactly sure what he was thinking, but there seemed to 
be a silent understanding that passed between them

Assuming then that they were done, he reached out past her, and keyed something 
else in her computer, a ghost of a smile touching his lips as he turned and 
exited. A cascade of information started on her computer, scrolling far faster 
than any human could possibly read. "Look at it when it's done loading." he 
suggested quietly on his way out the door. He was aware she had her place in 
covert ops. He wondered if she knew how easily everyone else could know it too. 
In a moment, she'd have quite a long list of names and profiles, including her 
own, to prove that point - a complete listing of her covert ops personnel, 
including their profiles and histories. She might like to know how easily they 
were accessed, in case she wanted to up the encryption levels to protect her 
team. 

"I?ll be damned," she whispered, once the information was legible. Not only 
should he not have been able to do that, she had a feeling Josh knew how to 
keep others from doing the same. It was definitely worth looking into and the 
possibility of that excited her. Now if she could only shake the feeling that 
she?d failed him somehow... Just like John, a little voice whispered over and 
over.


                
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
 Yahoo! Small Business - Try our new resources site!

Other related posts: