[users_group] George Costanza's 10 Commandments for 'Working Hard'
- From: "Bill McBean" <doriam123@xxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Bill McBean" <doriam123@xxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 9 Sep 2006 03:30:31 -0400
George Costanza's 10 Commandments for 'Working Hard'
George Costanza's 10 Commandments for 'Working Hard'
1 - Never walk without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading
for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff
home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work
longer hours than you do.
2 - Use computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You
can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without
doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk
about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you
will get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to
use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3 - Keep a messy desk.
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work;
it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is
coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4 - Use voice mail.
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they
want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls
through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message for you and it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not
there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're
being a devious weasel.
5 - Look impatient & annoyed.
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses
the impression that you are always busy.
6 - Leave the office late.
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You
could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no
time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your
way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m., 7:05 a.m.,
etc.) and during public holidays.
7 - Use sighing for effect.
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on
the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9 - Build your vocabulary.
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember;
they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10 - Don't get caught.
MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this page's URL to your boss by mistake!
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