[austechwriter] OT... but very funny and technically on writing ... sorta

A friend sent this to me and it is funny enough to forward to you guys.

PS... I'm NOT the original author and have no interest in proofreading it,
so just enjoy it as it is.

Regards,
Bruce Ashley


THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS.SHE

  Remember the book "Men are from Mars,
  Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an
  English professor at an American University.
  ____________________________________________________________________
  "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
  The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
  sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
  the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
  paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
  person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember
  to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
  coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to
say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."
  > > >
  The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
  Rebecca-last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
  -------------------------------------------------------------
  > > >STORY:
  (first paragraph by Rebecca)
  At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
  The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
  home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
  times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all
  costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
  she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up
  again. So chamomile was out of the question.
  > > >
  ------------------------------------------------------
  (second paragraph by Gary)
  Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
  squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
  think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
  Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
  "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator.
  "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
  before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
  and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
  from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (Rebecca)
  He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he
  felt one last pang of regret for psychically
  brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon
  afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the
  peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
  "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
  Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
  excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of
  her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with
  no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense
  of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why
  must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
  wistfully.
  > > >---------------------------------------------------------
  (Gary)
  Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
  Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
  launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
  wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
  Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
  hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within
  two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were
  on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
  planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
  diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded.
  The President,in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the
  ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
  massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
  million other Americans.The President slammed his fist on the conference
  table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em
  out of the sky!"
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (rebecca)
  This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
  My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
  adolescent.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (gary)
  Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
  attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of
  Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other
  sort of F*CKING TEA???
  Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
  Steele novels."
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (rebecca)
  Asshole.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (gary)
  Bitch.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (rebecca)
  Wanker.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (gary)
  slut.
  > > >---------------------------------------------------------
  (rebecca)
  Get f*cked.
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (gary)
  Eat sh*t.
  > > >--------------------------------------------------------
  (rebecca)
  F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
  > > >----------------------------------------------------------
  (gary)
  Go drink some tea - whore.
  > > > **********************************************
  (teacher)
  A+ - I really liked this one.


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