FreeLists / birdky / [birdky] a little birder humor...

["Susan M." <salticid@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Sending along a little birder humor. Hope you enjoy! 

Happy Holidays!! :) 

Susan Moss 

Madisonville , Hopkins County 

  

Subject: Are you a Birder? 


Answering "yes" to any of the following questions qualifies you as a true
birder. 


1.  Someone yells DUCK! and you look up and shout "Where"? 

2.  You criticize television programs and commercials that depict a bald
eagle but play a red-tailed hawk call. 

3.  One of your kids is named, Kestrel, Merlin, Peregrine or Phoebe. 

4.  Your spouse says, "It's either me or the birds," and you have to think
about it. 

5.  You pay a neighbor's kid $20 to play dead in a field while you search
thesky for vultures. 

6.  You try to talk your kid into going to college in Belize so that you
havean excuse to go and bird there. 

7.  A machine at work is making a squeaking noise and you describe it to
maintenance as sounding like a black-and-white warbler. 

8.  The first time you meet your future in-laws, you demonstrate the
courtship dance of the woodcock, complete with sound effects. 

9. You spend only 15 minutes preparing dinner for your family but 30 minutes
mixing and placing seed for your birds. 

10.  You wake your spouse at 5:30 a.m. and exclaim, "Say, is that a nuthatch
I'm hearing outside the window?" 

11.  You identify calls of birds in the soundtracks of television shows and
movies. 

12.  You lose friends and perhaps even your spouse, from fighting over the
pronunciation of the word "pileated". 

13.  You know what birds USED to be called before the English name was
changed, so you use them all in, "Look, there's a common egret, American
egret, great egret, or whatever they're calling it these days." 

14.  You spend most of the day on Saturday, after getting up at 4 a.m.,
making a five-hour drive in near zero degree weather in snow and sleet with
wet feet and inadequate clothing while looking for an unusual bird, and then
exclaim "YES!"  with a big grin on Monday morning when someone at work asks
you if you had a good weekend. 

15.  You are the only one in the room who doesn't think "prairie chicken"
and"yellow-bellied sapsucker" are funny. 

16.  The nastiest words in your vocabulary come out exclusively while
birding. 

17.  In your worst nightmare, "Private - Not Trespassing" signs circle
aroundyour head. 

18.  When it come to chasing after birds, you sometimes, in fact, regularly
walk the very thin line between courage and plain ol' stupidity. 

19.  You enjoy living, love your family and friends, have life insurance and
worry about your health - but routinely attempt suicide every time you get
behind the wheel of a car because you're always looking for birds and never
at the road. 

20.  You fail to convince the retarded judge that "Because that #@$*! 
scaredaway my possible ivory-billed woodpecker!!!" is an acceptable excuse
for manslaughter. 

21.  There are more miles on your factory-new, one week old car than
featherson a flock of whistling swans. 

22.  No, you don't think all those little brown birds in the field guide
lookthe same. 

23.  Every last gift or card you receive has a bird somewhere on it. 

24.  Getting out of bed fully energized at 4 a.m. is perfectly fine for
birding but for any other reason, it's pure #@(&$! 

25.  You know more about optics than a lenscrafter, more about driving than 
a trucker and more Latin than the Pope. 




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