[atlantaprog] Re: All my cultural icons are getting hip replacement surgery.

Corporate sluts are alive and well, thanks to titanium.

FWIW, chronic degenerative disease is simply garden-variety old age 
osteoarthritis.  Nothing terribly exciting, but chronic degenerative disease 
sounds more dramatic.

Paul Stanley from KISS had a hip replacement this year too.  "I wanna rock and 
roll all night ... and hobble every day ... "

April

In a message dated 12/14/2004 12:07:10 AM Eastern Standard Time, Wheat Williams 
<wheat@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> writes:

>All my cultural icons are getting hip replacement surgery.
>
>Eddie Van Halen. Steve Perry. Mick Mars of Motley Crue. What do they 
>have in common? Recent hip replacement surgery.  The latter two even 
>claim to have serious chronic degenerative diseases. Okay, Mick Mars 
>was never actually a cultural icon of mine. But I'm talking about an 
>important trend here.
>
>All the rock stars I grew up listening to are in their fifties now, 
>some even in their sixties, and one way or another all that hard living 
>and rock and roll lifestyle is catching up with them.
>
>America is ageing. Just last night, during prime time on a major TV 
>network's broadcasts, I saw a television commercial from some huge 
>pharmaceutical and medical equipment firm. It started out like one of 
>those ads for a prescription medication. It showed an elderly couple 
>going through a grocery store and doing a lot of walking, reaching and 
>bending. The commercial was for a particular brand of prosthetic hip 
>joint. You may not need a new hip joint. But if you do, be sure to ask 
>your orthopedist to install the Titanium Flex-O-Matic from 
>SmithKlineBeechamDowGlaxoAstraZeneca.
>
>Now I've read a lot on the Internet about the shocking loss of Dimebag 
>Darrell, and one thing came up over and over again--his endorsements. 
>Dimebag custom model guitars, tube amp stacks, effects pedals, strings, 
>picks, magenta beard-dye.
>
>It just reminds me of what rock star guitarists do best. Endorse 
>merchandise.
>
>So I put it all together. Eddie, Steve and Mick, and a host of others, 
>have fans that are almost as old as they are, and getting older 
>rapidly. Endorsement opportunities! How about the Eddie Van Halen model 
>prosthetic hip replacement unit. With one of Eddie's bionic hips, you 
>can now emulate his previously inimitable and undoubtedly impressive 
>rock-star posture. You can slide around on stage arpeggiating like mad 
>well into your 60s. Steve Perry will be marketing his own model, 
>too--light, ultra-flexible, and very smooth.
>
>What's the hook? Logos. As soon as your surgery heals, 
>SmithKlineBeechamDowGlaxoAstraZeneca will send you a coupon redeemable 
>at any one of hundreds of licensed tattoo parlors nationwide. You can 
>get a bright red Van Halen logo tattooed right over the prosthesis. 
>What a conversation piece.
>
>It's just a couple short decades until we'll be hearing thrash metal 
>blaring from boom boxes in the rooms at the nursing homes in Florida, 
>as the residents sit in the hallways in their wheelchairs, banging 
>their heads. We'd better start thinking ahead.
>
>Wheat Williams, 2004
>Todos derechos reservados.
>
>
>

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