atw: Brian's Life or The Life of Brian

I am forwarding this gem.  and hoping that my new email identity is working
well.

Hello there

I thought I would send this to you in honour of it being Thursday – which is
nearly as good as Friday, but not quite. This is a letter from my
electrician, Brian, to his friends last year. He told me he was sick to
death of getting Christmas form-letters from his friends telling him about
their children's exploits and so he wrote one from his cat. He had me in
such fits of laughter when he told me about it I asked him to send it to me.
Truly, this is from my electrician – I have the denuded bank account to
prove it (the lounge room lights look good).

*

Subject: Brian's Life or The Life of Brian

Just a letter from Brian's little furry friend telling what the ar-----sol
has been up to.

Don't think that I'm having a winge or anything, but he is fairly hard to
live with!

During the year I managed to get into another fight (after losing an eye the
year before), not my fault, so he had to take me to the vet because I had an
abscess on my face -- really swollen. Tried to hide it by licking my back
when he walked past, but that didn't work.

It was a lady vet this time so I was confident that I would get looked after
in a proper manner, until she said something that made my crutch burn.

"Do you think It's about time your cat was de sexed? It will stop him
roaming and getting into as many fights."

To my utter horror he agreed, but also said "Can you give him a good
clipping while he's under!!!'

When my landlord picked me up (yes he charges rent) he started
laughing,didn't realize at the moment, but the girls had given me a poodle
cut, I remember it well they were giggling in the background, it was so
embarrassing.

The old c--t has never got over it, still laughs at the way I looked and
tells all his mates about it even showing photos of me denuded! (see
attachments)

However I have been trying to annoy him ever since by clawing at the fly
wire screen on the back sliding door to get in and out as many times as I
can until he's about to crack (don't like that at all because I've heard him
yelling at the TV on a Friday night after he gets home from the club half
pissed).

He's done one think right this summer -- installed a big air conditioner
which would freeze my nuts off, if I had any, but it scares sh-t out of me
when the compressor stars up.

He has been trying to clip me (my long fur) between decorating the 10 meter
high silky oak out on the front lawn with all types of Christmas lighting. I
like it because it slows down all those fast cars, I can poop and fight
under it and see what I'm doing.

Brian has been spending a lot of time on Ebay buying a whole lot of junk for
that black car he's got in the garage, always working on it, not paying
enough attention to me.

Oops gotta get off the computer keyboard. He's coming!!

No it's OK he was just getting another can of beer out of the fridge to take
back to the garage. Spends a lot of money on that stuff, wonder he's got any
left to feed me.

There's one thing I really enjoy doing with Brian and that's hanging out the
washing, though I must admit, I do get a bit bored, trying to get him to
trip over me, as I do in the morning when He's trying to make breakfast.

The garden is looking good I must admit, it's a great pleasure to s--t in it
everywhere you could imagine.

No we get to Brian's love life -- wish I could think of something to write.
No.

Boring old basted isn't he. I think I get more pleasure out of jumping off
high gates!

He did mumble something the other night I think it went " I'm the
chairperson of the ACTEWAGL's electrician, work for doctors, dentists and
lawyers so where the f--k does it get me?''

Oh well probably suffering mid life crisis or something similar.

Better go now before I get caught and he starts yelling again.

Have a great Christmas & all the best in 2006

Pineo Bill (the cat)

Added Bill to my name because of Bill Harigan the ref. yeh u got it one
eyed.
*

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