atw: TGIF: A Writing Lesson

WRITING ASSIGNMENT 

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?  Here's a prime
example offered by an English professor from the University of  Phoenix:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.

The process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right.  As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. 

  "Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent.  There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." 

  The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

  Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted). 

  STORY:  (first paragraph by Rebecca)

  At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile.  But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about  him
too much her asthma started acting up again.  So chamomile was out of  the
question.

   (second paragraph by Gary)

  Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"  he
said into his transgalactic communicator.   "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.

   (Rebecca) 

  He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.  "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"  Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning.  The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.  She stared
out the window, dreaming of her  youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.  "Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

  (Gary) 

  Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through their Congress had  left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race.  Within two hours after the passage of
the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying  enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet.  With no one to stop them, they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.  The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded.  The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans.  The President slammed his fist on the conference
table.  "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!  Let's blow 'em
out of the sky!"

  (Rebecca) 

  This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.  My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic  semi-literate adolescent.

  (Gary)

   Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious whose attempts at writing are
the literary equivalent of Valium.  "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea?  Or
shall I have some other sort of   F@#KING TEA???  Oh no, I'm such an
air-headed bimbo who reads too many  Danielle Steele novels!"

  (Rebecca) 

  Asshole.

  (Gary) 

  Bitch. 

  (Rebecca) 

  F#@K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! 

  (Gary) 

  Go drink some tea - whore.

   (TEACHER) 

  A+ - I really liked this one

 

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